Giving Towels as a Birthday/Personal Gift?

watergirl

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 2:43 pm

kenz wrote:

She sounds a little nutty. Don’t try to make sense of other people’s mishegasim, and try not to take offense if you can. Maybe you can give her a can of deodorant for her birthday.😆

How about the time she gave everyone chanukah gifts, and mine was a frozen roast, raw, and the card said it was for me to cook for shabbos chanukah for them, as they were coming for the meal.... that's the kind of thing she gives.

But I see the towel for a bday gift here suggested all the time so I was wondering why people do that.

watergirl

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 2:43 pm

amother Steel wrote:

As girls we would gift each other personalized towels
It's the comment about embarrassing her that I'm not sure about
Real mil dil situation Confused

Does she come onto imamother?

BH nope. She isn't frum.

amother

Steel

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 2:45 pm

That's the best when we can vent here easily 😂
My mil doesn't know how to turn on a computer

I don't know why we gave towels, we thought it's a nice useful gift
She sounds quite blunt and trying to be practical,!?

kenz

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 2:53 pm

watergirl wrote:

Lol to the roast. Hope it at least was a treat for you. I wouldn’t want a towel as a birthday gift either, but it’s a nice housewarming gift. Worst case, it can be regifted, no?

amother

Lotus

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 4:22 pm

Your mil isn't giving the house a gift, she's giving you a gift of something she believes you would appreciate having. A gift doesn't have to be something for you to adorn or apply to your body, where did you get that idea? I'm still using the souvenir tourist-trap kitchen towels my sil brought me back from her trip to Spain 30 years ago, and very happy I am to be doing so. And I once gave my BFF a set of towels because when I was there for Shabbos I noticed that her towels were showing their age. (Of course I didn't tell her that!) She was very appreciative and hasn't stopped talking about what a great gift it was

When people give me practical things, for me the biggest favor is that they did the legwork and saved me the bother of going to a store or trawling the Net. That means more to me than the item itself. But, then, I'm a pragmatic individual. I appreciate someone replacing the kettle I destroyed by letting it boil dry more than I appreciate a fragrance gift set or a piece of jewelry.

amother

Amber

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 4:27 pm

I have given up understanding certain people and how their minds work. Especially when the “gift” comes along with a backhanded compliment or a direct insult.
My mil gave my kid lip cream and said to him tell your mommy I’m giving you this and she should put it on your lips. To some people this might sound like she’s a caring grandmother.
The way she says it it’s more like I’m sorry your mommy can’t take care of you.

mommyhood

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 4:36 pm

The towels referenced in the other thread aren’t typical kitchen or bath towels. They’re sold in gift stores and to me are along the same lines as if someone gives me any other pretty household item. I’ve given them as hostess gifts and they’re well received. Is it my first choice for a personal gift, probably not, but I wouldn’t be insulted.

zaq

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 4:37 pm

Frankly, at this stage of my life I don't want "personal" gifts like jewelry, which I hardly wear anymore, or perfume, which I don't wear at all, or perfumed lotions, most of which I dislike. I'd be thrilled to get towels, especially if they were of better quality than the shmattahs I buy. However, I would definitely not appreciate being told when and where to use them. That's quite peculiar. The truth is I try to display, use or wear gifts when the gift-giver is present, even if I intend to give the objects to Goodwill the following week, but I would resent being told "wear this when we come for Pesach." That would make me want to davka not do so even if I loved the gift. Nobody likes to be bossed around, be the bossing ever so subtle.

CatLady

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 4:50 pm

I'm not in the kind of crowd where we give towels as gifts. I'd rather get a certificate to Towels R Us and pick my own, TYVM. (Assuming such a place exists - I go to Winners for my towel needs)

I'd rather give an Amazon gift card for a birthday present. The recipient can buy towels, if they so choose.

watergirl

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 5:01 pm

amother Electricblue wrote:

Her gifts seem to show that she sees and appreciates you in the role of a hostess. Does she connect with you in any other way?

There is obviously a history here (almost 20 years worth) which is why I have the feeling I do. But this thread really wasn't meant to be about our dynamic.

keym

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 5:10 pm

A few years ago when I made a bar mitzvah, a family member gave me a set of 6 or 8 white hand towels embroidered in silver lkovod Shabbos. That felt like a gift. As opposed to last week, I bought myself 20 red and white checked dish towels because my old ones are turning quite raggedy.
In general, household items can be considered gifts if their presented nice.
Lace tablecloth vs vinyl utilitarian tablecloth. I might give a nice crystal pitcher as a gift (even if it's from amazing savings) but not a plastic pitcher.

When I read here people recommending to give towels as a gift, I assume they mean nice lkovod Shabbos towels or elegant guest bathroom hand towels. Similar to how I might gift 12 cloth napkins but not a package of paper napkins.