He thinks he's funny when he's chutzpadig

amother

Tue, Feb 07 2023, 8:38 pm

behappy2 wrote:

It's Possible that he got too much negative and positive attention for this behavior. I think a very clear behavior plan may help.

I agree with this.

amother

Tue, Feb 07 2023, 8:39 pm

amother Daphne wrote:

I would speak to a psychologist for guidance.

I wish I had one I could speak to. He's been on a waiting list for free therapy for the past year or so. I do not have money to pay for a psychologist.

amother

Wine

Tue, Feb 07 2023, 10:00 pm

As soon as I saw your title, I guessed his age. My 10 year old son has gotten very smart-alecky and could totally see him saying something like his “not the brightest” comment. When he is bored he bothers his siblings, otherwise he is a pleasure. We try to give him a lot of attention and healthy outlets when we can.

amother

Daphne

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 11:14 am

amother OP wrote:

I wish I had one I could speak to. He's been on a waiting list for free therapy for the past year or so. I do not have money to pay for a psychologist.

You can pay for a consultation and get some tips and an approach to follow. Doesn’t necessarily have to be long term.

amother

Lawngreen

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 11:19 am

Honestly it still sounds like adhd/ impulsive behavior to me. Not the same thing as chutzpah at all and by punishing him you're ignoring the root cause

Iymnok

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 11:59 am

Do you know what happened in class? He might not really understand what was wrong with it. Listen to the rebbi then listen to your son. Try to find, with your son, why someone might not like the interaction. Talk it out together with him.
He’ll find something to write.

Phoebe31

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 12:52 pm

Your son sounds like my daughter, she was a dream child, super chilled and she still is. Everyone loves her but she is impulsive, has a huge imagination and loves to be silly. She was diagnosed with ADHD this past December, something you may want to look into.

Phoebe31

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 12:53 pm

amother OP wrote:

I wish I had one I could speak to. He's been on a waiting list for free therapy for the past year or so. I do not have money to pay for a psychologist.

You need a neuropsychologist, not a psychologist. It is a big expense but your child deserves to get the help they need.

amother

Hosta

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 2:02 pm

I third ADHD. I have a son like this. He's a great kid, but he does have this sort of impulsive behavior, and it was getting him into real trouble.

He needs an evaluation. Speak to your pediatrician. Sometimes pediatricians can help -- they may know of a clinic that does these sorts of evaluations that's accepted by your insurance. Or he may be willing to trial him on some medication to see whether it helps.

You want to nip this in the bud before it really affects the way he views himself.

#BestBubby

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 2:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

At the beginning of this thread, some amothers felt ds wasn't really chutzpadig. Well, this incident will change their minds if they still think that.

Ds respected his rebbi this year, but now he has become chutzpadig in class. Today he was so bad that his rebbi texted me, saying he was shocked at the things ds said, and ds can't come back to class until he writes a 50 word composition about the importance of derech eretz and gets it signed by a parent.

Well, ds came home and pretended to know nothing about the whole thing. He said he's not writing a composition, so I made him stay in his room until it was done. Here's what he wrote on his first attempt:

Dear Rabbi _____,
I don't know what I did wrong, but who cares?

Then he called e in to help him figure out how to continue. And he told me his rebbi is an uneducated teacher who needs to learn who it means to really be chutzpadig.

I need to figure out how to handle this child, because he always insists he did nothing wrong, and anyone who is accusing him is just being too strict or too mean or too stupid.

I disagree your child is adhd.

Your child has chutzpah, which is normal but should be dealt with.

If he is chutzpadig to rebbe or parent, or bothers sibling he should be given time out.

You should also do incentive chart.

Print out on a page

His name, line for date ‐-----------‐

Behavior --------- 1 (very good) 2. (Ok)
3 (needs improvement)

Some space for optional comment.

Rebbe should sign.

If DS gets 5 vg or ok per week, he gets a prize.

You can print 3 charts on one page.

Give rebbe a few pages and ask if rebbe could fill out daily. Only takes a minute.

‐‐---‐‐-------------------‐--------

At home give snack and drink,, and 5 minutes attention when DS comes home.

Give DS some more attention before bedtime.

#BestBubby

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 2:18 pm

If you go to any doctor, they will just push you to medicate your child.

Phoebe31

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 2:32 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

He is 10 years old! What is a time out going to do aside from shaming him??

No guarantee any dr will recommend meds, they didnt with my ADHD child. However, getting him a diagnosis will not only help the parents understand their child better, it will help him understand himself better. He is suffering, struggling and you are suggesting a time out??

#BestBubby

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 7:07 pm

He is not suffering.

He is a normal child who needs to learn self control.

Worst thing is to put a label on a child and
Let him grow up not a Mentch.

That destroys a whole life.

A child With no self control us not fit for marriage.

Maybe not fit for work.

mommyisbest

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 7:28 pm

Try the Nurtured Heart approach. Works wonders.