Teen questioning G-d

PinkFridge

Tue, May 02 2023, 8:34 am

#BestBubby wrote:

You can probably borrow rabbi miller's book from a Jewish library.

Here's one big problem with Rabbi Miller's books:
He's not here any longer for any kind of dialogue.
His books would be excellent at the right stage for someone who's going on a certain trajectory. But this isn't where OP's son is.

amother

Strawberry

Tue, May 02 2023, 8:43 am

PinkFridge wrote:

OP, what kind of social framework does your son have? Does he have friends? Does he have outlets?

+1000
A loner who feels out of place in the system, even if he is a top learner, is far more likely to feel unfulfilled and that his path to fulfillment lies elsewhere. The logical imperative then follows.

amother

Tue, May 02 2023, 10:04 am

amother Strawberry wrote:

He has a small group of friends that he is very close with. Amazing boys with great middos, strong in their own yiddeshkeit, as far as I can tell.

amother

Denim

Tue, May 02 2023, 10:45 am

I have to wonder about someone who thinks he's thought of questions no one else thought of before. I mean for thousands of years there were huge torah scholars, righteous men, and they didn't doubt. There were those who were also doctors, astronomers, mathematicians, and they believed too. Along comes a person of today who is neither an expert in Torah or science, and doesn't believe because he can't find the answers he's looking for. I mean, putting myself on a scale with the Rambam on the other side, I defer to the Rambam before I even get up on the scale.

I'm talking generally about anyone with questions, not specifically OPs son.

What I tell my kids, questions are great. We encourage questions. Here is a notebook, I want you to write down all your questions and we'll work on solving them one by one.
But in the meantime, we absolutely do not stop keeping Torah and mitzvos while we work to answer the questions. Because human as we are, sometimes we understand better as we grow, some things need a more mature understanding, and sometimes we need the right person to answer us.

How many times did I hear an answer to a question but then when rabbi x said it, oooohhh now it makes sense. I finally get it. But I've heard that before... but it wasn't said exactly in the words I needed to hear.

If we don't understand Torah or Hashem, then the answer is to learn more of it not to stop altogether.

PinkFridge

Tue, May 02 2023, 11:32 am

amother Strawberry wrote:

Doesn’t sound like the above at all then…

It sounds like he's not dropping out but wants to be productive and going forward, and this is the way: to keep these friends. That's a good sign. Maybe he can be persuaded to hold these thoughts but stay in this framework.

PinkFridge

Tue, May 02 2023, 11:32 am

amother Denim wrote:

How many times did I hear an answer to a question but then when rabbi x said it, oooohhh now it makes sense. I finally get it. But I've heard that before... but it wasn't said exactly in the words I needed to hear.

If we don't understand Torah or Hashem, then the answer is to learn more of it not to stop altogether.

As bright as a teenager might be, s/he needs the humility to accept that there's still more to learn.

amother

Dimgray

Tue, May 02 2023, 11:34 am

Would you be open to letting your son read secular philosophy and anthropology?

Lots of this literature is helpful for viewing religion and belief through a critical lens, while still valuing the utility and cultural importance of belief. Many are especially good at grappling with holding seemingly contradictory views that in fact make cultural sense.

Anthropology of religion especially helped me intellectually grasp the importance of emotional engagement and belief, but different frameworks/fields work better for different people.

(I'll add that I'm getting a PhD in a science field and am also obviously a frum woman)

I can un-anon if you want to message me

mybrownie

Tue, May 02 2023, 12:08 pm

I just want to add that the book ‘tell me the truth’ by Rabbi Chaim Veshnefsky is FABULOUS and it addresses many tough hashkafic questions. I am not one to sit and read heavy books, but this book is so easy to read and has been written so well. It was given to me as a gift and it was one of the most useful books I have ever been given. I recommend it for teenagers and adults as well.I am sure your son will benefit.