Feeling anger towards baby

amother

Crocus

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 2:40 pm

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture as old as torture itself. (This was used against my grandfather by the evil communist Russians to break him and to give names)
I wouldn’t be surprised if someone did a study on the correlation of sleep deprivation and ppd.
Torture can break someone like nothing else.
Tell us more about your life, so we can help you brainstorm how to get more sleep.

amother

DarkYellow

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 2:46 pm

amother Jetblack wrote:

You sound extremely sleep deprived
I was losing my mind the first 7 months, now my baby is 10 months and naps and sleeps nicely...
I was so sleep deprived it was torture
If you are in Lakewood I wish I could help you out by warching your baby a few hours so you can nap

Can you tell me how it changed? Did you do anything to sleep train him/her or did he/she just get better at sleeping at a certain age?

My baby is 6 months and still a terrible sleeper

amother

Impatiens

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 2:52 pm

BrisketBoss wrote:

And both can be true. You can have (real!) mental health issues that are 'magically' solved by tweaking your lifestyle and living conditions. Might as well try that first, is what we're saying, and see if the problem persists.

Sleep deprivation makes people crazy. Rx: sleep.

Right that’s why I wrote she should seek help and also get help taking care of the baby.

amother

Jetblack

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 3:37 pm

amother DarkYellow wrote:

Can you tell me how it changed? Did you do anything to sleep train him/her or did he/she just get better at sleeping at a certain age?

My baby is 6 months and still a terrible sleeper

What changed was she got older.
At about 7-8 months she started taking 2 long naps instead of multiple short cat naps, she also started eating 3 meals plus snacks each day which probably helped...
And we moved her out of our room
No sleep training worked...so when after a particular hard night I decided to move her out I thought she would cry for hours. But she didnt, she slept beautifully till the morning.

scintilla

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 3:47 pm

Hey OP, you've gotten great advice and I don't have anything to add in that area. Just wanted to say that I've been there, too many times, and it's such an awful feeling. You are still a great mother!! All we can do is the best we can with what we have. Please remember that as you're working on getting more of "what we have" - you're still doing a great job and I personally believe that you're an amazing mother. Kudos for doing this really hard job and giving it all you've got.

Also, it does get better - my kids are still not great sleepers but we are bh bh past the days of leaving them to cry in their cribs for too long while I cried hysterically on the couch. There is hope - you can do this!!

amother

Cognac

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 5:50 pm

OP sending hugs. Lack of sleep can be so hard. A few options as others wrote. send baby out for a couple hours in the morning. You can sit and read/ take a bath/ prepare lunch or dinner, whatever it is, it's you time. Also, maybe DH can get up at 2.30pm not 4.00 and watch baby for a bit. Can you give a bottle at night feedings, she might sleep longer. If you can get some sweet high schoolers to watch your baby in the afternoon for and hour or so, it also gives you a little time. You might not be able to sleep than but you have a little me space.

amother

Offwhite

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 6:00 pm

Op I feel u! My baby is nine months and terrible at night. I dont get more than one hour at a time at night. Her day naps r fifteen minutes long. Sometimes I’m also afraid I shudnt do anything to her…
I really feel u! This isn’t my first one like this so lemme tell u there’s hope. But for now treat urself in small ways. Nap when she does. Make ez suppers etc so that u don’t spend every minute stressing…

Good luck!!

mushkamothers

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 6:51 pm

What everyone else said: you need sleep, I wouldn't say this is ppd, and it's better to let baby cry in a sage crib than hurt her.

