Did you receive acknowledgement for Purim Tip?

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 1:55 pm

I was one of the "married morahs" at a summer daycamp where tipping is pretty much required, the camp really pushes it. I'm not from a tipping culture, so I had no idea what the norm was, but I knew a lot of my campers parents really could not afford the suggested tips and gave it anyway. I wrote thank you cards while the kids were napping on the last day, and the other married morahs were all very upset with me for doing that. Like, it made them look bad. Well yeah it did!! My campers parents paid thousands for camp and now that have to pay even more? You BET I'm going to thank them!! I did so every summer after for a total of five years, and every summer everyone got mad at me. But the parents themselves told me in passing that the fact that I cared enough to recognize their tip was actually the reason they pushed themselves to tip me; that I cared about them and their kids and it showed.

amother

Mocha

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 1:59 pm

amother Carnation wrote:

No bc thats going in circles. I think its terrible that kallahs cant take 2 mins to write a thank you note for getting a gift or money. And I think theres no excuse for not thanking someone. its a text or email "thank you for the gift. purim sameach!"

2 minutes?
What are you talking about?
When I got married I worked do hard to keep track of the people who gave me anything. It was so stressful for someone like me who is all over the place. I ended up losing all the information. I didn't know whom I need to thank. The whole job of sending out thank you notes was so overwhelming for me. I kept pushing it off and never ended up sending any thank you noted. Hope they all forgave me for it. I'm usually a nice person. I don't consider myself rude.

Now as a teacher, people give me, and it's very challenging to keep track of who needs a thank you. Not everyone writes names. Or it by mistake got messed up. Are you all actually making a list of whom to thank?
It's a lot of work for someone who is not so organized.

amother

NeonPurple

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:00 pm

amother Maroon wrote:

No, and I didn't send any acknowledgements either (I'm a teacher). I personally find it uncomfortable to send a group thank you on a class sheet because some students' families aren't able to give, and I don't want students to feel embarrassed thinking their parents didn't do something that was expected. It's all good. You want to give, give. You can't or don't want to, don't. Purim is a hectic day and I have no expectations. I appreciate anything anyone gives me, but what I appreciate much more is the opportunity to work with your precious children, whether or not you give me gifts.

So send a short text to each parent. That's what I do. Yes, it takes a few minutes, but it's a sacrifice for them to give me money and gifts. So I can sacrifice a few minutes to send a short text. And it doesn't have to be on purim itself when you're busy.
For the life of me I cannot imagine receiving a gift from someone and not acknowledging it. I would feel so uncomfortable.

amother

Carnation

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:02 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

How long do you think a thank you note takes?
"Dear Mr and Mrs __,
Thank you for joining us in our simcha and for your generous gift. May we share in many simchas iyh
Signed,
x and y"

Not being organized its not really an excuse for lacking basic middos of thanking someone. Im a teacher and get gifts from students. As soon as they give it to me I write it down and when Im home I send a quick text. Its really not a big deal and excusing this type of behavior is not ok

amother

Almond

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:05 pm

IMHO it shows a sense of entitlement when the teachers don't acknowledge a tip. I really extend myself to send a check, it's not so difficult to send a quick thank you text, write thank you on the hw sheet, or send home a generic note. When I have the teacher again for a younger sibling, or by the next expected tipping time, it definitely affects how much I give the next time around.

amother

NeonPurple

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:06 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

Yes, I actually make a list of whom to thank. As soon as a student gives me MM I write their name and what they gave on a piece of paper. If I don't have that paper near me then I record it on my phone. Then a day or two after purim I sit down and text each parent.
It's not that complicated. I can't imagine you are THAT disoraginzied if you're a teacher. Teaching inherently requires so much organization and planning. If you can handle lesson planning you can handle sending thank you texts.

amother

Almond

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:07 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

But you can figure out how to cash the check, right?

And yes when I got married or when I have a baby I keep a simple list so I can make sure everyone is thanked properly. It's basic hakoras hatov. And I teach my children to do the same when they get gifts.

tigerwife

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:13 pm

The teachers all sent home thank you cards (generic) after Purim. The principal actually called me in person to thank me (her Mishloach Manos was not very expensive or fancy!).

