Feeling Unappreciated

watergirl

Thu, Jun 22 2023, 9:30 am

amother OP wrote:

I am.
The second school was out, I got off their chats.
The leaving out of appreciation several times is one of more issues.

I'm really glad to hear that. It seems like there are more issues based on what you said already - to walk in, gift two and leave a third out - that's indicative of other issues.

amother

Crimson

Thu, Jun 22 2023, 12:38 pm

From a parent's perspective, I don't know all the teachers my children have. When I picked up dd from school today she pointed at someone and says miss x teaches me. I have no idea who miss x is or even that she was involved with dd. I know her 3 main teachers, but all the different assistants or other support staff etc, I don't know.
If school were to send me a letter saying who all my child's teachers were, I might then know.
That's from a parent. But there's no excuse for the school not knowing who you are. I work in a school and we are so careful to gift every member of staff. We even gift our volunteers (which also include 2 adults with additional needs). If they don't value who you are and what you do, then I would really be rethinking my workplace.

amother

Snapdragon

Thu, Jun 22 2023, 1:46 pm

OP, all your posts in this thread make me wonder if there is a communication issue. Business owners who sell a service learn how to feel comfortable constantly "tooting their own horn" so to speak. They have to explain what value their service provides and how great it is.

While that might feel weird as a teacher, it is really about communication. In this thread, you described your efforts and caring very eloquently. I wonder if you have described yourself the same way in conversations with the hanhala or parents.

amother OP wrote:

I help the kids realize their potential. For every student, especially those who struggle, I help them see how good they are at it, even when it's below basic level. It empowers them to learn and try. I notice their effort.

Honestly, this is beautiful. If a teacher said this to me at parent teachers, that would leave an impression.

amother

Snapdragon

Thu, Jun 22 2023, 1:49 pm

amother Hibiscus wrote:

This.

Dear OP,

I brought the teachers gift certificates to a local store before rosh Hashanah.

In addition to the class collection, I gave Chanukah gifts as well.

On Purim, I gave cash.

Each time accompanied by a nice note.

I never ever got a thank you afterwards.
Not a call.
Not an email
Not a text.
Zero. Zilch. Nada.

You know what I did this week as the year came to a close?

Zero. Zilch. Nada.
I was/am done.
Hakaras hatov is a 2 way street.

OP, you sound like a an amazing teacher and human being, and I'm so sorry you were hurt. I'm a firm believer in acknowledging teachers, but still ..

I actually completely disagree with this. A gift to teachers is like giving a thank you, or a tip. We don't need to give a thank you card for giving a thank you card or a tip. Unless the gift or cash was completely outside the bounds of what is usually done. I think 2 teachers sent thank you cards for these gifts in my 15+ years of having kids in grade school and I was floored both times.

amother

Cobalt

Thu, Jun 22 2023, 2:05 pm

amother OP wrote:

A lot of time crying about it?
School ended yesterday - yeah, it was a smack in the face to me.
People are allowed to have feelings and yes - ill be blunt.

You missed the point of the post.
In a classroom with your child every.single.day.
I sure hope you know who is taking responsibility for your children and who is helping them succeed.
About the vase- if you knew that everyone was given the time in class to write these thank yous to ALL the teachers in school and your name was left out = im sure you would feel disgusted seeing that it worked out and everyone got a vase with flowers. That was the point of it, the words of appreciation. Without it - worthless in my opiniion.

How about read my post above this one too?

I read all your posts.

It sounds like your being overlooked at work. You can definitely talk to the administration about that, or it might be time for a new job. Or it might be time to look at your job in a new way, as a stepping stone to greater things, a way to gain skills and experience.

But please give the parents a pass. In all likelihood, they have no clue who you are or what you do. That doesn't have any bearing on your worth. Most support staff are invisible; they do a behind the scenes job, essential to the end result, but not front and center. Asking parents to recognize and thank every person their child comes in contact with isn't a fair expectation.

amother

Banana

Thu, Jun 22 2023, 2:15 pm

I used to do push in support. When a class had math I'd go in, walk around and help the girls who needed help. I was in each class for half an hour so I had time for a bunch of different classes.

I did this job for over 5 years and in all that time, exactly one mother sent in mishloach manos and that's it. Honestly I was amazed the mother even knew I existed and that she knew my name.

Did I feel overlooked? Yes. Did I blame the parents? No. It kind of comes with the territory.

But. The school I worked in was very good to me. They remembered me and showed their appreciation the same as any other teacher. And that makes a very big difference.

Showing appreciation is the job of your employer--the school. It isn't fair to blame the parents because it's really too much for parents to keep up with it all.

amother

Thu, Jun 22 2023, 2:59 pm

amother Banana wrote:

Did you read the part where I said it bothered me that nobody sent, not even one. I don't think anyone ever expects most or all to send. I wasn't only a "push-in".

amother

Cornsilk

Thu, Jun 22 2023, 3:27 pm

A few years ago I left a school because I felt unappreciated. They would beg me to take maternity and sick leaves for teachers.... of classes that I specifically requested and wasn't given in the first place (I wasn't only subbing... I also taught plenty of my own classes). The icing on the cake was at the end of year lunch when they gave a personal wrapped gift with a card to teachers who had been there for one year but were not continuing. I received an unwrapped book with no card that had clearly been pulled off of someone's shelf that morning when they realized they forgot me. After 7 years of teaching there. I get you. I really do.

