Am I being cheap/unreasonable?

DrMom

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 1:16 am

amother Forsythia wrote:

I feel like I live in an alternate reality, where everyone goes to the Jewish stores and spends $100-$125 per outfit. Not necessarily from peer pressure but from liking the clothing that they sell…and it’s considered regular not high end like Bon point!

I can't imagine spending this much on a child's outfit. I, like the OP, would rather save my money for other things. But we all have our own priorities. You do you.

SuperWify

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 2:24 am

There’s a middle golden path too…

I buy a mix of H&M and Jewish stores but I don’t spend $60 on a sweater. You can buy a Shabbos outfit for a child in the $60 range or less. La di da and many other brands have awesome sale sections.

I spent about $400 on 10 weekday outfits, 4 shabbos and 2 pairs of shoes.

amother

DarkKhaki

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 2:46 am

Its everyone to their own priorities.

In all income brackets the disparity exists.

Some people spend on cars, others on clothing, some on lessons, others on education, some on vacation, others on food, some on cleaning help, then they skimp on other things.

Each and every priority type will look at their own priority class if questioned at and "but of course, you cannot skimp there, it is ....nevermind, you really don't get it why it is non negotiable ".

It's the way of the world.

Reality

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 6:13 am

What I found unusual is that you are willing to spend a lot of money on yourself but only want to spend barebones on your kids. That's a tendency I'd watch out for.

So while I agree that spending $50 on a toddler sweater is a lot of money to spend, I think that's a selfish tendency coming from a Mom who spends $500 on a designer sweater on herself.

amother

Dodgerblue

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 6:42 am

Reality wrote:

Maybe not, though. Toddler clothes last for a season. Adult clothes last forever

amother

Dodgerblue

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 6:43 am

amother Forsythia wrote:

I live in the same reality. But there are people here from all over, not everyone does

Reality

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 7:34 am

amother Dodgerblue wrote:

Maybe not, though. Toddler clothes last for a season. Adult clothes last forever

True, which is why I cautioned she should watch the tendency. Nobody needs a designer sweater even if it will last for 10 years. There are less expensive, still high quality sweaters that will also last 10 years.

I've met a lot of people over the years. Most Mom's who are willing to spend on themselves, spend lavishly on their kids. It's much more common for Mom's to have a hard time spending on themselves yet no problem spending on their kids.

Extreme case: I knew a woman who dressed in only the best clothes, only name brand makeup and perfume etc. Yet she constantly complained how expensive diapers for her baby was. She bought the cheapest, most paper-like diapers for her baby because it was such a waste of money. Really now? I'm sure she bought the most expensive underwear for herself. There's just something a little off about a Mom who happily spends on herself but can't fargin for her child.

amother

Dodgerblue

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 7:52 am

Reality wrote:

I hear you!
She was complaining about $50 toddler sweaters though, not $20 ones

Also, you don’t necessarily buy designer clothing because it’ll last 10 years. I find with designer clothing, either you get it or you don’t. Some people will easily want to spend $800 on Chanel flats and others won’t understand why if you could get more durable ones at Sam Edelman for $100
Its not about the quality because while designer items are made with top quality materials, they are NOT durable. You treat them delicately

But overall I agree with you. I actually buy my kids much fancier designer things than myself. Every one of their outfits are brand name, and while I have a few designer outfits and shoes, most of my clothes are from frum stores, Zara’s, or shein lol

SuperWify

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 7:59 am

Reality wrote:

Your examples are extreme.

My (young) kids are always dressed nicely (if I can say so myself) but their clothes are much cheaper than mine. I would never buy them designer unless I get a really good deal because they couldn’t care less about their things and ruin destroy or at the very least outgrow them very quickly. They also are bh growing and need a lot more than me each season so it makes sense to be more economical. With an exception to shoes and maybe coats, they don’t own anything worth more then $70 max max (average much less).

I have few designer pieces but I have them for a while and make it worth my money. I invest in a few quality dresses/shoes each season that cost a lot but I get a lot of use out of them.

I think this is what op means.

Last edited by SuperWify on Tue, Mar 28 2023, 2:24 pm; edited 1 time in total

Reality

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 8:16 am

SuperWify wrote:

Your examples are extreme.

My (young) kids are always dressed nicely (if I can say so myself) but their clothes are much cheaper than mine. I would never buy them designer unless I get a really good deal because they couldn’t care less about their things and ruin destroy or at the very least outgrow them very quickly. They also are bh growing and need a lot more than me each season so it makes sense to be more economical. With an expansion to shoes and maybe coats, they don’t own anything worth more then $70 max max (average much less).

I have few designer pieces but I have them for a while and make it worth my money. I invest in a few quality dresses/shoes each season that cost a lot but I get a lot of use out of them.

I think this is what op means.

I specifically said the woman that I knew was an extreme case.

From the OP, I didn't get the sense that she buys a few, classic expensive pieces for herself to wear for eternity. I thought it sounds like she enjoys fashion for herself at a discount.

