Adjusting chumros over the years...

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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Pesach

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amother

Fri, Apr 14 2023, 10:15 am

Has anyone else modulated how their pesach minhagim/stringencies over the years? What was the "sweet spot" for you?

I'm BT. I always kept many chabad minhagim for pesach. No gebrokts, peeling things, minimal processed foods (but more than many other folks), no garlic/spices, etc.

But over the years, partly because kids and living OOT and not having family to go to (so I do all of pesach myself), dh and I got more relaxed.

A few years ago, I started using garlic---neither dh nor I are Russian--at all....

I use canned tuna in water, mayo (mainly for the tuna), sugar, honey, chips, premade cakes, and I get a can of olives and package of full sour pickles.

And, I found the best balance of things for me and my family. It feels like pesach and yom tov, and trust me, I still do plenty of work and make plenty from scratch, but it's just not chicken and potatoes everyday. (only every other day lol) I've found the level that is worth it for dh and me (tbh dh just doesn't care as long as it's not chametz).

(Neither dh nor I have a mesorah, the other chabad families in my town are so hardcore (when you compare to the variety in CH) and don't eat out anyways, so I don't care if it doesn't match their chumros perfectly.)

amother

Floralwhite

Fri, Apr 14 2023, 10:28 am

Certainly if you became religious through Chabad, whose Pesach minhagim are different from the mainstream, you should have plenty of room to adjust.

amother

Fri, Apr 14 2023, 10:30 am

amother Floralwhite wrote:

Certainly if you became religious through Chabad, whose Pesach minhagim are different from the mainstream, you should have plenty of room to adjust.

I'm not looking for permission or to feel better about myself. just fyi.

I'm looking to discuss with others who may have adjusted their stringencies to find a happy medium and how that worked for them.

amother

Grape

Fri, Apr 14 2023, 10:32 am

We don’t keep any chumros. We just keep mainstream askenazi customs and I’m happy where we are.

essie14

Fri, Apr 14 2023, 10:33 am

I was single for many years and spent many chagim away from my family. I did hatarat nedarim and gave up gebroks when I started spending Pesach with extended family who ate gebroks.
My family didn't really have any other crazy minhagim. My parents eat anything that says KFP as long as it's not gebroks.

amother

Powderblue

Fri, Apr 14 2023, 10:38 am

We grew up with seltzer and kedem raspberry syrup. As we got older we slowly bought other products. Now my husband and I basically buy anything with a good hechsher. And we eat machine shmura.

chocolate moose

Fri, Apr 14 2023, 4:53 pm

we started using garlic after learning that it's not everyone's minhag inlubavitch to avoid it. we really enjoy having it back!

amother

Sand

Fri, Apr 14 2023, 5:42 pm

DH took on using the most minimal of processed items, basically oil, sugar, potato starch, cocoa, butter and farmer cheese (of all things!) I tell him honey and yogurt and almond flour are no more processed than their counterparts.

After years of adhering to his mishugas while my diet became more and more limited, I told him I am doing what works for me & he graciously did not make a fuss about the keilim etc.

So I just about survive Pesach... and if I don't bake him what he can eat (cause I'm too busy trying to come up with things that I can tolerate...), well there's always fruit!

Though my girls did make sure to send over a little of the things they baked with ingredients he will eat.

amother

Ultramarine

Fri, Apr 14 2023, 5:47 pm

Chassidish. We definitely adjusted over the years but only whatever makes my life easier.
I feel that if I have too many ingredients, cooking will be more overwhelming for me because there are so many things I can potentially make.
So I stick with my basic cooking but added more spices, ready ground almonds, ready coatings for cutlets, an occasional sauce here and there, brown sugar, baking powder etc...
I'm not hell bent against anything (as long as it's not kitniyos or gebrokts). If I feel it'll enhance my prep I buy it.

Edited to add: my parents and almost all my siblings would not eat by me because they all keep the super strict restrictions we grew up with. It's ok. I can live with that. If I send them goodies they either eat it before Pesach or save it for Achron shel Pesach.

amother

Hawthorn

Fri, Apr 14 2023, 5:53 pm

Yes, we’ve relaxed some over the years too. Still peel all fruit and vegetables and no gebroks. No spices. But I’ve stopped making my own tomato sauce and also buy lemon juice. I self clean my oven( used to use separate Pesach oven and burners). I think when our children brought spouses into the family, we became more inclusive. And we eat whatever they serve (except gebroks) when we go to them. Such is life. We mellow especially for the sake of family.

amother

Lemonchiffon

Fri, Apr 14 2023, 5:54 pm

I adjusted buying ready ground fish and meat instead of slabs and grinding it myself.

amother

Electricblue

Fri, Apr 14 2023, 6:07 pm

We started selling out chametz which was a game changer for me (I used to stress out a lot about finishing it all before Pesach and the bal tashchis involved if we didn’t…)

amother

Burgundy

Fri, Apr 14 2023, 6:10 pm

I use whatever my in-laws AND parents use, combining both. One set of parents hardly uses any vegetables but does use coffee and bought ground nuts. Another set of parents uses all vegetables that can be peeled but uses only nuts bought in a shell (cracked and ground at home). So we use it all. The only thing I adjusted that neither of them do is I buy ready checked lettuce for marror and salads. Both parents buy a head and wash and check on their own. For me, I figure if bought checked lettuce is good enough for all year, it's good enough to rely on it for Pesach too.

amother

Amaranthus

Fri, Apr 14 2023, 6:46 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yes. Not a BT, but still modulated a lot. It is supposed to be a YT, not a high stress strung out time period. So without going into too much detail, I settled on a balance where I don't overwhelm myself, there's enough good food to go around to satisfy family, while still preserving the essence of the YT.

To me, celebrating the YT in itself is the goal and not just focusing on the chumrohs.

amother

Puce

Fri, Apr 14 2023, 6:54 pm

We follow basic halachah. I never have any fascinating or shocking extras to entertain people with. If it ain't broke don't fix it is our motto.

Iymnok

Sat, Apr 15 2023, 2:39 pm

My parents are BT and DH is. We eat gebroks, we are ashkenazi, so we don’t eat kitniyos. There are stringencies with no halachic background, or that background no longer exists. Most people don’t realize that in general. DH is very makpid all year round that minhagim or hanhagos should have a source. Kabbalistic is fine.

amother

Floralwhite

Sat, Apr 15 2023, 2:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

Ouch. I wasn't being condescending. Just understanding why you might have more reason than others to make changes.

Busybee5

Sat, Apr 15 2023, 5:24 pm

My sister adjusted what her in laws used to do. They were too strict so they found a happy medium, which is still pretty strict compared with what I'm allowed.
I grew up the same as my dh pesach wise bh.

amother

Pansy

Sat, Apr 15 2023, 9:19 pm

My parents and in laws are very stringent and use so little ingredients. In-laws prepare sugelar-water before pesach, no using actual sugar. My parents use shmaltz instead of oil and make their own juices, fish...
I started off doing some of their chumros but it was too much for us (think shmaltz vs oil/juicing or making cakes vs buying ready made). We cut many chumros, to have a more relaxed Yom tov.
We used to not Mish, but circumstances happened that we decided it doesn't work for us. When I was the hospital on Yom tov, and when we went away over one year pesach, I ate everything.

amother

Stonewash

Sat, Apr 15 2023, 10:18 pm

Jpf with European grandparents- growing up we never misht. No one ate out by anyone - today with the pesach programs , the ready made foods and kiddeishim seems like everyone around us (us included ) have given up on no mishing.

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