But I switched schools and now I feel so appreciated! Administrators thank me personally and give me the classes I ask for! They let me take extra personal days when I had a family Simcha without docking my pay. Look around if you aren't happy where you are. It is possible to make a change. I'm so happy I did. I have never looked back!

amother

Midnight

Thu, Jun 22 2023, 3:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

I hear you on one side.
On the other side,
Do you know how many hours throughout the entire year are spent planning, meeting, grading, discussing plans for your child on how to best help them to succeed, report cards and so so much more? Many or most during hours that we wish to be sleeping?
This is all done outside our teaching slot, aside from a meeting or two here and there.

The way you wrote not taking one minute of sleep for a teacher, when it doesn't even have to take a minute of sleep, comes off rude.
You totally missed the point in any case -

Sorry but this is your job. To lesson plan, grade assignments, report cards... that is part of the job. To expect anything is a problem. We have a ton of other commitments. Teachers keep asking on here and IRL for gifts, cash, letters (handwritten! Individualized!), appreciation. It's wrong the school left you off the lists but don't take that out on the parents. And please stop expecting stuff and appreciation. My husband and I work full time (yes, I do 35-40 hours a week out of the home!!) Just to pay tuition and real basics. I don't do vacations, new sheitels, or dress my kids in frum or matching fashion.

Oh, and I do thank the teachers and write a note for Purim with my standard MM.

amother

Marigold

Thu, Jun 22 2023, 3:54 pm

amother Midnight wrote:

I find that the harder people have to work to pay tuition, the less interested they are in showing appreciation to teachers.
Just an observation.

amother

Thu, Jun 22 2023, 5:46 pm

amother Midnight wrote:

Sorry if I misunderstood.
Are you saying it's not right to thank a teacher with a text, letter or card? Those have no monitary value.
Nobody says it's a burden to stay up to work. However, it's inconsiderate to say you wouldn't even take an extra minute of your day to write a message to a teacher.

amother

Brickred

Thu, Jun 22 2023, 5:49 pm

amother OP wrote:

Do you take a minute every day to send a message of thanks to anyone who did anything for you that day?

flowerpower

Thu, Jun 22 2023, 5:51 pm

amother Brickred wrote:

We all have jobs we work hard at and many of us don’t get thanked often or with gifts. Why do you think you deserve more thanks than anyone else in the world?

I don’t get this comment. Working with kids is not the same as working in an office. Sorry

amother

Brickred

Thu, Jun 22 2023, 5:53 pm

flowerpower wrote:

I don’t get this comment. Working with kids is not the same as working in an office. Sorry

Who said anything about an office? There are so many types of jobs, many involve kids and many are harder than teaching. My job happens to involve children and I have to work really hard with them, never got a gift or card. I still don’t understand the teacher entitlement on this site.

flowerpower

Thu, Jun 22 2023, 5:56 pm

amother Brickred wrote:

What is your job? Do you communicate with the parents?

amother

Crimson

Thu, Jun 22 2023, 6:01 pm

I feel like a lot of the resentment that's coming through from the op is simply the lack of recognition and appreciation from the school. When you're working really hard and really putting in all your effort, you would like that to be noticed and appreciated. And it's hard to deal when you're not getting any appreciation for the effort. And it's soul destroying watching people around you getting appreciation for all they're doing and you're the only one that isn't.
I feel she is justifiably upset at the school and it isn't fair that she is left out whilst other teachers are being appreciated. If all teachers were neglected and not appreciation was shown to anyone, well that's a terrible work environment. But it's worse when you're the only one.
It would be the same in any other work environment. Employers, whether it's office, school, hospitals, whatever, need to show some appreciation towards their staff. But all their staff.

amother

Crimson

Thu, Jun 22 2023, 6:04 pm

Another point in regards to parents, is that unless you work, or have worked in education, you don't usually really understand what it's like to be a teacher. When I talk to my sils, or other friends that don't teach, their expectations of their teachers are very different. They also don't really get how difficult it is to stand in front of a class and teach, and all the other responsibilities that go with the job.
So parents may be ignorant of the hard work teachers are doing because they don't know any better.

amother

Midnight

Thu, Jun 22 2023, 6:24 pm

amother Marigold wrote:

I find that the harder people have to work to pay tuition, the less interested they are in showing appreciation to teachers.
Just an observation.

I do show appreciation. Every time I speak with or send an email to a teacher I say how appreciative I am. I send MM with a handwritten card. I contribute to class gifts. Never got a thank you besides some mass generated email or a note printed on their parsha sheet.

But I work full time and for the last 5 years at my company I got exactly 1 thank you note from a client. Never from a family member. The people I work with I spend hours with every week. Typically for months. Think like a PT at a residential rehab or long term care place. (I am not a PT, just giving an example. My workplace is unique and I don't want anyone to identify me).
And I still show up to work and I don't hold a grudge against them. They have their own lives. Their own struggles. And I don't send messages around saying what we should get or how ungrateful people are that they don't give. Oh and a lot of my clients are Jewish/frum too. This is my job. Any gratitude is a bonus and I do this because I am passionate about it.