S/o watching children

amother

Thu, May 18 2023, 9:47 am

I find that some people confuse watching children with standing over them like a hawk.

I have 2 toddlers that are just about 2 years old (twins.) at the park I often sit on a bench and allow them to do their own thing while looking out for them. I allow them to climb up the playground equipment without me being right behind them because I think that's good for them. Have they fallen on occasion? Yes. But mostly children are aware how to be careful and use judgment for something new. When they need help, I'm there to help them. But I don't pick them and put them on the equipment I rather let them figure it out on their own and when they are ready they figure it out.

Some people might judge me for this. That's ok. I'm just sharing there are different parenting philosophies out there and it doesn't mean something is neglectful if you don't do it.

Genius

Thu, May 18 2023, 9:50 am

I agree. The good news is that you’re sitting there.
I happen to think that it’s easier to watch like a hawk than to sit on your hands and let them learn by making their own mistakes. So good for you.

amother

Thu, May 18 2023, 9:55 am

amother Winterberry wrote:

What happens when your kid seriously falls and injured themselves and you’re too far to catch them? Not sure CPS would agree with you.

The playground has a rubber floor so I don't think a severe injury like that would happen.

amother

Dahlia

Thu, May 18 2023, 9:57 am

amother Winterberry wrote:

What happens when your kid seriously falls and injured themselves and you’re too far to catch them? Not sure CPS would agree with you.

Non sense. Accidents happen even when kids are being supervised. Supervision does NOT mean that we have to stand on top of our kids and not give them space to play and explore. Watching the kids from afar is supervision. It's healthy for the kids. Most parents I see at the park don't stand over their kids.

amother

Tuberose

Thu, May 18 2023, 9:58 am

amother Winterberry wrote:

What happens when your kid seriously falls and injured themselves and you’re too far to catch them? Not sure CPS would agree with you.

I don't think CPS believes that you need to be within arms reach of your children at all times and any injury is 100% caused by neglect.

When my ds was 2, he broke his foot jumping off the couch in a room full of adults that were all paying attention. No medical professional batted an eye.

Ima_Shelli

Thu, May 18 2023, 10:00 am

It depends. My first kid would have jumped/ fallen right off the tallest equipment as a toddler (he tried, beleive me) and so I needed to follow him like a hawk.

My other kids were fine on their own and I could sit and watch from a distance as you describe.

So those “helicopter moms” might actually have a particularly active kid who is unaware of danger. You never know. I’m happy for you that yours have figured out how to do this safely!

BrisketBoss

Thu, May 18 2023, 10:02 am

I agree with you.

I also avoid putting kids on equipment. Better for their safety and confidence to let them stick to what they can get to on their own. And the day always comes when they can do it on their own, and it's very joyful! They are also less likely to need to be 'rescued.' When a kid does ask for help coming down, I go over and try to provide the minimum amount of support that they need.

Another thing parents don't always consider is that parents on play structures can be intimidating for other people's children. So I minimize that too especially in a crowd.

Stars

Thu, May 18 2023, 10:05 am

Omg yes please watch your kids but please don’t helicopter over them and please let them be kids! They’ll fall sometimes. It’s ok. Cps will not take your children because you sat on a park bench while keeping an eye on them. For Pete’s sake.

amother

Thu, May 18 2023, 10:10 am

BrisketBoss wrote:

I knew you would Smile

That's an interesting point about it being intimidating when parents are on the structures.

Ema of 5

Thu, May 18 2023, 10:12 am

amother OP wrote:

The playground has a rubber floor so I don't think a severe injury like that would happen.

While I agree with you 100% and do the same with my kids, just be aware that broken bones and serious gashes and other serious injuries are still possible even on the rubber flooring.

amother

Thu, May 18 2023, 10:13 am

Ima_Shelli wrote:

I hear you. I'm not judging the parents who do help their children and stand behind them. It's all good. I just think some people have a misconception that it's neglectful to not stand behind them, so I'm sharing that I consciously do this because I think it's good for them.

I have had a parent that has seen my kid climbing up a structure ask: "you sure he knows how to get down?" And actually, that was one of the first times that kid climbed that specific structure so I did go help him and be there, but I could see that other mom was anxious like why aren't you there...

amother

Fuchsia

Thu, May 18 2023, 10:16 am

In fact my one yr old slipped off park steps when I was RIGHT there and I missed catching her. She blanked out and we called Hatzalah.
She was ok BH, And Hatzlah said most outdoor injuries CPS will not involve themselves.
Had she fallen off a chair in my house they would've very likley yes gotten involved.

Why its this way? I Assume if people are harming their kids or abusing it will usually happen indoors vs. in a public outdoor place.

amother

Dahlia

Thu, May 18 2023, 10:22 am

gr82no wrote:

I agree with you op.
But some kids need their mother to follow them and encourage them to play otherwise they do nothing

There's nothing wrong with kids sitting and observing and doing nothing till they warm up and do something. Certain kids need to take in their surroundings and observe for a while before going to play. That's ok. Let them do their own thing.

BrisketBoss

Thu, May 18 2023, 10:30 am

amother Dahlia wrote:

Agreed. 'slow to warm up' is an inborn temperament thing and I would never try to 'get' a kid to play. I have even seen observation described as a form of play for small children.

Free play is really what I'm after when I go to the park and I don't think suggesting activities to my child would count as that.

Last edited by BrisketBoss on Thu, May 18 2023, 10:38 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Cantaloupe

Thu, May 18 2023, 10:35 am

Healthy kids get hurt! Bruises are a sign of a healthy child b"h. (Except for extreme situations obviously.) There's negligence and then there's letting your child explore the world. You won't always be there to prevent every little scratch and scrape, that's how they learn about their surroundings!

Chayalle

Thu, May 18 2023, 10:44 am

I think it's fine to sit on a bench and watch them.
What I've seen is, people sitting on bench shmoozing or busy with phones...I saw a toddler leave playground area without parent noticing.
You do need to "track" them - spot them, see where they are and what they are doing.

amother

Moccasin

Thu, May 18 2023, 10:46 am

amother Cantaloupe wrote:

My pediatrician once explained to me that there are bruises that are typical for an age and bruises that aren't. Example was black and blue marks along the lower leg of a 7 year old child- consistent with soccer, whereas that amount of bruising on a 2 year old would be questionable.

Also broken bones and stitches. There's typical for that age and child's activity level and there's not. Also when the injury is consistent with the description.

When they ask questions at drs and hospitals, it's usually just to make sure.

For example the typical basketball injury would involve broken and twisted fingers, a broken upper arm would lead to questions.

chick567

Thu, May 18 2023, 11:02 am

Why are you all so scared of cps?
If you know you are not neglectful then be confident in your parenting.

Quote:

Hatzlah said most outdoor injuries CPS will not involve themselves.
Had she fallen off a chair in my house they would've very likley yes gotten involved.

What?? Have you never had toddlers climb on things and fall off? Why would cps be expected to get involved?

Quote:

When my son was a very active toddler and came to his well visit at the pediatrician, the dr commented that the lines of bruises up and down his legs indicated he was very active and normal.