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Forum
-> Working Women
amother
Peachpuff
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Fri, Jan 13 2023, 3:36 pm
Your PAID job is part time. Nobody is doubting that your life outside of your work hours isn't a vacation.
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amother
Pearl
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Fri, Jan 13 2023, 3:51 pm
amother OP wrote: | What’s you’re doing is amazing.
I’m NOT here to take away credit from those who work full time.
Just discerning that the term part time always sounds so reductive from the actual 24 hr workload we all have. |
I do get it. What you are doing is amazing too. Even though they are divided up differently, they are full to the brim.
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amother
Tealblue
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Fri, Jan 13 2023, 4:05 pm
amother OP wrote: | What’s you’re doing is amazing.
I’m NOT here to take away credit from those who work full time.
Just discerning that the term part time always sounds so reductive from the actual 24 hr workload we all have. |
Everyone who is a mom has a 24 hour job. But you do not work full time on top of that. You have a part time job.
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amother
Iris
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Fri, Jan 13 2023, 4:11 pm
My husband and I split household responsibilities pretty evenly. I get stressed from cooking so he handles most of the cooking. I like doing laundry so I do it. He’s stronger than me so he does all the heavy lifting. I handle pregnancy, childbirth and nursing. He helps out as much as a man can with those things.
I was very angry about how I saw the women in my life having way more responsibility than their husbands so I made sure to outright say on dates that I don’t think I have to be in charge of cooking just because I’m a woman. My husband was like, of course not!
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LovesHashem
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Sat, Jan 14 2023, 11:04 am
amother DarkCyan wrote: | I’m newly wed and I don’t have any kids, I’m not trying to be judgmental I only want to understand. Every time I see a post about mothers working cooking and cleaning, I wonder where are the men? I feel like because I’m not in this stage yet everyone understands something I don’t. Are the men out from 9-9?
To me, common sense would indicate that if wife works to bring in money, the housework is shared. This doesn’t seem to be the case, why? |
Because men wake up extra early to daven shachris with a minyan, after work they eat dinner and daven maarive and learn or they do help. At least the men I know.
To me as long as both parties are busy with important tasks I don't see an issue. So if my husband is working/learning/at minyan/at a Hatzalah call - whatever it is I don't mind I'm at home cleaning up alone.
But if my husband was laid across the couch reading a novel as I cleaned the house - yes I'd find an issue with that.
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amother
Lemon
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Sat, Jan 14 2023, 12:17 pm
No one is suggesting that a Mom who works outside the home (or works from home) Part Time is not utterly exhausted.
But she is still working for pay Part Time.
If the question were How Many Hours are you Busy then the answer would be, like, 16-18+ - more than Full Time. But that's a different question.
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amother
Steelblue
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Sat, Jan 14 2023, 7:14 pm
The younger generation of men does help bh.
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amother
Viola
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Sat, Jan 14 2023, 7:22 pm
My husband works pretty darn hard too. Waking up at 7am and coming home at 9pm.
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amother
Green
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Sat, Jan 14 2023, 7:25 pm
I technically work part time but I consider it full time bec I leave with my kids and come home with them. Friends who work full time have help at home to be home for their preschoolers and or babies. They walk into their house and their kids re already home and settled etc. I run from my job to pick up my kids, run to the bus stops while barely catching my breath. It’s no competition we all work hard
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amother
Steelblue
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Sat, Jan 14 2023, 7:33 pm
amother Green wrote: | I technically work part time but I consider it full time bec I leave with my kids and come home with them. Friends who work full time have help at home to be home for their preschoolers and or babies. They walk into their house and their kids re already home and settled etc. I run from my job to pick up my kids, run to the bus stops while barely catching my breath. It’s no competition we all work hard |
You still don’t work full time but I agree with you that your set up can be harder. Mine is similar.
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Bananas!
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Sat, Jan 14 2023, 8:09 pm
A mother is a full time job when you work outside the house you give over child care and do other work
I don’t think it matter how many hours you work outside the house as mothers we work full time
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amother
Mintcream
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Sat, Jan 14 2023, 8:16 pm
amother DarkCyan wrote: | Am I in denial? Do the men sit on the couch while the women do everything? Are they equally busy? |
The men work 12 hour days + go to minyan
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amother
Trillium
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Sat, Jan 14 2023, 8:16 pm
amother DarkCyan wrote: | Am I in denial? Do the men sit on the couch while the women do everything? Are they equally busy? |
Don’t know about the rest of the imas here… but unless I beg on hand and knee, yes my husband is sitting on the couch Doing nothing . I tried to get our marriage counselor to help him see my perspective and then my husband decided we need a new marriage counselor 😭😭
Most Heathy mentch’lach husbands who are home in the evening are helping their wives
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amother
Wallflower
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Sat, Jan 14 2023, 8:27 pm
amother DarkCyan wrote: | I’m newly wed and I don’t have any kids, I’m not trying to be judgmental I only want to understand. Every time I see a post about mothers working cooking and cleaning, I wonder where are the men? I feel like because I’m not in this stage yet everyone understands something I don’t. Are the men out from 9-9?
To me, common sense would indicate that if wife works to bring in money, the housework is shared. This doesn’t seem to be the case, why? |
We both work full time and share housework. DH and I both work 2 full time jobs -our income job and our household/kids job.
That being said, I'm better at some things (laundry, dishes) and DH is better at others (cleaning up the toys, sweeping) so we gravitate towards the things we each do better.
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amother
Carnation
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Sat, Jan 14 2023, 8:53 pm
amother OP wrote: | Husband does what he can when he gets home from his 9-6 plus 1 hr commute each way.
It’s a long day so when he gets home he does the most he can.
I’m fine with the husband works, wife-keep-house system - even though I work too- because I believe in the old-fashioned values of female capabilities vs. male capabilities + my husband is the main breadwinner in our home. And he really does pitch in when I ask. |
Didn't read the whole thread, but have you ever read eishes chayil?
She was one capable lady.
I'm not sure where the old fashioned values of what men are capable of vs women comes from. Not the Torah!
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amother
Green
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Sat, Jan 14 2023, 8:58 pm
Most husbands (at least in my circles) aren’t working strict 9-5s they work much fuller days and also have minyan etc. it’s nice to be a newlywed thinking husbands should be equal partners but that doesn’t work unless your husband is home by like 5:30 lol. And I can’t imagine being able to make a living with a frum family having that 1970s 9-5.
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amother
Cognac
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Sat, Jan 14 2023, 10:24 pm
amother Carnation wrote: | Didn't read the whole thread, but have you ever read eishes chayil?
She was one capable lady.
I'm not sure where the old fashioned values of what men are capable of vs women comes from. Not the Torah! | some say this wasn’t all one woman.
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amother
Carnation
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Sat, Jan 14 2023, 10:34 pm
Whether it was one woman or 10, they weren't following traditional gender roles
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amother
Pearl
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Sat, Jan 14 2023, 10:36 pm
Bananas! wrote: | A mother is a full time job when you work outside the house you give over child care and do other work
I don’t think it matter how many hours you work outside the house as mothers we work full time |
I work full time but I don't give over child care at all. My kids are all in school and we don't have any outside childcare. Let's not make assumptions.
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