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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Guests
Cheiny
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 Sun, May 07 2023, 2:45 pm
| amother OP wrote: | This is in the guest section for a reason. Before I start, I want to be clear, this post is not talking about Israel or other communities where it's typical and expected to serve challah, dips, and cholent and nothing else for shabbos lunch.
If your typical shabbos lunch seuda is the above, no fish, nothing other than challah, some dips (not salads), and a cholent, and you do this because that is what your family loves, that's great! Do what works for you and your family!
If that's your typical and you are having guests, PLEASE consider adding to the menu. I and many other people don't or cant fill up on challah and dips. There are so many reasons a person would only have the minimum amount of challah, some health related, some preference. And not everyone likes cholent.
I see here and on FB all the time, hosts asking for menu advice and people suggest "lots of challah and dips".
Can I tell you how awkward it is to have just a small amount of challah because otherwise I'm too full to eat anything else, and then the next course is a small pot of cholent? I can't go back and eat more challah because it's been cleared from the table. And a helping of cholent is not enough, so I go home and find something pareve to eat.
As a mother, I always have something for my family to eat at home, because when we are invited out, we go for the company and not for the food. So if the meal is not our taste, it's totally fine because we have food at home.
But not everyone does what I do. It's really just about being the kind of host who thinks ahead and is contentious of the fact that challah and dips is not a course everyone will eat, and tries to have options for their guests.
So I guess this is a PSA. Please, if you are hosting, consider serving a few other things aside from the dips and cholent. Maybe a green salad, maybe grilled chicken or deli, maybe rice? |
I can’t relate to serving that type of menu at all. When I host, I make sure to have a variety of choices for each course (yes, fish! Many people hold you have to eat fish on Shabbos), and plenty of each choice. I always opt for having too much rather than not enough.
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Cheiny
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Sun, May 07 2023, 2:47 pm
| amother Dandelion wrote: | | Whatever happened to "when you're a guest, you eat what you're served and you leave your pickiness at home?". Don't like cholent? Eat it anyway. It won't kill you to eat something you don't like. If your medical condition imposes dietary restrictions, it's your responsibility to let your host know, not your host's responsibility to gaze into a crystal ball and divine it. Nor is it the host's responsibility to provide a broad array of foods in the hopes of hitting upon something that suits your picky taste. |
For someone who doesn’t eat cholent for whatever reason, to not have any other option whatsoever, that is not being picky!
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Ema of 5
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Sun, May 07 2023, 2:51 pm
| Bnei Berak 10 wrote: | | Not the end of the world but far from pleasant. I would prefer not to be reinvited to them. |
Hostess and guest communicating in advance can solve that. If the hostess and guest communicate before, there is no ambiguity as to what will be served, and the guest will (hopefully) want to come back. If there is no communication, then as you said people might not want or accept another invitation. The hostess won’t understand why, and there will be hurt feelings.
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amother
Blueberry
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Sun, May 07 2023, 2:51 pm
I think this is the typical standard shabbos more options is more comfortable but not necessary
night:
Challah
Fish/Dips/salads
Chicken soup
2 Mains Chicken/meat
2-4 Sides
2 Dessert
Day:
Challah
Fish /Dips/salads
2 Mains Chicken/meat
2-4 Sides
2 Dessert
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amother
Canary
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Sun, May 07 2023, 2:55 pm
Soup is part of the meal.
As I mentioned, people take some cholent a few hours after the meal. Usually in the winter when you don’t go to sleep soon after the meal and you’re singing, shmoozing, learning for a while after the meal. You’re bound to get hungry again. Very typical in my circles. Especially men and bochurim. Although I agree with you that women can like it just as much.
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amother
Mauve
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Sun, May 07 2023, 2:56 pm
| Ema of 5 wrote: | | What if someone can’t have gluten or nitrates? Dips are really not enough for a meal. |
If someone has dietary restrictions, they should notify the hosts in advance.
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Ema of 5
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Sun, May 07 2023, 3:17 pm
No. Those who have cholent Friday night usually have it after the meal has been cleaned up and put away. It’s like….for oneg shabbos.
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amother
OP
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Sun, May 07 2023, 3:21 pm
| amother Mauve wrote: | | If someone has dietary restrictions, they should notify the hosts in advance. |
I agree with you, but 'm not even talking about dietary restrictions in this thread, I'm talking in general. Should I, as a guest, tell every host "I can eat challah and dips, but I try not to eat more than a half a slice of challah because it makes me feel bloated, kthanks"? Obviously not!
