When to have party when birthday is during the Three Weeks?

BinahYeteirah

Fri, Jun 20 2008, 12:07 am

If you have a child with a birthday during the Three Weeks, when do you plan the party? It seems like a lot of people just have it on the day anyway, but I'd prefer not to do that. One of my kids has a birthday in the first week of the Three Weeks, another has a birthday a couple days before Tisha B'Av.

shalhevet

Fri, Jun 20 2008, 5:10 am

I don't think in the Three Weeks is appropriate - I agree with you. This is not just about the strict letter of the law, but the spirit of the law. If someone was invited to a party that she hadn't chosen the date, it would be different, but here you have the choice.

Why not make the party for the first child two or three days before shiva asar b'Tammuz, and the other one a couple of days after 9 b'av.

I think it also depends what you consider a party - if it's a 2 yr old and you're inviting a couple of friends to play together and have some cake, then I would do that in the 3 weeks. But once it's a formal party - with balloons, decorations, lots of food etc, I don't think it's appropriate for even a little child (because of the adults involved), and certainly not once a child is the age of chinuch.

You could also make a little celebration at home on the day - a cake without any guests, as well as the party.

Raisin

Fri, Jun 20 2008, 6:15 am

shalhevet wrote:

Umm, so what do you do when it is a bar mitzva?

I don't make huge birthday parties anyway, its about 10 kids usually, with pizza, a cake and a few games. We like to teach our kids that a birthday is a day of growth, a day to make new hachlatas, etc.
A party is a nice way to mark it. I don't necessarily have the energy to make 2 parties, one small andone big.

If you are really concerned, ask a rav.

shalhevet

Fri, Jun 20 2008, 6:48 am

Raisin wrote:

shalhevet wrote:

Umm, so what do you do when it is a bar mitzva?

A bar mitzva is a seudas mitzva (on the actual day). You can give brochos to the person, or whatever other minhagim you have for a birthday, without a party.

In Israel, with no Sundays, frum people don't really make all those birthday parties for friends I remember from my childhood in England. (People are more likely to make for family, as an excuse for a family get together, especially for a first or second birthday.)

yo'ma

Fri, Jun 20 2008, 8:32 am

Why do you have to do it on the day of the b-day?
Are you making it for fun or any special meaning? If it's for fun, so, do it a diff. day. Last year, until we finally got around to doing it, my kids b-day party was a month later embarrassed

. They were happy anyway.

BinahYeteirah

Sat, Jun 21 2008, 8:05 am

Raisin wrote:

why not? just don't have music. in lubavitch most people try and make a party on the hebrew birthday, whenever it is. (even adults)

Well, we're Lubavitch. I suppose if I make it more of a farbrengen type of affair it wouldn't be such an issue with the Three Weeks. I was actually hoping to get away with one party for both kids, since they're both girls. Hopefully they won't hate me for not making them separate parties. Smile

I'm not much a party person, really, in years past we've just had a small family get-together. My oldest is turning 6, though, and she sees that her friends have parties. I want her to be able to invite her friends, in particular those she's close with and girls whose parties she has attended. Most people do pretty low-key things, at least trying to focus on the ruchnius (making a hachalata, saying pesukim, singing nigunim, giving tzedakah), but also with a small amount of food and small craft activity or some such. I am not much of an evening person ans my kids have early bedtimes, so it wold be easier for me to have a Sunday daytime thing. Anyway, I have no clue. I always wonder how people can handle having these late birthday parties/upsherins for little kids. They start at 6:30 or 7:00 and keep going for hours sometimes. I think my kids would lose it. I think I will as a shailah.

bashinda

Sat, Jun 21 2008, 11:55 pm

My own birthday is in the three weeks and I always try to have a farbrengen.

For the reasons raisin stated I would try to have a party for my child on the actual day but it would be more of an emphasis on having him or her have a hachlata tova, that everyone should give extra tzedaka at the party and that they should say the 12 pesukim the Lubavitcher Rebbe wanted children to say.

manhattanmom

Wed, Jun 25 2008, 10:42 am

Quote:

Umm, so what do you do when it is a bar mitzva?

You are allowed to have a seudas mitzvah--without music. My cousin's Hebrew birthday is during the 9 days and he had a Bar Mitzvah on the date of his birthday--it was a Monday morning, he lained and they had a BIG sit down breakfast at like 8:00 in the morning. It was well attended and beautiful.

Had my son been born 2 days earlier than he was, we would have made a pidyon haben during the 9 Days and we would have definitely had a fleishig seudah!!