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Forum
-> Pregnancy & Childbirth
-> Formula Feeding
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amother
OP
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 Sun, Mar 05 2023, 9:26 pm
I had a really traumatic birth. After, I was really out of it, depressed and in a tremendous amount of pain. Mentally, I just was unable to nurse (even tho I bought a pump before I went into labor and was initially really excited to nurse). Soon my milk dried up, and by the time I was semi interested to even look at my baby- it was too late.
My baby has sever stomach issues, is crazy colicky and is very difficult. We jumped from pediatric gi drs to a variety of homeopathic approaches to acupuncture. We put her on hypoallergenic formula. But nothing helped.
Now she is a bit older (4 months), and much better. But still not always great. I feel like if I would have nursed, she would’ve been totally fine. I regret it so much. I also feel like formula is garbage as the first ingredient is corn syrup.
Ugh I just feel horrible as breast milk is much better.
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amother
Daffodil
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Sun, Mar 05 2023, 9:28 pm
If it makes you feel any better my baby with stomach issues had even worse stomach issues when I nursed her because she's allergic to so many foods.
Turns out she does better on soy formula than on anything else, and yes we tried everything
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amother
Sage
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Sun, Mar 05 2023, 9:35 pm
You may be right, that it's because of the formula. And maybe not.
But either way, it was Hashem Who gave you that rough birth and that rough start, that took your decision to nurse and made it feel ludicrous in the moment. It's Hashgacha Pratis that this baby is on formula. You may never know the reason why, but if Hashem did it, you can be sure it's good.
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amother
Poppy
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Sun, Mar 05 2023, 9:38 pm
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It's hard to get now, but Kendamil formula is made from goats milk and much healthier than regular formula. I use it and feel like I'm giving my baby a great alternative to breast milk.
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amother
Honeysuckle
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Sun, Mar 05 2023, 9:42 pm
OP there’s a chance you could get your supply back with lots of pumping and domperidone. It may be worth a try.
Alternately, look into Weston a price homemade formula
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hodeez
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Sun, Mar 05 2023, 9:44 pm
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And my babies with allergies were beyond miserable on breast milk and formula, the answer isn't always so pashut. Give yourself a break, rejoice your child is getting better
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LittleDucky
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Sun, Mar 05 2023, 9:55 pm
Your baby could have had the same issues either way. But your baby now has a mom. A healthy mom who can take care of them and love them... if you had pushed yourself to nurse who knows how long it would have taken to get back to yourself and be able to be there for your baby!!
Having a healthy mom is so crucial- it will last a lifetime compared to a few months of stomach upset (that they may have had anyways!).
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amother
Black
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Sun, Mar 05 2023, 10:05 pm
I'm so sorry Op that you ams baby had such a rough start.
It's not easy. My second child was also a traumatic birth but even more traumatic was after birth complications and a gongential condition my baby had. It was so hard. I developed severe PPD which I didnt even realize at the time. I just kept focusing on having everyone fed and dressed and the house liveable. Had very little support due to my abusive background and inlaws where were preoccupied with 2 cancer patients. One survived. One not. It was a very very difficult time.
But it all came to a head when I was finally so burnt out I started yelling at my kids to shut up amd even potched my older kid who was then a sweet kind gentle neshamala (still is). When I think back I want to smack myself instead. Hitting (my motherbused items and who bruise me black and blue) was something I grew up with and I had promised myself I won't do it to my kids. But I did potch too. Too many times. One is also too many. and I have to live with that knowledge. Bh I got myself into therapy and it's history. But it was a very very difficult time.
That child was a very very very very Colicy baby. Then she also had a ton of foods she was allergic or intolerant to. She would cry nonstop literally. Some nights dh would put her into the last room for 1/2 hour so I could get some sleep. Dh would help as much as he could hut he worked 13+ hour days plus commute and he needed to be out the door early. It was insanity. But then, she turned into a delightful toddler and I soon breathed a little easier. But as soon as she started preschool at 3 years old, and life got a bit stressful, like the bus ride was too long, or the kid colored on her paper. Or whatever she couldn't cope. She developed an impulse disorder. Severe ADHD and ODD like symptoms but basically only socially. And mostly at home.
