If you have an HFA son what does Off the derech mean to you

amother

Thu, Jun 22 2023, 5:21 pm

amother Peach wrote:

I'm noticing a common theme of things involving Hebrew being a challenge. Did he struggle with reading? Or could it be an attentional thing- I know many kids (and adults) with ADHD struggle with davening and bentching

No problem reading at all! Yes he is kinda ADHD and we did go the meds route a couple of years ago but honestly that was a disaster for us and made him aggressive etc even with adjusting meds for over a year.

amother

Dandelion

Fri, Jun 23 2023, 7:53 am

amother OP wrote:

TYSM
He eats the seudos in the kitchen and comes in and out of the dining room during the meal. He can't stand the noise.

He is totally uninterested in gemara outside of school. It's a matter of interest- he is not at all interested.

DH has an abnormally high IQ but has severe ADHD and social anxiety. In yeshivah high school he went to the top extra curricar class of Gemara. Yet he didn't like it, and it went worse when the rebbi was calling him out about something and put him at the spot, that doesn't help when you are anxious. Because he understood a sugya very well but was really anxious and had trouble focusing it was always a struggle.
His parents always proud and pushed him to learn on Shabbos and Yontif instead of doing something that would unwind his very busy brain because every boy loves gemara. Because of his neurodiversity he needed to have a safe place to unwind his brain in order to excel on school and that was forbidden by the standards DH was in. DH was seen as OTD as well but he totally isn't and he doesn't want to learn any torah because of the stress it caused.

amother

NeonBlue

Fri, Jun 23 2023, 8:23 am

Try to focus on your goal for this child. You want him to be healthy, happy, foremost after that he should have a strong kesher with hashem and yiddishkeit. That kesher may look different for our special children and that's ok as long as it is a true and joyous. It's really hard for me to have to let go of the goal of him looking and learning like a typical yeshiva bochur but I keep reminding myself of my bigger goals for my son and that helps me stay positive and focused while I parent him