All I'm saying is that most Mom's are willing to spend, comparatively, either equal or more on their kids than themselves.

amother

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 8:53 am

Reality wrote:

Thankfully, you are pretty far from the truth. Like I said in another post, I wear my clothing for a long time. I also spend comparative prices to the Jewish clothing stores. I wrote about my shopping habits to illustrate how I am a savvy shopper who likes quality pieces of clothing. Also, I don’t think it’s reasonable to compare the wardrobe of a grown woman to that of a toddler. My one year old is mostly on the floor. He grows out of his clothing within a few months. That’s why I find it ludicrous to spend hundreds of dollars on his wardrobe. Still, I want him to look cute and put together. I just can’t justify the price tag that can come along with that, even in “lower end” Jewish boutiques. It seems like there is a mixed consensus on this, which is understandable. I personally think it would be irresponsible of me to spend these prices on my child right now.

amother

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 8:54 am

SuperWify wrote:

Your examples are extreme.

My (young) kids are always dressed nicely (if I can say so myself) but their clothes are much cheaper than mine. I would never buy them designer unless I get a really good deal because they couldn’t care less about their things and ruin destroy or at the very least outgrow them very quickly. They also are bh growing and need a lot more than me each season so it makes sense to be more economical. With an expansion to shoes and maybe coats, they don’t own anything worth more then $70 max max (average much less).

I have few designer pieces but I have them for a while and make it worth my money. I invest in a few quality dresses/shoes each season that cost a lot but I get a lot of use out of them.

I think this is what op means.

Yes, this sounds more on target.

Reality

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 8:58 am

amother OP wrote:

Great! I'm so happy to be wrong! I must have missed your other posts on the thread!

You sound very normal to me. Why are you second guessing yourself? So buy one or two lower end boutique outfits for Yom Tov if you want to. Or skip it and find cute, cheaper clothes. People spend money on their babies clothes because it makes them happy. If it doesn't give you joy, what's the question?

No point in obsessing on other people's spending habits. That never brought anyone joy and happiness in their life either.

amother

DarkYellow

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 9:26 am

amother Forsythia wrote:

Bonpoint has 200-350$ dresses that are not tznius enough for my kids that’s why I buy the 125$ outfits. I have passed down to my nieces and nephews got great use out of the clothing I got in frum stores. It’s funny I see the mummymoon 330$ dresses and I assume that’s for the ppl with higher incomes but since most of you say you don’t buy those then who does? Certainly not me I can’t afford it.

BatZion

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 9:57 am

OP, there's never going to be a consensus on this kind of question here because women here come from so many different communities and with such different economic outlooks due to the way they were raised, their priorities in life, and how much social pressure affects/doesn't affect them.
You do what is right for you, your family, and your circumstances.
Signed,
A mother who buys second-hand for everyone (for me, my husband buys for himself second-hand, and we buy for our kids) because we're just not interested in paying good money for clothes. There are other things we'd rather invest in. Having said that, we make up what is missing and buy the basics (underwear) in good-quality places. Second-hand= 3 NIS per piece of clothing- only ever lightly worn. Also, if we get to the point when it bothers a child (they're still young, and it's the "done thing" in our Yishuv), we will, without a doubt, buy new for them- I'm not looking to make my children suffer, just to save when and how we can.

amother

Papaya

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 2:20 pm

SuperWify wrote:

can you break that down?

SuperWify

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 2:31 pm

amother Papaya wrote:

can you break that down?

Sure. For my older one:
Shabbos-
2 sweaters from last years summer sale at $20 each (org prob over $50)
Sale shorts black $10, cream $15, taupe $15
One set (sweater and shirts) $65 last year sale was org over $135
Little legs top $30

Weekday-
6 new tops/sets between $6-$30 a lot of Ali express, 1 new season local shop, others sale sections
Pants still fit from last season. All from H&M.

Amazon Shabbos loafers $30

Sneakers H&M $15

Natives still fit

Shabbos PJS:
sale section la di da $20
One new season set $30
Ali express set $25

Basics I buy online it’s much cheaper then the frum stores

A little over $300

My younger one needed more weekday so it was I’d say more like $500

SuperWify

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 2:43 pm

Here are some sale sections I’ve had luck with:

Obviously there are no returns, but if you know brands you will know how they generally run.

https://www.toetallysale.com/ Had nice Shabbos shorts, tons of baby weekday outfits

https://www.ladida.com/collections/sale There’s tons here

https://eleella.com/collections/girl-sale They will help you with sizing if you message

https://tottini.com/collections/boys-closeout So much and so cheap

https://alispecials.com/ Everything I got with their label was excellent quality. Much better than shein. They also help with sizing.

amother

Celeste

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 5:11 pm

SuperWify wrote:

Thank you!!!
Never heard about toetallysale.com
just ordered my baby a gorgeous romper for $12 and an adorable stretchie for $10!!
hate to say it but it looks just as cute as what they're selling in the stores this season (I got him a romper from this season that is the same exact style but it was more than quadruple the price!!)
and the brands are great!! can't compare ali quality to these brands...(though I ordered Ali also..)