Nobody said this: if she's waking like clockwork at 11pm then what you can do before that is give her a dream feed. At 10:30 either nurse or bottle her in her sleep. This should carry her over for at least an hour or two, ideally until the next feed at 10am, and buy you some sleeping time.

amother

Bone

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 7:14 pm

OP this is a crisis. Please talk to your dh right away he needs to step up in a major way.
After one of my births I felt like you. Dh left 6:00 am to work wasn’t home until 7:00 or so. I told him one day-honey, if you don’t figure out how to help me get some sleep I’m going to hurt myself.
He stepped up real fast
Also, please update us as to if you get help and how you’re doing.

amother

Maize

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 8:58 pm

amother Offwhite wrote:

Unsolicited advice: if this were my kid I would look at her eating habits first. How is that going?

amother

Tangerine

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 9:27 pm

First, a totally normal reaction. Sleep deprivation is the worst.
At 5 months, a baby should be able to go without food for longer than 2 hours.
Are you nursing? How is your milk supply?
If you don't typically give formula, please give formula bottles for the nights.
It may be that your baby is simply hungry. See if the baby sleeps for longer stretches after taking a formula bottle.
Also- call your pediatrician and tell him/her that your baby is always crying. Your baby may have a food/ dairy sensitivity.
Been there and done that.
Hatzlacha!
Please keep us posted if you can

amother

Skyblue

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 10:56 pm

Hi op,
I recently went through the same: my husband was working night shifts and I was home with a little baby and toddler. It's so so hard, I'm sorry you're going through this!
Your husband is getting a lot of sleep! My dh would get home around 7:30 and sleep until maybe 2ish. After he helped with the kids until he had to leave for his shift at 6:15.
How many shifts per week is he working?
If he isn't able to step up to the plate, he needs to hire help for you.

amother

Amethyst

Fri, Dec 09 2022, 10:43 am

amother OP wrote:

Please tell me I'm not a monster and someone else has felt this too. Or maybe I am a monster.. My baby is a few months and I'm the only one that takes care of her day in and out. I have no help at all. During the day I am the most loving patient mother ever. Fiercly protectiive. I never let my baby cry I am always rushing to care for her. My husband works a night shift so he leaves the house around 8 pm and returns 7 am and goes straight to sleep and sleeps until 3 or 4 pm. So I take care of baby morning evening and nights. And shes a fussy sleeper. Wakes every 2 hours. When I go to sleep around 11 or 12 pm I'm so so exhausted I can't see straight. But I sleep for 2 hours and by 2 am I can handle it when she cries . And every 2 hour mark after that..I can manage. But if for some reason she cries exactly when I go to sleep at 11 I'm so tired I can't see straight and I lose it. If she cries then I get filled with so much anger it's scary. I'm desperate to sleep and she is just screaming and screaming and my husband isn't home and I get so angry I get filled with a need to hurt her. There I admitted it .I dont know why. It fills me with such shame. It happened 3 times in the 5 months she's been born. I usually get very aggressive in the way I care for her. Sometimes pushing her stroller back and forth like a maniac . I am literally fighting the urge to hurt her. Sometimes I leave her screaming and walk away and let her cry for a good 4 minutes jhst to make sure I am nowhere ner her and wont hurt her. It makes me crazy. Is this normal?
A big part of the anger is towards my husband for never being home during night shifts when I am desperate for someone to take me over when she cries. And then when he gets home at 7 am and wants to sleep God forbid I should let her cry because as he says" it's torture when he's trying to sleep"

Someone please help me. I am desperate. I am so so petrified I will one day give in to my rage and anger and actually hurt her. I feel unworthy of my beautiful precious baby..

You are extremely brave for coming and and asking for help. I applaud you.

amother

Sat, Dec 10 2022, 11:43 pm

Thank you everyone for such kind responses..if I didn't write this I would have thought I dreamed the whole thing up. I look at my baby and she's so cute ! How did I ever have such feelings towards her ?
I have concluded after reading so much or this that I need to get her to sleep longer. She should be going for 4 or 5 hour stretches at this point and not waking every 2 hours. I decided to give formula bottles. I was nursing and also bottles but only pumped milk. If formula will make her sleep for longer stretches I want to try it.

Help at nights isn't an option and these episodes happen only at night when I am just starting my night..I also decided to prioritize sleeping when baby sleeps..