My job as a guest is to come, be there because I like the hosts, and enjoy the company. I can eat when I get home or before I go.
This post is to try to help hosts who are comfortable serving challah, dips (ie chumus, babaginush, olive/onion/jalapeno mayo dip, NOT salads/salatim) and then cholent (a small pot for a large table of people) and literally nothing else - this is honestly just as socially off as me telling a host in advance that I can eat challah but I prefer not to have more than a slice.
IMO, hosts should realize on their own that even though many people LOVE to eat a ton of challah, no one should have to rely on the challah and the one scoop of cholent in order to be full when they are a guest.
But if you INSIST on serving the above, PLEASE let your guests know in advance, or at least when you serve the challah, tell everyone to eat up because after this, it's cholent and then bentching.
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Ema of 5
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Sun, May 07 2023, 3:23 pm
| amother Mauve wrote: | | If someone has dietary restrictions, they should notify the hosts in advance. |
Of course they should! And I’ve said that already. But the hostess needs to communicate as well. If you are hosting and plan to serve exactly one thing, you need to let your guests know.
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amother
Blueberry
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Sun, May 07 2023, 3:24 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I agree with you, but 'm not even talking about dietary restrictions in this thread, I'm talking in general. Should I, as a guest, tell every host "I can eat challah and dips, but I try not to eat more than a half a slice of challah because it makes me feel bloated, kthanks"? Obviously not!
My job as a guest is to come, be there because I like the hosts, and enjoy the company. I can eat when I get home or before I go.
This post is to try to help hosts who are comfortable serving challah, dips (ie chumus, babaginush, olive/onion/jalapeno mayo dip, NOT salads/salatim) and then cholent (a small pot for a large table of people) and literally nothing else - this is honestly just as socially off as me telling a host in advance that I can eat challah but I prefer not to have more than a slice.
IMO, hosts should realize on their own that even though many people LOVE to eat a ton of challah, no one should have to rely on the challah and the one scoop of cholent in order to be full when they are a guest.
But if you INSIST on serving the above, PLEASE let your guests know in advance, or at least when you serve the challah, tell everyone to eat up because after this, it's cholent and then bentching. |
Never experienced something like this.
Everyone serves a few courses with plenty lots of extras.
Seems it depends on what's expected in your circles and but def just very awkward 😬 ...
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amother
Bluebonnet
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Sun, May 07 2023, 3:27 pm
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People don’t serve salad or any kind of veggies? That is so weird. I’ve never experienced anything like that BH. Why would I want to eat mostly challah and dips?
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amother
Obsidian
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Sun, May 07 2023, 3:31 pm
| amother OP wrote: | This is in the guest section for a reason. Before I start, I want to be clear, this post is not talking about Israel or other communities where it's typical and expected to serve challah, dips, and cholent and nothing else for shabbos lunch.
If your typical shabbos lunch seuda is the above, no fish, nothing other than challah, some dips (not salads), and a cholent, and you do this because that is what your family loves, that's great! Do what works for you and your family!
If that's your typical and you are having guests, PLEASE consider adding to the menu. I and many other people don't or cant fill up on challah and dips. There are so many reasons a person would only have the minimum amount of challah, some health related, some preference. And not everyone likes cholent.
I see here and on FB all the time, hosts asking for menu advice and people suggest "lots of challah and dips".
Can I tell you how awkward it is to have just a small amount of challah because otherwise I'm too full to eat anything else, and then the next course is a small pot of cholent? I can't go back and eat more challah because it's been cleared from the table. And a helping of cholent is not enough, so I go home and find something pareve to eat.
As a mother, I always have something for my family to eat at home, because when we are invited out, we go for the company and not for the food. So if the meal is not our taste, it's totally fine because we have food at home.
But not everyone does what I do. It's really just about being the kind of host who thinks ahead and is contentious of the fact that challah and dips is not a course everyone will eat, and tries to have options for their guests.
So I guess this is a PSA. Please, if you are hosting, consider serving a few other things aside from the dips and cholent. Maybe a green salad, maybe grilled chicken or deli, maybe rice? |
If you're a picky eater, what about eating at home? Going to friends is for socializing...go in the afternoon for some tea and cake. Why make everything complicated?
