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Forum
-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Pesach
Who do you agree with about this situation?
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| Me |
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10% |
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| Dh |
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89% |
[ 172 ] |
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| Total Votes : 192 |
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amother
Rose
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 Thu, Mar 09 2023, 11:59 am
| HonesttoGod wrote: | What kind of fund is it? Because I voted you BUT - if it is a fund that is exclusively for poor then yeah your husband is right.
Pesach time there are many funds that are just available to help anyone and often these collection points have a ton of extras so in that case I don't see the issue. |
I have yet to find 1 organization that is open to everyone.
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amother
Lawngreen
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 11:59 am
| lamplighter wrote: | Is it food that's from grants from the govt or is it privately funded tzedaka?
If it's the former than I don't think you need to be poor per se to benefit, it isn't income eligible and it's open to anyone, than you can decide to sign up as it's not taking from anyone else. It's a grey area and it comes down to need, your husband is clearly saying that he doesn't think you need it. I think you should respect his desire to not take hand outs.
If it's from the second category than it's a very clear NO. That money is tzedaka money and it's not for you. |
It’s privately funded by our community.
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amother
Opal
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 1:44 pm
I would contact the organization and ask.
Explain your situation.
That’s what we did.
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amother
Blush
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 1:49 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | I signed up a while back for the flatbush community fund pesach assistance. We bH could afford to make pesach but extra $ would be helpful for groceries. We get a tuition break and dont splurge on vacations. However I do splurge on toys at times and dont have a budget I stick with. We both do work but don't make a lot of money. Dh is very upset. He said this fund is for the really poor. That I'm stealing tzedakah money. Thoughts?? Who is right? |
The Flatbush community fund is tzedakah based as far as I know. I give maaser to it. You can ask the organization or a rav if you qualify. Maybe you do. Usually in Brooklyn their are community based programs to help before pesach that come more from government funding than tzedakah I think. Maybe masbia and there is usually something organized from a councilman but I don't know the details maybe someone else does. You need to decide for yourselves what you are comfortable with nobody can determine that for you.
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amother
Oatmeal
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 1:53 pm
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Dh and I once discussed a similar thing before the chagim. We could have done without and did, in the end, but extra money would have made for nicer food of course. We asked our rav and told him about our financial situation. He said not to take, as it was for people in need.
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amother
Linen
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 2:27 pm
We would all love some help for pesach. But those funds are for the really poor and desperate. Ones who really have no extra money for extra toys or to get their nails done for YT. Or have had the same sheitel for 18 years of marriage.
I side with DH.
You make it work with what you have and have faith in HaShem.
We’ve seen here people not being able to get work cuz Jo gas money. Or being evicted. Or no clothing for growing child.
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amother
Slateblue
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 2:31 pm
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I voted you but after reading a few comments I realized I misread and I agree with your husband. You say you can afford to make Pesach, so then you don't qualify, I think it's as simple as that. I can't afford to make Pesach, so I will be signing up for these things in my area, and baruch Hashem for them because they really saved us last year and made it possible to have a nice Pesach. I don't take tzedakah any other time of year but am on many government programs and don't have anything extra, in fact just got told we don't have to give maaser which is unusual for my community, and the Pesach/Tishrei handouts are extremely needed and beneficial. So that's my perspective.
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amother
Winterberry
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 2:37 pm
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Our shul has a kimchi depischa program. Many people who can afford daily life still sign up since Pesach expenses arrest a separate category of their own. If you were approved I don’t think there is anything wrong with you going ahead with that help. obviously your dh feels uncomfortable, so you need to work that out with him. But I don’t think that it’s wrong idealistically if you could use the help.
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amother
Cognac
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 3:17 pm
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I would be honest with the organization, only they would know if you qualify. I'm with your dh as to why you signed up without his knowledge since you're not desperate, this should've been a joint decision (if you're desperate please don't wait for dh's permission!!). You hurt his pride.
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Amelia Bedelia
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 3:19 pm
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None of us can determine that. It depends on the specific organization. Some are open to anyone who requests help, while others are only for people who are desperate.
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amother
Lightblue
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 3:27 pm
I think family make choices. How much tuition we can afford to pay, what kind of clothes and where to buy them, and even buying toys if that's what our children need at the moment.
Nobody on here can say how much you can or cannot afford pesach because even if someone has the same income as you they don't have the same expenses.
Each family has unique needs.
