Male coworkers, do you use first names?

ittsamother

Fri, May 12 2023, 8:17 am

Calling a male coworker Mr. has nothing to do with whether they are older or younger than you, it's just a matter of what your office culture is, and if they choose to keep that level of formality and distance. I worked in a school and in a large office in Boro Park, and in both of those all the women called the men Mr. So and So and the men called the women Mrs. When I worked in a very informal marketing company, then they all called each other by name.
So I think that if you don't call any of the other men by their first name, you should do the same with this coworker. Don't single him out one way or another.

(As a side note, how he signs his signature would be irrelevant to me. Every rav or rebbetzin who ever called us or wrote us an email never introduced themselves or signed off as "Rebbetzin Katz" or "Rabbi Klein"- they always just said "Hi, this is Chaya Katz" etc- and we knew good and well that we're still supposed to only call them by their title. When I email my male coworkers I write Mr. Goldberg and sign it with my first name, and he responds to Mrs. Ittsamother and signs it with his first name.)

shabbatiscoming

Fri, May 12 2023, 8:47 am

amother Brunette wrote:

I'd rather be stiff and awkward with male co-workers, than friendly. I've seen way too many friendly relationships that have become too friendly.
I also don't text male co workers ever.

And for every coworker becoming too friendly there are so many more co workers that are fine being friendly and that is that.
Being friendly does not automatically mean bad things will happen. So many frum people work in the big bad world and are just fine.

shabbatiscoming

Fri, May 12 2023, 8:49 am

amother Violet wrote:

I’m pretty surprised by how many people call men by first names. I worked in a office in boro park and a few places in Lakewood. No one ever called anyone by first names.

In non charedi work places people call each other by their first names. End of story. It would be weird to do anything else.

amother

Vanilla

Fri, May 12 2023, 8:50 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

In non charedi work places people call each other by their first names. End of story. It would be weird to do anything else.

Op is asking about chareidi circles. And you quoted someone who worked in Lakewood and BP so it’s chareidi too.

amother

Coral

Fri, May 12 2023, 4:54 pm

In my nonJewish workplace, a new manager tried to impose use of titles across the board. He was practically laughed out of office. Coworkers had been first-naming each other for decades before this man appeared on the job and nothing he would say was going to change that. As far as I know nobody ever had an affair with a coworker though I know of two marriages that came about between coworkers. It's pretty hard to hide it if you're carrying on with someone in the same office, whether you call each other Mr. and Ms. or not.

amother

Starflower

Sat, May 13 2023, 10:53 pm

I had learned that it's halacha to use Mr. at work so that's what I did at my first job. It was a very friendly office and I don't think calling someone Mr. changed anything. I since learned that it's not actually halacha so I no longer do so. At my current job we use first names and I don't think it's any different. As I've said before, in Pride and Prejudice, Lydia is very excited to run away with her "darling Mr. Wickham".

amother

Sand

Sat, May 13 2023, 11:16 pm

We work in a heimish chasidush office and we don’t call the opposite genders by first names. I actually think it’s not tzinius to use first names. Not sure what the actual Halacha is.