Would you keep a high school girl home to babysit?

amother

Bellflower

Mon, Apr 24 2023, 4:48 pm

When I was in 12th grade my mother worked on Mondays, guess who was her babysitter.

I do a playgroup and had a baby right before Purim, it is almost impossible to get subs in my town. My plan was if I could not get a sub was have one girl stay home Wednesday the other Friday,(which is a joke of a day for an 8th grader it runs from 10:00-11:00), and figure something out the rest of the week.

I don't care if you think I am terrible, sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

amother

DarkMagenta

Mon, Apr 24 2023, 4:54 pm

I would never (and before you ask, I have a teenage girl!) Being late one day, ok. Missing time every day, or multiple days in a month that aren't because of illness or doctor visits--absolutely not.

I went to public school. Missing that many days would get the truancy officer sent to your home. And being late every day for 2 months? that would get CPS sent to you. We shouldn't have lower standards. I have one child in PS for special needs and one year I forgot to send in the letter for him to miss school on YT. I got a stern letter warning that if he missed any more days without being properly excused I would be sent in front of a judge.

amother

Midnight

Mon, Apr 24 2023, 5:35 pm

amother DarkMagenta wrote:

I worked in a public school and I remember a parent actually having to go to court bec of their child's truancy. The judge reprimanded the parent and said he'd be jailed if the truancy for his daughter continued. Technically it is the law. At least, under the age of 16.

giftedmom

Mon, Apr 24 2023, 5:57 pm

amother Midnight wrote:

What if a teen refuses to go to school? Can they really jail a parent for that?

amother

Midnight

Mon, Apr 24 2023, 6:02 pm

giftedmom wrote:

What if a teen refuses to go to school? Can they really jail a parent for that?

If it is truly due to teen refusal, social services would be involved. Probably home and hospital teacher would be provided if there was an emotional issue diagnosis. Or they'd be placed in some sort of special program. (I had a couple of students over the years who were in residential homes for a time period, they just got bused in to their school for the school day.)
But keeping a child home as a helper over a certain amount of absences--yes, the parent could be jailed.

Hashem_Yaazor

Mon, Apr 24 2023, 6:59 pm

I have 4 teens and haven't asked them to take off to help (2 aren't in town though 😜 )
I'm very into my kids being in school and we don't take off unless we're sick or need to travel for a simcha (I'm assuming OP's daughter took off 2 days because the wedding wasn't local, she said relatives live hours away).

If she's going for high school boy interview now, it means that it kind of is urgent. Most boys' high schools have already accepted bochurim and chances are this boy is still looking for a good fit. It's possible the father is in the picture but they both need to go to the interview, I don't know.

I don't like the idea of the girl staying home. BUT if the girl really isn't liking school, it's past the point where one day will make a difference academically, and she feels more productive/successful helping her family.... If this is a conscious and mature decision the girl herself is making, that's her prerogative and she will have to deal with the fall out. I don't think the mother should ask, but if the girl offers and understands all the ramifications, at this stage of life she can learn to deal with the aftermath on her own.

Last edited by Hashem_Yaazor on Mon, Apr 24 2023, 7:51 pm; edited 1 time in total

giftedmom

Mon, Apr 24 2023, 7:02 pm

amother Midnight wrote:

What if they just didn’t get along with the teacher or something like that? I’ve had it happen with my kids, wondering how it would’ve played out.

amother

Midnight

Mon, Apr 24 2023, 7:22 pm

giftedmom wrote:

What if they just didn’t get along with the teacher or something like that? I’ve had it happen with my kids, wondering how it would’ve played out.

It's just not an option. There would be disciplinary consequences, plus they'd fail the class, possibly have to attend summer school, and not be able to get a diploma until they made the class up.
Of course, if they wait it out till they are 16, that is the legal age a teen is allowed to drop out. And anyway, these days, there are a lot of online school options available. So they could be registered and attend classes virtually instead.

DustyDiamonds

Mon, Apr 24 2023, 9:14 pm

Wow! Some of you are so rigid about school attendance!

I recently arranged for one of my daughters to take a day off school for her birthday!

And when we have a Simcha a few hours away, and get home at 3am, I let whoever wants to skip school the next day, do so. This happens around 3-6 times a year.

amother

Mon, Apr 24 2023, 9:51 pm

Oh my, I never thought this would become the hottest topic on imamother. I was just checking to see if maybe a few more people answered since this morning and I find 6 pages!

I've read pages one and two so far. I'll try to answer the questions people asked there before reading the rest.

-My dh is coming with me to the interview. They want to meet the parents with the boy.

-I can't schedule it a different time. Their policy is to have the boys join their classes for the full day so they can see how he acts in class.

-I did get dd a ride to school after 9 so BH she won't be missing too much.

-I have never had a kid miss school to help me before this year AFAIR, except maybe when I had a baby. I had a baby this year and each of my hs girls took off one day. Then my nursing baby was hospitalized on the same day dh started a new job, so dd took off one day again.

-She missed two days for the wedding because we had to travel there.

-My parents and in-laws have jobs and are not able to just take off and travel to us whenever we need a babysitter. Besides, my mother is not able to come into my house because it has steps and she has trouble walking up them.

-I do not feel comfortable asking anyone to watch my kids so early in the morning. I do not know anyone who is hanging around at that time and would be okay with having a bunch of kids to deal with.

-I can't have them sleep over at a friend because my 3 year old is super attached and wakes up multiple times each night. She and her babysitter would both be traumatized if I tried arranging that.

amother

Violet

Mon, Apr 24 2023, 10:05 pm

amother OP wrote:

IMO, a school interview is just as important as an emergency medical situation, as far as keeping a teen home to babysit.

amother

Mon, Apr 24 2023, 10:20 pm

mfb wrote:

Please just let your daughter stay home if needed!! Don’t worry about all the comments here. I also wonder what a poll would look like here

Thank you! You made me feel better that I am not a terrible person because dd will miss davening in school and maybe one class so that my family can have a workable plan when dh and I are not able to be home.

Yes, she has missed a few days recently. But this is not the norm. She has never missed school to help me before my baby was born this year. I believe my other dd missed a day or 2 when my 3 year old was born. It's not like this is a regular occurrence. The only reason for my hesitation was that this year, between the 2 hospitalizations (when I gave birth and when the baby was hospitalized) and the wedding, it's been more than I am totally comfortable with her missing, and especially in a fairly short time period. But it's still the best (or only) solution I can come up with, I don't think it's as tragic as people make it seem.

Hashem_Yaazor

Mon, Apr 24 2023, 10:44 pm

amother OP wrote:

Wishing you much hatzlacha!!