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LovesHashem
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Sun, May 07 2023, 3:34 pm
| amother Obsidian wrote: | | If you're a picky eater, what about eating at home? Going to friends is for socializing...go in the afternoon for some tea and cake. Why make everything complicated? |
Making rice or roasted potatoes and boiling Brocolli or some baby carrots really isn't that hard.
Why is not liking cholent considered to be such a picky eater?
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amother
Amber
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Sun, May 07 2023, 3:38 pm
| amother Jean wrote: | Generally light food, vegetable based not meat or protein heavy.
If you know what I'm talking about, you know.... |
Wow that's pretty misogynistic, & I almost never use that word. So we delicate little ladies should eat light salads because meat & cholent are too heavy for our little stomachs & we need to stay a size 2? Are eating disorders common in your community?
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rachelli66
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Sun, May 07 2023, 3:40 pm
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For DH and myself we wash, and sometimes go straight to Chulent, and slaw. (we have a Kiddush in shul, cake, herring drinks.) I would never serve this to guests for Shabbos lunch. I would serve challah ,chummos, eggplant salad, eggs and onions, vegetable salad. Then Chulent and slaw, pickles. plus cake dessert. When our married children come I also add other types of Deli.
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amother
Amber
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Sun, May 07 2023, 3:41 pm
| LovesHashem wrote: | Making rice or roasted potatoes and boiling Brocolli or some baby carrots really isn't that hard.
Why is not liking cholent considered to be such a picky eater? |
It's probably community dependent. In my community/family cholent is the standard shabbos lunch fare, if you are invited & expect a different menu then you're fooling yourself.
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NechaMom
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Sun, May 07 2023, 3:43 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I agree with you, but 'm not even talking about dietary restrictions in this thread, I'm talking in general. Should I, as a guest, tell every host "I can eat challah and dips, but I try not to eat more than a half a slice of challah because it makes me feel bloated, kthanks"? Obviously not!
My job as a guest is to come, be there because I like the hosts, and enjoy the company. I can eat when I get home or before I go.
This post is to try to help hosts who are comfortable serving challah, dips (ie chumus, babaginush, olive/onion/jalapeno mayo dip, NOT salads/salatim) and then cholent (a small pot for a large table of people) and literally nothing else - this is honestly just as socially off as me telling a host in advance that I can eat challah but I prefer not to have more than a slice.
IMO, hosts should realize on their own that even though many people LOVE to eat a ton of challah, no one should have to rely on the challah and the one scoop of cholent in order to be full when they are a guest.
But if you INSIST on serving the above, PLEASE let your guests know in advance, or at least when you serve the challah, tell everyone to eat up because after this, it's cholent and then bentching. |
I would honestly not go to them for a meal again. Seems like they can’t afford basic food or are exceptionally stingy.
I don’t know your relationship with these people and how often you will have to go, if at all.
How about inviting them, or decline the next invite and say you’ll rather come visit in the late afternoon?
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LovesHashem
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Sun, May 07 2023, 3:46 pm
| amother Amber wrote: | | It's probably community dependent. In my community/family cholent is the standard shabbos lunch fare, if you are invited & expect a different menu then you're fooling yourself. |
Curious, what type of community do you live in? I've only encountered this twice in my life at an actual shabbos table.
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amother
Amber
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Sun, May 07 2023, 3:50 pm
| amother Blueberry wrote: | I think this is the typical standard shabbos more options is more comfortable but not necessary
night:
Challah
Fish/Dips/salads
Chicken soup
2 Mains Chicken/meat
2-4 Sides
2 Dessert
Day:
Challah
Fish /Dips/salads
2 Mains Chicken/meat
2-4 Sides
2 Dessert |
Why not 1 main, 1-2 Sides & 1 desert? As long as the quantities are sufficient I really don't get it.
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amother
Caramel
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Sun, May 07 2023, 3:51 pm
| amother Plum wrote: | | This. A thousand times. I always ask guests if there's anything they can't or don't eat. You are not sparing me trouble by not telling.me about your food restrictions. You are causing me embarrassment and sadness by putting me in the position of not having food for a guest. I don't want you to leave hungry. |
This. When I invite people (all the time) I always ask if there are any foods to davka serve or davka not serve. It’s called being polite. And when I’m a guest, if I didn’t tell them anything, it’s not my fault.
It sounds to me like OP is a person who expects everything and gives nothing. Maybe OP should be more open when people invite her.
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