After years of trying a million and one things and experts and the schools and therapists involved I came to the conclusion that her responses to lifes happenings and behaviours are rooted in the poor attachment she had. I wasn't physically capable of caring for her very well as a small baby and emotionally for sure not. And then with her physical conditions that was very very painful....
The more I read about attachment. And childhood trauma and early childhood trauma, it clicked in my head.
So now we are doing the path to healing, to internal healing, thru alternative therapeutic venues and bh, I am finally seeing results. The little flower is starting to bloom. I need to repair our bond and learn to attach to each other in a healthy manner. She didn't choose to be this way. She had no say in her trauma and subsequent issues.
Now that I know what I know, I keep seeing very colic babies and struggling mothers and very often I then hear about the traumatic births or other trauma in-utero or shortly after birth.
I took a long break after her. And have since has a handful of children bh. They are bh normal helathy developing children. No-one had any issues even remotely close to hers.
Your baby is struggling as much as you are. You both need to heal. You both can and will iyh heal.
Think about it.
Refua sheleima to both of you and take care of yourself. You matter, you are important. This babybhas got only you she's counting on. My fellow Jewish mother, I feel you, I love you! Take care.
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amother
Heather
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Sun, Mar 05 2023, 10:22 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I had a really traumatic birth. After, I was really out of it, depressed and in a tremendous amount of pain. Mentally, I just was unable to nurse (even tho I bought a pump before I went into labor and was initially really excited to nurse). Soon my milk dried up, and by the time I was semi interested to even look at my baby- it was too late.
My baby has sever stomach issues, is crazy colicky and is very difficult. We jumped from pediatric gi drs to a variety of homeopathic approaches to acupuncture. We put her on hypoallergenic formula. But nothing helped.
Now she is a bit older (4 months), and much better. But still not always great. I feel like if I would have nursed, she would’ve been totally fine. I regret it so much. I also feel like formula is garbage as the first ingredient is corn syrup.
Ugh I just feel horrible as breast milk is much better. |
Perhaps you try collecting mothers milk ? There are banks for it and some very helpful women . Ive done it . Its not so hard and worth the collecting .
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scintilla
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Sun, Mar 05 2023, 10:29 pm
| amother Sage wrote: | You may be right, that it's because of the formula. And maybe not.
But either way, it was Hashem Who gave you that rough birth and that rough start, that took your decision to nurse and made it feel ludicrous in the moment. It's Hashgacha Pratis that this baby is on formula. You may never know the reason why, but if Hashem did it, you can be sure it's good. |
Love love this. OP I made myself absolutely insane to nurse my babies and it just hasn't worked out yet, I've had some of the best LCs in the world and still. So I know the grief. My kids also have stomach issues. It's really, really hard. Let yourself feel the grief, accept that you did your best and that's all that was asked of you and move on and focus on giving your baby the best version of yourself that you can. Give your baby lots of snuggles and close bonding bottle feeds - it really helped me. And keep in mind that we just aren't in control, Hashem is.
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metacognizant
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Sun, Mar 05 2023, 10:45 pm
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A friend of mine who has an adopted daughter (adopted at birth) recently confided in me that she was able to breastfeed (!!!!) her daughter. If memory serves, she didn’t take any hormones but what she did do is chest feeding. This is where you attach a tube to a reservoir of formula, the tube ends at your n1pple, you latch the baby on your n1pple as if you were nursing, and the baby suckles and receives the formula from the tube. In and of itself this is a good alternative to bottle feeding for anyone who is feeding their baby formula for any reason, because unlike with bottle feeding you also have the sensation of the baby feeding from your br3ast, However in my friend’s case, feeding her daughter this way for an extended period of time actually resulted in her beginning to lactate and she ended up just nursing her daughter! I only bring this story to show that the human body is such an amazing thing, capable of so much more than we expect, You can google “formula chest feeding” to learn more about this. I am sure you are a really wonderful mom and you love your baby. The most important thing is to love her and care for her now and not focus too much on regrets. Hatzlacha.