I received one unexpected tip and texted the mother the next day to thank her (we’ve corresponded via text in the past).

amother

Mocha

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:17 pm

amother NeonPurple wrote:

Playgroup not that difficult.
How about if I didn't think of writing it down. How about if it takes me longer than 2 minutes to figure out what to write on the note. There are many reasons why people don't send thank you notes and most are not because they are just rude.

Over the years I figured out a method of remembering the names. I took pictures right away of what I got and then reviewed it all when I got home. But the first 2 years I didn't send notes, or I sent to the wrong people.

amother

Mocha

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:20 pm

amother Almond wrote:

Not exactly so fast either. I had tons of checks that I didn't deposit until a half a year later. I have tons of gift cards that I never used. They get lost. Or I forget about them.

amother

Carnation

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:23 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

But why wouldnt it cross your mind to write it down so you can thank them?
Are people really trying to come up with excuses as to why you cant send a thank you?
What is there to figure out about saying "thank you for the gift!" ?

amother

NeonPurple

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:25 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

I don't know what you mean by "playgroupnnot that difficult." I'm not a playgroup teacher.
If you didn't think of writing it down and keeping track- problem solved, now you know to do it.

As far as what to text- "hi mrs x, thank you so much for the beautiful mishloach manos! It was so kind and thoughtful of you. I really appreciate it!"

And yes, it is very, very rude not to say thank you for a gift. Full stop. No excuses. Gratitude and hakaras hatov is one of the best middos we should be teaching our children and modeling ourselves.

amother

Mocha

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:27 pm

amother Carnation wrote:

Are you that judgemental with all the people in your life who forget or didn't think of doing certain things?

Why it didn't Cross my mind?
There are many things that don't cross my mind. Like leaving my house at a certain time so I'm ontime for my appointment. When there are so many things that I forget, thank yous are on the bottom of my list.

amother

Carnation

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:29 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

I dont think its being judgemental to call out nonsense on this website thats seeped into frum culture. Youre blaming not sending a 2 letter text on not being organized...

This is something you should be working on then- being more organized. We should all be working on this. You cant excuse not thanking someone as normal behavior. Im not really saying anything so radical...

amother

Almond

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:31 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

It's common courtesy to thank people for gifts, especially when people extend themselves during such an expensive time of year. You can make all the excuses for yourself that you want, it doesn't change the facts that it's nice to say thank you.

agreer

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:32 pm

amother Slateblue wrote:

That is beautiful!

For the people who can't find the time, that is just rude. No excuses.

The other Morahs that didn't want you to write are horrible. Fine, they don't want to show appreciation, but to stop you from doing the right thing? Disgusting.

amother

Mocha

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:33 pm

amother NeonPurple wrote:

Over the years I figured our a system of how to remember. I take pictures of what I get and then review them at home. But the first 2 years I didn't thank or thanked the wrong people.
And thanks for the wording. You weren't there to give it to me when I needed it.
If something takes you 2 minutes it's possible that for another person it's challenging. Many times I would rather not get the gift than going through the thank you process. It can be anxiety provoking for many people.

amother

NeonPurple

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:35 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

Gosh, each one of your posts is making my jaw drop further.
How does it NOT cross your mind to say thank you when someone gives you a gift?! Thank yous should definitely NOT be on the bottom of your list.
And if you're as disorganized and forgetful as you claim, how do you manage as a teacher?

amother

Almond

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:37 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

Seriously, it's not that difficult to say/write "Thank you for the gift. I really appreciate it". Parents don't want or expect more than that. But I do want some acknowledgement when I write a nice check that I worked hard for.

amother

Mocha

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:38 pm

amother Carnation wrote:

If you wouldn't be judgemental you would think, oh the teacher didn't say thank you, I know she is a nice person. She treats my child with extra amount of patience all the time. She shows my child that she loves her/him. It can't be she is just being rude. Maybe there is something else blocking her from something that seems like an easy 2 minute task for me other than the fact that she is rude ?