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Forum
-> Household Management
-> Finances
CPenzias
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Sun, Jan 29 2023, 2:53 pm
So because you can't afford a lavish meal you shouldn't go out at all? How disgusting.
There was a time in our lives when $85 was a lot of money. Bh we're not there anymore but I empathize.
Also, if I caused stress to someone I'd want to know so I can pay it back. $85 to you means more than $85 to them. I think you should say something
Last edited by CPenzias on Sun, Jan 29 2023, 5:18 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Mollie
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Sun, Jan 29 2023, 3:05 pm
CPenzias wrote: | So because you can't afford a lavish meal you shouldn't go out at all? How disgusting.
There was a time in our lives when $85 was a lot of money. Bh we're not there anymore but I emphasize.
Also, if I caused stress to someone I'd want to know so I can pay it back. $85 to you means more than $85 to them. I think you should say something |
I assume it was an expensive place. If the money was going to be an issue then it should have been discussed before hand. Like I said, splitting check is a social norm.
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CPenzias
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Sun, Jan 29 2023, 3:07 pm
Mollie wrote: | I assume it was an expensive place. If the money was going to be an issue then it should have been discussed before hand. Like I said, splitting check is a social norm. |
Maybe in your social circles. In mine discussing it is social norm
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Mollie
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Sun, Jan 29 2023, 3:10 pm
CPenzias wrote: | Maybe in your social circles. In mine discussing it is social norm |
Ok, so then there’s no point in this discussion. We don’t know the OP’s situation.
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amother
Cornsilk
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Sun, Jan 29 2023, 3:12 pm
Mollie wrote: | I assume it was an expensive place. If the money was going to be an issue then it should have been discussed before hand. Like I said, splitting check is a social norm. |
Splitting is the norm in my circles but not if I ordered expensive + apps + dessert and the other couple ordered one cheap item. That’s considered tacky.
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crbc
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Sun, Jan 29 2023, 3:14 pm
Mollie wrote: | I assume it was an expensive place. If the money was going to be an issue then it should have been discussed before hand. Like I said, splitting check is a social norm. |
Splitting the check when you clearly spent more is not a social norm at all!! If you feel you spent about the same or less then the other person, only then can you suggest splitting the bill. It's a major faux pas if you spend more then the other party and then suggest splitting the bill!!!
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amother
Aconite
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Sun, Jan 29 2023, 3:17 pm
I've been in this situation a few times in past. Ordered bare minimum just to join and then bill was split. Wasn't happy.
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Mollie
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Sun, Jan 29 2023, 3:20 pm
amother Indigo wrote: | Wow, that's upsetting! Can you fill us in in the numbers? I don't see why "it made sense" to split if the was such a large disparity between what you ordered and what they ordered.
How many people were there in total? If it was just 2 couples then for you to have paid an extra $85 would mean that you ordered $100 and they ordered $270 and each side paid $185. That would be ridiculous. Was there many people in the group? |
She never answered this question. I agree if it was just 2 couples and one paid $200 more then it would be strange. I’m assuming since that would be very socially off, it was probably a few families.
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amother
Cognac
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Sun, Jan 29 2023, 3:25 pm
I’m angry on your behalf. The only person to offer to split is the person who clearly spent less!
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amother
Fuchsia
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Sun, Jan 29 2023, 3:33 pm
So I’m not poor but I still feel cheated if I ordered one cheap dish (because I happen to like a burger or fried chicken more than a steak not because I can’t afford it and Im also a small person and get full very quickly) and everyone else is ordering expensive steaks plus soups plus appetizers and dessert and I’m expected to pay an equal share. What you can do is at the start of the meal I say something like “I’ll pay the check and I’ll send you your totals after. This way no one is uncomfortable and can order whatever you want” I happen to have a good memory and remember what everyone ordered and I do the math on my own after (taking out calculators and paper and pencil in the restaurant is tacky) and privately message each person with their total and they quick pay me. Never had an issue. Very easy when it’s just you and one other couple but can be done with many people too
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amother
Denim
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Sun, Jan 29 2023, 3:33 pm
100% not the norm to split bill down the middle if one couple/person was being careful/clearly getting less expensive options and less courses than the other! Especially if they don't offer to split it!!
