Support for moms - without sounding like a bad mom?

amother

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 10:38 pm

is there a space for emotional support for difficult kids? my kids are so little and are giving me such a hard time.

I struggle with posting on facebook groups (even though I am in various ones, for each kid's issues) because of privacy. about once a month I speak with a medical practitioner so that's kind of like a therapy session. I don't need parenting advice but I have actually consulted with a play therapist who was so dismissive and not listening to me, and one kid started seeing a child therapist who is really a waste of time.

my husband is very involved but he has less emotional capacity than me so I have to bear a double burden - dealing with his frustration and dumping on me, and dealing with the kids. sometime we can tag team and support each other but most of the time I'm bearing his emotional load.

tonight after hours of bedtime I snapped at my poor little child and said "maybe I just want a chlid who's not [crazy] and who will be normal."

one time I posted here about having insane kids and a super unhelpful poster was like "omg you're horrible for saying that" even though it's TRUE and also my FEELINGS ARE TRUE.

where can I share those sentiments without being judged or shamed for it? do I just need to get myself a regular therapist? I feel so invalidated and alone most of the time.

things that will not solve my problems so don't suggest them:
birth control
anything parenting related, I don't need another book or course
pandas - I know all about it

amother

Strawberry

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 10:44 pm

Yes, I think therapy is the place for thoughts that sound bad about your kids.

I regret having kids a lot of the time. It’s so hard and I’m not a strong person - my childhood trauma wrecked me and I had kids right after that because I was dumb.

I can’t say that to most people in my life - it kills my husband to hear it and my friends judge me harshly for it with the exception of one friend who actually relates. I was more open about it when I had ppd and people had such invalidating reactions. I’m not in therapy because I can’t afford to be but that would be a safe place to express these things as long as your therapist is a good one. Or if you have a friend with very challenging kids that seems burnt out, you can try venting to her. She may relate.

amother

Linen

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 11:16 pm

I get it. I have great kids but I have a very hard time. They are much higher energy and more persistent than most kids that I see. For example, I see that people can shop at a grocery store with 1,2 or even three kids sitting normally in a shopping cart. My kids first will fight about going in the cart, then stand up and sometimes succeed at jumping out, scream, touch everything in the store, run around, throw items, ask me to buy things, etc. And I try every trick in the book (I’ve also read them all and done the courses) but whatever I try doesn’t get the results. That’s just one example. My husband isn’t much help at all either, actually makes it worse sometimes. If I get 30 minutes to myself just to breathe, I am extremely grateful. Every night, I just feel like I want to collapse. And I also feel kind of alone in this like no one understands or cares. For obvious reasons, I don’t have any time in my day for therapy. I don’t even have the time to find a therapist. I am trying my best to enjoy this stage and this process in hope that it will be worthwhile, I daven for my children that they turn out well and tell myself that it is a short period in life when my children are still young and I will get through it. So no advice really, just know that you’re not alone.