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Forum
-> Parenting our children
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amother
OP
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 Wed, Feb 22 2023, 5:02 am
Non stop. Non freakin stop. Boys are 3 years apart. From early morning (bus comes at 8 so they are up by 7) there is teasing, chasing and physical fighting. They are 5 and 8.
Please help. I’m losing my mind. I’m in such a bad place right now.
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amother
Ecru
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Wed, Feb 22 2023, 5:39 am
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Same. Mine are 7 and 10. They don't stop! And my 7 yo screams and cries every time.
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amother
OP
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Wed, Feb 22 2023, 5:46 am
| amother Ecru wrote: | | Same. Mine are 7 and 10. They don't stop! And my 7 yo screams and cries every time. |
How do you survive?
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amother
Currant
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Wed, Feb 22 2023, 5:51 am
We fought a lot as kids because we felt unsettled.
Our home wasn't happy and calm and that affected us.
What is your home atmosphere like?
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amother
Mintcream
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Wed, Feb 22 2023, 5:53 am
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Don't mix in. Don't react. Don't yell. Just ignore. If you totally ignore the fighting, it might very likely make them stop faster.
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oneofakind
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Wed, Feb 22 2023, 6:09 am
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Try not to be judge and jury. Only intervene if one is getting seriously hurt and then comfort the victim and separate them calmly. Easier said than done. Also try to keep them busy- boredom equal finding something interesting to do. Hence fighting. Don't expect a toy will be shared nicely- try to get 2 of them or don't get it at all. Good luck
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amother
Jade
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Wed, Feb 22 2023, 6:56 am
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3 boys each 2 years apart. And I have to actually drive them to school, so I have to listen to them fighting in the car 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ Dh has a lot of brothers and says this is normal
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amother
Outerspace
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Wed, Feb 22 2023, 6:58 am
| amother Mintcream wrote: | | Don't mix in. Don't react. Don't yell. Just ignore. If you totally ignore the fighting, it might very likely make them stop faster. |
I’m guessing you don’t have boys or your home life doesn’t have this situation. If I (not OP, but someone who struggles with this as well) would totally ignore and not yell, my kids would have the potential to get seriously injured. Ignoring is not an option.
Something that helped me tremendously particularly for the morning is that we created a morning checklist for my boys. If they get through their checklist by a certain time in the morning WITHOUT fighting, they can watch until carpool. For example, my kids are up by 6 (sometimes earlier.) they need to be fully dressed, teeth brushed, breakfast eaten, etc and then they can watch from 7:30-8:15. If they fight, we skip watching for that morning. We did this for around 2 years before we got to where we are now where we can bh have a pretty peaceful morning and they don’t need to watch. Another thing that helps is that I am present. It’s hard but I try to go downstairs and be with them even if it’s early. Good luck!!
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amother
Mintcream
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Wed, Feb 22 2023, 7:15 am
| amother Outerspace wrote: | I’m guessing you don’t have boys or your home life doesn’t have this situation. If I (not OP, but someone who struggles with this as well) would totally ignore and not yell, my kids would have the potential to get seriously injured. Ignoring is not an option.
Something that helped me tremendously particularly for the morning is that we created a morning checklist for my boys. If they get through their checklist by a certain time in the morning WITHOUT fighting, they can watch until carpool. For example, my kids are up by 6 (sometimes earlier.) they need to be fully dressed, teeth brushed, breakfast eaten, etc and then they can watch from 7:30-8:15. If they fight, we skip watching for that morning. We did this for around 2 years before we got to where we are now where we can bh have a pretty peaceful morning and they don’t need to watch. Another thing that helps is that I am present. It’s hard but I try to go downstairs and be with them even if it’s early. Good luck!! |
I have boys and girls bh. Healthy boys and girls bh.
The time to intervene is only when/if someone gers injured. Otherwise, just let them fight it out. Ignoring is an option, you just have to work on it. More often than not, parents yelling and mixing in just causes more fighting. Just let them fight it out.
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amother
NeonGreen
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Wed, Feb 22 2023, 7:21 am
| amother Mintcream wrote: | I have boys and girls bh. Healthy boys and girls bh.
The time to intervene is only when/if someone gers injured. Otherwise, just let them fight it out. Ignoring is an option, you just have to work on it. More often than not, parents yelling and mixing in just causes more fighting. Just let them fight it out. |
Only after a child is hurt?
How hurt?
Bites, scratches, punches, hitting with objects, chokeholds… I don’t want to tune it out until someone is bleeding or concussed. The only times my kids reeled themselves in from a fight were when broken bones or stitches were involved.
I don’t understand how “ignore it” is an option.
Last edited by amother on Wed, Feb 22 2023, 7:25 am; edited 1 time in total
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mha3484
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Wed, Feb 22 2023, 7:23 am
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My boys fight a lot too but so did my uncles and so do most kids. I keep out unless someone is really getting badly hurt. I think its annoying but psychologically normal. For your average neurotypical child.
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BrisketBoss
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Wed, Feb 22 2023, 8:26 am
It really is situation dependent. Most of the time it is best to stay out of it, but then maybe talk to the kids later, casually, to discover different solutions to their problems.
A surprising amount of sibling fighting is about getting the parents' attention, when the norm is that that's what happens. The siblings sort of work together to achieve that while having no idea on a conscious level that this is what they're doing.
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Bnei Berak 10
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Wed, Feb 22 2023, 8:32 am
| amother Outerspace wrote: | I’m guessing you don’t have boys or your home life doesn’t have this situation. If I (not OP, but someone who struggles with this as well) would totally ignore and not yell, my kids would have the potential to get seriously injured. Ignoring is not an option.
Something that helped me tremendously particularly for the morning is that we created a morning checklist for my boys. If they get through their checklist by a certain time in the morning WITHOUT fighting, they can watch until carpool. For example, my kids are up by 6 (sometimes earlier.) they need to be fully dressed, teeth brushed, breakfast eaten, etc and then they can watch from 7:30-8:15. If they fight, we skip watching for that morning. We did this for around 2 years before we got to where we are now where we can bh have a pretty peaceful morning and they don’t need to watch. Another thing that helps is that I am present. It’s hard but I try to go downstairs and be with them even if it’s early. Good luck!! |
I like your suggestions!
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amother
Mintcream
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Wed, Feb 22 2023, 8:43 am
| amother NeonGreen wrote: | Only after a child is hurt?
How hurt?
Bites, scratches, punches, hitting with objects, chokeholds… I don’t want to tune it out until someone is bleeding or concussed. The only times my kids reeled themselves in from a fight were when broken bones or stitches were involved.
I don’t understand how “ignore it” is an option. |
Yeah, stay out of it till there's danger/bleeding involved. This is how they learn. The more attention you give to the fighting, the more they'll fight.
Just make sure they're not bored alot and that your home has a calm vibe. High strung parents definitely cause kids to act out and fight more.
If your kids fight on a regular basis to the point of concussion & broken bones, perhaps they need to be evaluated.
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