Dreading hosting my parents for pesach :(

amother

Ghostwhite

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 8:43 pm

amother OP wrote:

You pretty much described my parents.
Except mine can’t cook or clean so if I don’t invite them they will be stuck in a house full of chometz.
Oh and everyone will wonder what kind of terrible daughter they have who doesn’t invite them.

Hugs I'm in this situation as well

amother

Orange

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 10:39 pm

Just want to say I'm sorry. I'm in a similar situation and it's really really hard. And my husband doesn't support hosting. It's a huge mitzvah and IMYH someone else in your family will step up for future yomim tovim.

ruchelbuckle

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 9:54 pm

I want to give you a big hug! Would you be comfortable sharing (either in this thread or via PM) some more specifics about the situation? I am an expert in self help books Smile

and I would love to give you some recommendations that you can read and prepare yourself ahead of time.

P.S.-- maybe you can come to my house next year?

edited to add: there are a lot of books on amazon that you can read to help prepare you mentally for challengind critical people. Can you buy them (or get them from your library) and read them before or over y"t?

Impossible to Please: How to Deal with Perfectionist Coworkers, Controlling Spouses, and Other Incredibly Critical People

Dealing with People You Can’t Stand, Revised and Expanded Third Edition: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst

Managing Narcissists, Blamers, Dramatics and More...: Research-Driven Scripts For Managing Difficult Personalities At Work (Leadership IQ Fast Reads)

People Can't Drive You Crazy If You Don't Give Them the Keys

amother

Geranium

Sat, Apr 08 2023, 5:00 pm

I hope the first days of chag were ok.
In all honesty and seriousness and I hope this never happens to me, but if I am turn into the person you are describing I would rather my kids say to me this is too hard for us and get someone to kasher my home and send me food than be a burden. Then do an outing with me on chol hamoed so I could hear the grandkids sing ma nishtana.

amother

Pansy

Sat, Apr 08 2023, 10:17 pm

really hard and painful situation!
I have two very difficult and critical teens who make the atmosphere SO UNPLEASANT and difficult, for me, my DH and my younger kids...(being physical and insulting and critical towards sibs, horribly disrespectful to me etc etc)
I made up a game where I pretend in my mind that an organization asked us to take in two teens who need a lot of help from a shelter and we opened our home to them over YT!
my DH was snapping until we started this....now I keep telling him things like, "Wow, this organization is going to be so grateful to us for doing this! can you believe we took in these two teens for the whole YT?"
It also helps me deal with them calmly when they use bad language or act disrespectfully....
I just remind them like I would remind teen guests staying in my home...
if they are physical, I kindly remind them that in our home we don't allow being physical and ask them to take a break..
can you pretend in your mind you took in two guests from from organization? and that they are not related to you at all?

amother

Cadetblue

Sat, Apr 08 2023, 10:59 pm

amother Pansy wrote:

This is such a novel idea. Love it.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Sat, Jul 22 2023, 11:16 pm

amother Wine wrote:

I think I’m on here as long as you, probably close to 2 decades and I’m so sorry to hear this because I ‘know’ you as such a kind, thought out, amazing mother. Please take this genuine hug from me.
[This is a new poster, not HashemYaazor that you're thinking of. - mod]

Moderator, thank you, It took a while for me to respond. I realize that those kind words didn't belong to me, and it triggered my Mothers critical voice inside of me, I know you meant well and didnt want people confusing me with someone else, who is so amazing. Please know that when I chose a name, it came from my heart, and not in any intention to confuse or try to be anyone else.