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amother
Bellflower
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Sun, Mar 05 2023, 10:56 pm
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There are healthier formulas you can try that don’t have corn syrup. I breastfed but I used Baby’s Only Formula at the same time. It has natural ingredients. Look for healthy formula options or goats milk as others have mentioned is supposed to be easier to digest. You don’t need to have any regrets or overthink this. You got to this point and there’s no going back in time. At this point, focus on what you need to do and can do moving forward to give your baby the best care.
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amother
Snapdragon
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Sun, Mar 05 2023, 11:08 pm
| amother Black wrote: | I'm so sorry Op that you ams baby had such a rough start.
It's not easy. My second child was also a traumatic birth but even more traumatic was after birth complications and a gongential condition my baby had. It was so hard. I developed severe PPD which I didnt even realize at the time. I just kept focusing on having everyone fed and dressed and the house liveable. Had very little support due to my abusive background and inlaws where were preoccupied with 2 cancer patients. One survived. One not. It was a very very difficult time.
But it all came to a head when I was finally so burnt out I started yelling at my kids to shut up amd even potched my older kid who was then a sweet kind gentle neshamala (still is). When I think back I want to smack myself instead. Hitting (my motherbused items and who bruise me black and blue) was something I grew up with and I had promised myself I won't do it to my kids. But I did potch too. Too many times. One is also too many. and I have to live with that knowledge. Bh I got myself into therapy and it's history. But it was a very very difficult time.
That child was a very very very very Colicy baby. Then she also had a ton of foods she was allergic or intolerant to. She would cry nonstop literally. Some nights dh would put her into the last room for 1/2 hour so I could get some sleep. Dh would help as much as he could hut he worked 13+ hour days plus commute and he needed to be out the door early. It was insanity. But then, she turned into a delightful toddler and I soon breathed a little easier. But as soon as she started preschool at 3 years old, and life got a bit stressful, like the bus ride was too long, or the kid colored on her paper. Or whatever she couldn't cope. She developed an impulse disorder. Severe ADHD and ODD like symptoms but basically only socially. And mostly at home.
After years of trying a million and one things and experts and the schools and therapists involved I came to the conclusion that her responses to lifes happenings and behaviours are rooted in the poor attachment she had. I wasn't physically capable of caring for her very well as a small baby and emotionally for sure not. And then with her physical conditions that was very very painful....
The more I read about attachment. And childhood trauma and early childhood trauma, it clicked in my head.
So now we are doing the path to healing, to internal healing, thru alternative therapeutic venues and bh, I am finally seeing results. The little flower is starting to bloom. I need to repair our bond and learn to attach to each other in a healthy manner. She didn't choose to be this way. She had no say in her trauma and subsequent issues.
Now that I know what I know, I keep seeing very colic babies and struggling mothers and very often I then hear about the traumatic births or other trauma in-utero or shortly after birth.
I took a long break after her. And have since has a handful of children bh. They are bh normal helathy developing children. No-one had any issues even remotely close to hers.
Your baby is struggling as much as you are. You both need to heal. You both can and will iyh heal.
Think about it.
Refua sheleima to both of you and take care of yourself. You matter, you are important. This babybhas got only you she's counting on. My fellow Jewish mother, I feel you, I love you! Take care. |
Wow this post really resonated with me. Can you please elaborate on the alternative therapeutic venues of healing? I'm open-minded and interested in hearing more. Thanx!
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amother
OP
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Sun, Mar 05 2023, 11:14 pm
| amother Bellflower wrote: | | There are healthier formulas you can try that don’t have corn syrup. I breastfed but I used Baby’s Only Formula at the same time. It has natural ingredients. Look for healthy formula options or goats milk as others have mentioned is supposed to be easier to digest. You don’t need to have any regrets or overthink this. You got to this point and there’s no going back in time. At this point, focus on what you need to do and can do moving forward to give your baby the best care. |
Hypoallergenic formula/specialty formula is based off of corn syrup instead of cows milk
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amother
OP
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Sun, Mar 05 2023, 11:14 pm
| amother Black wrote: | I'm so sorry Op that you ams baby had such a rough start.
