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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
amother
Periwinkle
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Thu, Dec 29 2022, 6:16 pm
amother Slategray wrote: | Person A: "Will you promise not to get offended if I ask you a question?"
Person B: "Uh... okay... I guess."
Person A: "What is your name?" |
This triggered me! love this thread
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amother
Smokey
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Thu, Dec 29 2022, 6:30 pm
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amother
Steelblue
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Thu, Dec 29 2022, 6:35 pm
Someone once told me she never asks questions because of bad situation she had where the question was mostly neutral but for that person it was sensitive. So yeah, she talks about herself as a means of starting or continuing a conversation. She talks about herself a lot. I find it so off-putting. Like, are you interested in me? Or do you just need to feel like you're not talking to the wall so any pair of ears would suffice?
I was trying to explain to her that asking questions is a sign of interest in the other person, sometimes genuine concern especially when you know someone is going through a hard time. But she claims she'd rather err on the side of caution and will only talk about it if the other person brings it up. This way she knows the person wants to talk about it, versus if she asks, maybe they're not up to it.
I have had my fair share of asking a neutral conversational question and having an awkward answer, making me want to bury myself out of embarrassment, but it doesn't stop me because there's risk to everything and being so risk-averse that you lose out on relationships is not worth it. For example, a woman was once talking about her kids, so I asked her how many she has. She answered, "I had five, but one was nifter, so now I only have four." She could have just said "Four" but her answer left me feeling so bad that I asked. Does that mean I never ask anyone how many kids they have? I do, but only someone that I know HAS kids.
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amother
Steelblue
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Thu, Dec 29 2022, 6:35 pm
Whaddya know? She's color blind!
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amother
Caramel
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Thu, Dec 29 2022, 6:37 pm
I'm colorblind!! How could you even ask?!
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amother
Garnet
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Thu, Dec 29 2022, 6:39 pm
I wonder what’s inside this boureka.
Hi, I’m (so and so.)
Can I sit here?
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imacoolmom
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Thu, Dec 29 2022, 6:42 pm
And so this is why I avoid going to Simchas.
Seriously though, I find most people are nice and well meaning and I’m an honest person. So if someone asks me a question and it happens to be a sore subject I just answer truthfully and the person most likely responds with sympathy or encouragement which I find heart warming. ( I can tell though if it’s not genuine though ). I think people like when others are open and honest about themselves
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amother
Caramel
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Thu, Dec 29 2022, 6:47 pm
amother Garnet wrote: | I wonder what’s inside this boureka.
Hi, I’m (so and so.)
Can I sit here? |
The first two aren't questions. I'm insulated that you thought I wouldn't notice.
Can you sit here? Do you think I'm a social pariah and no one else wants to sit near me?
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hodeez
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Thu, Dec 29 2022, 6:55 pm
How bout the classic imamother "am I pregnant?"
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amother
Carnation
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Thu, Dec 29 2022, 7:12 pm
This can be a sensitive question if they know them from a place they wouldn’t want to say.
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amother
Caramel
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Thu, Dec 29 2022, 7:19 pm
hodeez wrote: | How bout the classic imamother "am I pregnant?" |
What?? Are you asking me because you think I look pregnant?
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amother
Acacia
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Thu, Dec 29 2022, 7:23 pm
Rub it in about my accent, why don't you?
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amother
Steelblue
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Thu, Dec 29 2022, 7:40 pm
amother Carnation wrote: | This can be a sensitive question if they know them from a place they wouldn’t want to say. |
I actually recently had that. I asked someone, how do you know the mechuteniste and she said, "From around". I realized after that they are in a group together for parents of OTD kids, but she obviously didn't want to say that.
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amother
Acacia
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Thu, Dec 29 2022, 7:42 pm
amother Carnation wrote: | This can be a sensitive question if they know them from a place they wouldn’t want to say. |
Yes, like from an online forum and being asked in a yeshivishe/chassidishe setting lol
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zaq
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Thu, Dec 29 2022, 8:15 pm
amother Carnation wrote: | This can be a sensitive question if they know them from a place they wouldn’t want to say. |
Like what? BY of Lower Slobbovia? Bedford Regional Corrections Center, which is often assumed to be the same place but isn't? Come on, give people credit for an ounce of brains. If they met at Alcoholics Anonymous they'll say at a class; if it was at the Breast Enhancement Center, they'll say at a doctor's office.
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zaq
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Thu, Dec 29 2022, 8:17 pm
amother Steelblue wrote: | , a woman was once talking about her kids, so I asked her how many she has. She answered, "I had five, but one was nifter, so now I only have four." She could have just said "Four" but her answer left me feeling so bad that I asked. Does that mean I never ask anyone how many kids they have? I do, but only someone that I know HAS kids. |
No need for you to feel bad; it was her choice to spill all that and quite unnecessary, too.
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amother
Lemon
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Thu, Dec 29 2022, 8:25 pm
How do you know the baalei simcha?
Who is playing the music?
Your dress is beautiful.
I like that the music is not too loud.
Mazal tov
Weather
City live in
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amother
Caramel
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Thu, Dec 29 2022, 8:26 pm
zaq wrote: | Like what? BY of Lower Slobbovia? Bedford Regional Corrections Center, which is often assumed to be the same place but isn't? Come on, give people credit for an ounce of brains. If they met at Alcoholics Anonymous they'll say at a class; if it was at the Breast Enhancement Center, they'll say at a doctor's office. |
I really didn't want to say, but since everyone keeps pushing for the details, I'll tell you. We met at the clothing gemach. We bonded over our shared sense of fashion, and have been friends ever since.
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zaq
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Thu, Dec 29 2022, 8:36 pm
amother NeonYellow wrote: | If you’re uncomfortable with a question someone asks, you just up and walk away? Never heard that one before. |
That seems rather rude unless the question itself was rude, like "Where did you get that hideous dress?" Why not say, simply, I'm not at liberty to answer that, or, if you like to be funny, say with a big grin, "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."
Some people seem to think that by being mysterious they make themselves more...IDK...intriguing? I find it annoying. I don't mean evading nosey questions, but giving deliberately non-answers to innocuous questions. Why pretend to work for the agency-that-must-not-be-named (FBI? CIA? Interpol?) when you really work as an inspector for the Department of Sanitation? Why not explain that your work hours vary because there's a lot of emergency work, instead of acting as if you can never plan ahead because the Commander-in-Chief has you on speed dial and could send you overseas at a moment's notice? Real spies have prepared cover stories and will tell you straight out that they're a purchasing agent for a small surgical-supply manufacturer in Missouri.
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