S/o messy house - should I not have any guests?

amother

Nasturtium

Sun, May 21 2023, 5:08 pm

amother OP wrote:

In the house I lived in before this one the washing machine and dryer were in the kitchen. Of course I had a hamper there. I don't see the issue, I wasn't putting dirty clothes in the food. And a kitchen that is dirty doesn't mean that the pots or dishes that the food is being cooked in and served on are dirty.

But I see that some people have standards I never will be able to reach, I wish there was a way to know before inviting someone because I don't think or at least hope not everyone is on such a high standard.

I used to think that people come for the company and if I'm not embarrassed they won't be bothered but from comments in other places and me getting more self conscious as I get older I am thinking that is not true for everyone.

When I go out, of course I'm going for the company. I have plenty of good food at home. That being said, part of being a good and gracious guest is being able to eat what you are served. Which is much more difficult to do if the hygiene is substandard.
I mean if you invited guests over and you all had a grand old time together but they obviously didn't eat much of the food, you would be upset as well, wouldn't you?

Highstrung

Sun, May 21 2023, 5:09 pm

amother OP wrote:

I don’t think it’s your job as the hostess to live up to the expectations of the guests. If guests don’t like your cleanliness , they shouldn’t accept an invitation from you again in the future. Guests should know going into it that their hosts may not have the same level of hygiene and cleanliness as they do. If they still want to go , it’s on them.
My houses cleanliness can have its ups and downs. I’ve never once stopped myself from inviting people. There is only one person who declines my invites .If it’s because my cleanliness standards don’t live up to hers , I’ll never know.

zaq

Sun, May 21 2023, 5:24 pm

OP, what is your real concern and your real question? From the way you describe it, your house isn't all that messy or dirty but more run-down and cluttered. Are you embarrassed to have people see your place, or are you newly afraid because you read a whole bunch of critical posts on imamother? If the latter, I wouldn't worry about it. If you had guests before, did they seem reluctant to accept a second invitation? That could be a sign that you need to do something. If you've hosted people and they accepted more than once, you're doing fine.

OTOH, if you've never invited guests because you're embarrassed to have them see your place, the solution is to fix it up to the best of your ability. Camouflage what you can't fix. A little creativity, paint, permanent marker and fabric here and there can cover up a multitude of sins.
Here's a for-instance: Your sofa is missing one leg in the front. A thick book works to hold it up. If you paint the book the same color as the sofa, it will be less glaring. If you have two similar books, or bricks, or blocks of wood, you could remove the leg on the other side and prop up both sides of the sofa with matching substitutes. If your sofa cushions are torn and stained, and you can't afford slipcovers, a king- or queen-sized flat sheet can be spread across the entire sofa and tucked in around the cushions to hide everything.

Cheiny

Sun, May 21 2023, 11:07 pm

amother OP wrote:

Just because your washer-dryer are in the kitchen doesn’t mean the smelly hamper has to be… why can’t you keep it in a bathroom and just bring the dirty clothes into the kitchen when it’s time to do laundry?

amother

Sun, May 21 2023, 11:16 pm

Cheiny wrote:

I don't find my laundry hamper to be unusually smelly. When I'm not pregnant I don't smell it at all, I only find the clothes smelly if I pick them up and sniff them. If something is very smelly (someone wet the bed) it doesn't spend a long time waiting to be washed and it's not sitting in the kitchen for days.

The reason why it needs to be there is because my brain tends to forget about things it doesn't see so if my laundry is in another room I will not remember to wash it. If it is right next to the washer I might have a flash of inspiration and actually put in the load.

I know that you are one of the people I should not invite Smile

even though my laundry is now in a different room but I wish other people like you would just say so upfront when they are originally invited so I can let them know that my house will not be a good fit for them.

The idea of seeing if people come back is good, but I know some friends will but maybe they are also just messy people so my house is not shocking. Many of the people I invite are strangers like people in town for an event or appointment so the fact they don't come back doesn't mean anything.

It's a good idea to ask a friend but I can't imagine putting a friend on the spot like that, I'd hate if someone did it to me.

amother

Begonia

Mon, May 22 2023, 2:26 pm

When I lived in a tiny apartment, my toy shelf was right next to the dining room table. I am not neat and worked full time. There was always toys under the table. I was too embarrassed to have company. I did once in a while, but spent hours cleaning before.

Now I live in a house. You won't find sticky surfaces, dirty laundry on the couch, or dirty dishes all over the house. But you may find a clean shirt that never made it upstairs (for a few days), crafts, toys and books around. You may find cobwebs high up that I can't reach and can't be bothered to climb and clean. You may find a dusty book shelves.

I'm not embarrassed to host, but do try to straighten up a little before- if I can. I have a good friend/neighbor who is a neat freak. The toy gets put away the second her kids are done. She doesn't let them play in dirt or with chalk (well rarely). She is very comfortable in my messy house. Her kids beg her to be more like me--so they get a little muddy, that's what a washing machine and bath tub are for. Or the puzzle sits on the floor for a few days.

amother

Sand

Mon, May 22 2023, 6:17 pm

amother Plum wrote:

What can one do about grout between kitchen tiles? It makes my kitchen look substandard and I can't clean them - I even tried oven cleaner. I'm embarrassed of anyone seeing them.
Also my wooden floors look like they've seen better days.

Try a bleach pen maybe?