S/o PSA if you are having guests who have a baby under 6 mon

amother

Stone

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:16 pm

amother OP wrote:

A bedroom is fine. There's generally a shabbos light or something there and it's not freezing cold.

Next time say it's too cold is there another room I can use. Speak up.

amother

Mint

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:17 pm

Op I'm sorry you had a bad experience. You will learn some tips along the way, like when it's worth to go or rather stay home. To dress in a way that you can nurse easily without being uncovered so even if you prefer privacy you can still keep the door open for light.

I'm assuming your baby is very new since you nursed twice for 40 min. during 1 meal. It does get easier.

The reality is you will not always have the perfect accommodations & you'll learn to be ok with it. Not thrilled, but not traumatizing.

amother

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:17 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Why do your need company when you nurse?

I don't generally. But it was scary being in a pitch black cold empty quiet room for 40 minutes alone with my own thoughts and nothing to look at or read. I have anxiety and being alone in a small, dark, cold space, in an uncomfortable nursing position for 40 minutes was nerve wracking. I almost had a panic attack. I came home crying.

amother

Mint

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:19 pm

amother Stone wrote:

This is beyond sorry. I always bring what I need. It is not on your host to provide for your baby. Baby gear is expensive you can't expect them to have anything.

Both sides need to confirm with each other what will be available.

amother

Trillium

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:19 pm

amother Stone wrote:

This is beyond sorry. I always bring what I need. It is not on your host to provide for your baby. Baby gear is expensive you can't expect them to have anything.

Although I would check arrangements with my hosts, and offer to bring my packnplay or use the stroller's bassinet (rated for overnight sleeping). It would be nice though if inlaws/parents would have borrowed or would buy a packnplay for when we would come to visit. And realistically if I was coming to stay often, I would probably buy a cheap packnplay and leave it by inlaws/parents if they didn't have. It's so useful to have one for guests.

amother

Stone

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

So why didn't you ask your husband to sit with you? Why is it on your host to have nevuah that you have panic attacks? This is on you. You know yourself tell your hosts your needs before, and in this case once it's after either ask for another room or have your husband stay with you. None of this is something you can put on the host to figure out and plan for you. You need to be realistic and make proper arrangements for your very specific needs.

amother

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:20 pm

amother Mint wrote:

Everyone keeps saying you can nurse without being uncovered. I don't think that works with size G breasts and a large stomach. My baby is actually 3 months old but he still nurses every two hours for 40 minutes.

amother

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:23 pm

amother Stone wrote:

Do most people handle being alone in a dark room with no phone or nothing to do for 40 minutes as just a mildly uncomfortable experience?

I've been lots of places, I'm not sure why it's so hard to offer any bedroom in the house that has a shabbos light and isn't freezing cold in the basement for a woman to nurse.

Everywhere else I've been I've been gladly offered a proper room with lighting and warmth to nurse.

I don't expect anyone to sit with me, even my husband - but it was just on top of being in a cold pitch black room also being alone was just too much.

amother

DarkViolet

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:24 pm

All these Psa’s lately Scratching Head

You guys need to learn to use your words and speak up. Hi host, this room is too dark and cold for me to nurse in, do you possibly have any other area where I can nurse?

There. Not that hard. Random, super specific psa’s aren’t helpful to anyone.

amother

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:25 pm

amother Stone wrote:

Next time say it's too cold is there another room I can use. Speak up.

I did. She said well I'm not sure where else you expect me to put you. I was too embarrassed to suggest a bedroom or something. I don't really know her so well. Our husbands are friends.

amother

Sapphire

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:25 pm

amother OP wrote:

OP, a 3 months old nursing for 40 minutes every 2 hours, is abnormal. Please take him to the pediatrician for a check up and make sure to mention this.
You also may want to seek help for your anxiety.
Good luck!

amother

DarkViolet

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:26 pm

amother OP wrote:

I did. She said well I'm not sure where else you expect me to put you. I was too embarrassed to suggest a bedroom or something. I don't really know her so well. Our husbands are friends.

So now you know never to go back. And yes, using the word traumatic over this is a bit over the top.

amother

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:27 pm

amother Sapphire wrote:

OP, a 3 months old nursing for 40 minutes every 2 hours, is abnormal. Please take him to the pediatrician for a check up and make sure to mention this.

I did. Was told it's what he needs and all babies are different.

amother

Stone

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:28 pm

amother OP wrote:

What are you doing with the light in a strange house? Counting the flowers on the linen? It's really a lot to expect without making advance arrangements. When hosting a meal the host preps the room you are eating in for guests, you can't expect anyone to feel comfortable using other rooms without advance notice.

amother

Sapphire

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:29 pm

amother OP wrote:

I did. Was told it's what he needs and all babies are different.

A doctor told you that this is what he needs? That's just odd. If it takes a 3 month old 40 minutes to feed, then there's most likely something more going on. Low muscle tone, tongue tie....

amother

Taupe

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:29 pm

amother OP wrote:

Realistically, this sounds like a dream to me. The cold, I wouldn't be thrilled with. But the rest I would love and see as an opportunity. Meanwhile, I feel like an interloper in people's bedrooms, so everyone is different.

When I have a nursing baby, I bring along a bottle of water and a packet of formula powder wherever I go. At a meal like this, I would use it for the first feed to keep me around, and then if I needed a second, I would go nurse.

Eta- when I had a baby who wouldn't take a bottle, we didn't go out for meals as much.

amother

Fern

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:29 pm

amother OP wrote:

Nursing on Shabbos by yourself can be annoying when it takes a long time, but for most it's just that, an annoyance. It's not really normal that an adult would be on the verge of a panic attack from this.

imaima

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:32 pm

amother OP wrote:

The baby was with you though…
Ok this is extraordinary. You are a mom now. Time to stop being scared of monsters

amother

DarkPurple

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:33 pm

amother Fern wrote:

Psa- if you are traveling with a baby, it's your job to make sure you have what you need. Ask if you need to bring a pack n play, or if they have one. Don't blame others for not asking you what you plan on packing.

I disagree. Grandparents must have beds for all kids and grandkids.
If you don't have room, don't invite them.
I didn't ask for a wig head, I asked for a bed for a baby! Not a blanket not a diaper. Just somewhere to put a 4 week old to sleep for 1 night.

I'm not asking a stranger to host me for a simchas.
I'm asking for my child's grandparents to care enough. That's all.