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amother
DarkGreen
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 3:30 pm
I just find it ironic that the organizations that service people in kollel/chinuch don't vet the recipients, and just assume that everyone is "poor." I have family members in chinuch who are doing better financially than we are, but they get boxes of food, gift cards to clothing and shoe stores, and an envelope of money for "pesach expenses" (I know people who put that money straight into savings). I know people in kollel who don't even make pesach yet and go to their parents/in laws but get help from organizations ( and I know families where the money goes into their savings account for a house. Or to buy expensive fancy clothing that is not a necessity. Or they sell the gift cards to other people and put the cash in savings).
But then you have someone like OP, who along with her dh probably work very hard, get zero assistance from anywhere. And then comes pesach which is a sretch on everyone's finances, and everyone jumps on OP that unless they are dirt poor and practically homeless, she shouldn't take it. But no one says that to all the chinuch and kollel people many of whom are far from being dirt poor. I never in my life saw my sis on law in chinuch without her nails done, but if I were to get a manicure even once everyone would jump one me (don't worry I never do). And she brags about all the money she got and how nice it is.
Everyone fargins the chinuch and kollel people but no one can fargin the working people
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amother
Cadetblue
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 3:44 pm
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amother
Rose
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 3:48 pm
| amother Cadetblue wrote: | https://www.imamother.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=501580
This was my thread a few weeks ago.
The difference in answers are a bit disconcerting |
It's not the same situation at all.
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amother
Beige
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 3:50 pm
| amother Cadetblue wrote: | https://www.imamother.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=501580
This was my thread a few weeks ago.
The difference in answers are a bit disconcerting |
It’s not the same situation
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amother
Beige
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 3:53 pm
| amother DarkGreen wrote: | I just find it ironic that the organizations that service people in kollel/chinuch don't vet the recipients, and just assume that everyone is "poor." I have family members in chinuch who are doing better financially than we are, but they get boxes of food, gift cards to clothing and shoe stores, and an envelope of money for "pesach expenses" (I know people who put that money straight into savings). I know people in kollel who don't even make pesach yet and go to their parents/in laws but get help from organizations ( and I know families where the money goes into their savings account for a house. Or to buy expensive fancy clothing that is not a necessity. Or they sell the gift cards to other people and put the cash in savings).
But then you have someone like OP, who along with her dh probably work very hard, get zero assistance from anywhere. And then comes pesach which is a sretch on everyone's finances, and everyone jumps on OP that unless they are dirt poor and practically homeless, she shouldn't take it. But no one says that to all the chinuch and kollel people many of whom are far from being dirt poor. I never in my life saw my sis on law in chinuch without her nails done, but if I were to get a manicure even once everyone would jump one me (don't worry I never do). And she brags about all the money she got and how nice it is.
Everyone fargins the chinuch and kollel people but no one can fargin the working people |
Those orgs are specifically there for them and it’s part of their salary. The reason they are doing well is because of these orgs. They would be dirt poor without it. Not the same thing. And if you think it’s better than your salary why not go into chinuch so you can get these benefits too?
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amother
Cadetblue
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 3:54 pm
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amother
Lightgreen
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 3:56 pm
| amother DarkGreen wrote: | I just find it ironic that the organizations that service people in kollel/chinuch don't vet the recipients, and just assume that everyone is "poor." I have family members in chinuch who are doing better financially than we are, but they get boxes of food, gift cards to clothing and shoe stores, and an envelope of money for "pesach expenses" (I know people who put that money straight into savings). I know people in kollel who don't even make pesach yet and go to their parents/in laws but get help from organizations ( and I know families where the money goes into their savings account for a house. Or to buy expensive fancy clothing that is not a necessity. Or they sell the gift cards to other people and put the cash in savings).
But then you have someone like OP, who along with her dh probably work very hard, get zero assistance from anywhere. And then comes pesach which is a sretch on everyone's finances, and everyone jumps on OP that unless they are dirt poor and practically homeless, she shouldn't take it. But no one says that to all the chinuch and kollel people many of whom are far from being dirt poor. I never in my life saw my sis on law in chinuch without her nails done, but if I were to get a manicure even once everyone would jump one me (don't worry I never do). And she brags about all the money she got and how nice it is.
Everyone fargins the chinuch and kollel people but no one can fargin the working people |
It's like that with my mil who is a widow. People feel bad for her all the time because she's a widow and give her financial breaks and she accepts it even though she's rolling in money.
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amother
Nasturtium
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 3:56 pm
| amother Cadetblue wrote: | https://www.imamother.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=501580
This was my thread a few weeks ago.
The difference in answers are a bit disconcerting |
Lol, I agree.
I’ve realized that the responses always depend on the op.
In this case I truly believe that the op didn’t try to get anyone to advocate for her.
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amother
Bottlebrush
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 4:02 pm
One question was - I was offered assistance, should I take it.
The other was - should I have asked for assistance.
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