It's not easy. My second child was also a traumatic birth but even more traumatic was after birth complications and a gongential condition my baby had. It was so hard. I developed severe PPD which I didnt even realize at the time. I just kept focusing on having everyone fed and dressed and the house liveable. Had very little support due to my abusive background and inlaws where were preoccupied with 2 cancer patients. One survived. One not. It was a very very difficult time.
But it all came to a head when I was finally so burnt out I started yelling at my kids to shut up amd even potched my older kid who was then a sweet kind gentle neshamala (still is). When I think back I want to smack myself instead. Hitting (my motherbused items and who bruise me black and blue) was something I grew up with and I had promised myself I won't do it to my kids. But I did potch too. Too many times. One is also too many. and I have to live with that knowledge. Bh I got myself into therapy and it's history. But it was a very very difficult time.
That child was a very very very very Colicy baby. Then she also had a ton of foods she was allergic or intolerant to. She would cry nonstop literally. Some nights dh would put her into the last room for 1/2 hour so I could get some sleep. Dh would help as much as he could hut he worked 13+ hour days plus commute and he needed to be out the door early. It was insanity. But then, she turned into a delightful toddler and I soon breathed a little easier. But as soon as she started preschool at 3 years old, and life got a bit stressful, like the bus ride was too long, or the kid colored on her paper. Or whatever she couldn't cope. She developed an impulse disorder. Severe ADHD and ODD like symptoms but basically only socially. And mostly at home.
After years of trying a million and one things and experts and the schools and therapists involved I came to the conclusion that her responses to lifes happenings and behaviours are rooted in the poor attachment she had. I wasn't physically capable of caring for her very well as a small baby and emotionally for sure not. And then with her physical conditions that was very very painful....
The more I read about attachment. And childhood trauma and early childhood trauma, it clicked in my head.
So now we are doing the path to healing, to internal healing, thru alternative therapeutic venues and bh, I am finally seeing results. The little flower is starting to bloom. I need to repair our bond and learn to attach to each other in a healthy manner. She didn't choose to be this way. She had no say in her trauma and subsequent issues.
Now that I know what I know, I keep seeing very colic babies and struggling mothers and very often I then hear about the traumatic births or other trauma in-utero or shortly after birth.
I took a long break after her. And have since has a handful of children bh. They are bh normal helathy developing children. No-one had any issues even remotely close to hers.
Your baby is struggling as much as you are. You both need to heal. You both can and will iyh heal.
Think about it.
Refua sheleima to both of you and take care of yourself. You matter, you are important. This babybhas got only you she's counting on. My fellow Jewish mother, I feel you, I love you! Take care. |
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amother
Snapdragon
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Sun, Mar 05 2023, 11:38 pm
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Craniosacral therapy for you and your baby can really help a lot.
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amother
Cornsilk
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Mon, Mar 06 2023, 9:54 am
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My exclusively BF babies are all horribly colicky, gassy, fussy, eating machines until about 5-6 months old. And everyone yells at me to give them formula, just one bottle, and they'll be better. Didn't work either. So OP, while I understand the feeling of wanting to nurse, DO NOT think your baby would have had an easier time.
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giftedmom
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Mon, Mar 06 2023, 11:11 am
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Op if your baby is on hypoallergenic formula chances are she would be miserable on breast milk unless you’d drive yourself crazy going off of all foods. Which I would not recommend postpartum after a traumatic birth when you need to get your strength back.
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amother
Camellia
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Mon, Mar 06 2023, 3:42 pm
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Corn syrup solids is not the same thing as high fructose corn syrup.
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amother
Daylily
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Mon, Mar 06 2023, 3:45 pm
| amother Snapdragon wrote: | | Craniosacral therapy for you and your baby can really help a lot. |
I second this
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