In an awful mom | Imamother

amother

Midnight

Sun, Feb 12 2023, 3:49 pm

I'm the one that posted about medication I was really going through a very very stressful. No money sick parent new baby I don't remember what else was happening but it was just too much. I took an anti-anxiety medicine for probably about 6 months and I was able to slowly stop taking it. I stopped yelling at my kids yelling at my husband. I became a really nice pleasant person and I really knew that's what I was inside but I was just blocked by it from all the stress of my life. It doesn't need to be forever but you know what if it does I know plenty of people on medication long term and they would be really horrible people without it and they know that and they're so grateful for medication to keep them sane. I have a child is on anti-anxiety medication in this child went from not being able to say a word in class to not having any friends to actually being a normal kid who's capable of making friends and participating in class. This medicine can be life changing and there's nothing wrong with taking it. Whether it's long-term or short-term. I'm not saying you shouldn't do other therapies and get help as well. I'm just getting it sometimes the situation is just too overwhelming and this is what you need for short-term it may or may not work but they don't have a lot to lose but you should definitely look into the other options people are saying as well.

amother

Gold

Sun, Feb 12 2023, 3:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

Gold I’m not jealous of my child.

Maybe not currently but it may happen one day.

Quote:

And I disagree that I’m a good mom

.
Look at all the white around the black!
You may need better parenting skills. Have you read "How to Talk... How to Listen?"

Quote:

If my mom would have posted here you might have written the same thing (after all she got poor treatment from her own mother.) but she was awful

Clever! And you're probably right! As we grow though we start to see things from a different perspective. It's not all black and white.
I'm not downplaying awful. I know what an awful mother is and the havoc it wreaks on a child's life. None of us would choose this position or to be born into it.
But recognize that you have a ton of potential. Potential to be better than you recognize right now with limited vision. We learned some unpleasant character traits from our parents because that was their coping mechanism. But they are not truly ours! We can push them away and say this isn't me! I don't want to be like that, I want better!
And it is all within your reach. And I know you want to get there because you won't allow your children the same childhood you had.

amother

Burgundy

Sun, Feb 12 2023, 4:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

And I disagree that I’m a good mom.
If my mom would have posted here you might have written the same thing

I so often think the same thing! I can’t handle hearing such “compliments”. I immediately feel like I’m my parent.
But I do know that my parent would’ve basked in the glory of this compliment. Feeling discomfort is just one of the signs that you are not your mother.

amother

Amber

Sun, Feb 12 2023, 8:00 pm

For practical purposes can you put a clock in your childs room and show them when theyre allowed to wake you?
Can you leave out cereal or snackbag for them to eat in the morning?
If you arent sleeping enough at night can you nap in the day?
I also don't do well when I'm lacking sleep

amother

Grape

Sun, Feb 12 2023, 8:27 pm

I think there are two fundamentals you need to try to internalize, and will fuel your therapy/parenting education/growth as a parent.
1) I want to do better. This sets me apart from my mother. I cannot be a truly “bad mother” if I deeply want to do better. I may cause damage to my kids (everyone does!), but because I want to do better I can continually work on my awareness of what I am doing, pay attention to how my parenting impacts my kids, and seek out opportunities for growth.
2) Kids act in developmentally appropriate ways. Their behavior, however hard to deal with, is normal, means nothing about their value, and is in most situations not a reflection of me. There are of course exceptions to this but it is true as an overarching rule. Really knowing this helps reduce the intensity of your emotion when they do something “out of line.”

Obviously these are difficult points to take to heart in a real way. Therapy, continually educating yourself about parenting, self-examining what triggers you and why, and practicing real self-care will help you internalize them, but I think if you can hold them at the forefront as the basics, it will help.

amother

Lightcoral

Mon, Feb 13 2023, 7:31 am

I really want to say again that working on your nervous system will go a long way to helping you not feel intruded upon by your kids, allow you to gain calm. I would highly recommend a Somatic Experiencing therapist or to check out Irene Lyon's work or both. I know I posted already but I just reread your post and this is exactly me and it's helping me so much and you didn't respond to my previous post. If you can take a few minutes to go online and check out her stuff. See if it pulls you and talks to your heart. If it does then it's right for you.