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amother
Amaranthus
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Sun, Jan 29 2023, 3:40 pm
amother Fuchsia wrote: | So I’m not poor but I still feel cheated if I ordered one cheap dish (because I happen to like a burger or fried chicken more than a steak not because I can’t afford it and Im also a small person and get full very quickly) and everyone else is ordering expensive steaks plus soups plus appetizers and dessert and I’m expected to pay an equal share. What you can do is at the start of the meal I say something like “I’ll pay the check and I’ll send you your totals after. This way no one is uncomfortable and can order whatever you want” I happen to have a good memory and remember what everyone ordered and I do the math on my own after (taking out calculators and paper and pencil in the restaurant is tacky) and privately message each person with their total and they quick pay me. Never had an issue. Very easy when it’s just you and one other couple but can be done with many people too |
This sounds like quite a hassle. If everyone is paying their own, why not simply have separate checks.
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dancingqueen
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Sun, Jan 29 2023, 4:53 pm
amother Amaranthus wrote: | This sounds like quite a hassle. If everyone is paying their own, why not simply have separate checks. |
Restaurants don’t always like taking lots of different CCs. One person often pays and everyone else can venmo their share.
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notshanarishona
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Sun, Jan 29 2023, 5:01 pm
Anytime I went out with friends we each paid for what we bought and split the tip. I would have told the relative it doesn’t work for you but after the fact I would probably just deal with it and not go out with them again.
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amother
Saddlebrown
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Sun, Jan 29 2023, 5:14 pm
Just curious, OP. Has your financial situation recently changed?
Is it possible that the other couple had no idea you were tight, and just assumed you were in the same financial bracket as usual?
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amother
Smokey
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Sun, Jan 29 2023, 5:28 pm
I am Israel if that makes a difference but when we go out we always split the bill based on what each person bought. We went out with a couple for like the first time ever we actually offered to pay for them but they wouldn't let. And the end we each took our own bill. BH I am comfortable now. Not wealthy but I know what it's like to really struggle to pay every single bill and I'm extra sensitive if I go out with friends to make sure that I pay extra if I can I would never put them in a position where they have to pay because I ate more food. I would feel absolutely awful. I think some of it has money needs to be more sensitive to those that don't not vice versa. I'm so sorry that happened I would have been mad also.
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amother
Cinnamon
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Sun, Jan 29 2023, 5:41 pm
That was chutzpah. I'm sorry they should not have insisted. Telling the waiter in the beginning that you want separate checks is easier than telling them at the end that you just want to pay what you got. I wonder halachically if what they did was allowed.
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amother
Mayflower
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Sun, Jan 29 2023, 5:49 pm
Sorry but I would say something
Even now I would text them and let them know how much this hurt you and that they literally took food out of your kids mouths since the extra $85 is coming from your food budget
How they ruined a once in a long time splurge for you and DH
Not nice at all
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amother
Brass
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Sun, Jan 29 2023, 5:52 pm
Mollie wrote: | I’ll be the dissenting voice. Once you are invited out, it’s perfectly within social norms to split the check. I think it’s tacky to take out a calculator and divide to see who had what. If you can’t afford it, you should have made an excuse and declined the invitation. |
It’s a casual meal with a relative, not an interview. Who cares if it’s tacky. She offered to do the math
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nicole81
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Sun, Jan 29 2023, 6:02 pm
Mollie wrote: | I assume it was an expensive place. If the money was going to be an issue then it should have been discussed before hand. Like I said, splitting check is a social norm. |
While splitting the check is normal for many, sensitivity trumps the practice in terms of social norms. When there's an obviously large gap in what two parties are ordering, the social norm would be to go along with what the people who ordered the less expensive items want.
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