Where are all the formula mommies?

Ema of 5

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 7:01 am

amother Cinnamon wrote:

Eww. What a nasty, judgy, attitude. I can only assume that you feel so hurt and inadequate that you feel a need to judge the rest of us.

You can go ahead and FF but seriously, anyone who is proud of the sacrifices she's made isn't necessarily lacking empathy or life experience. You really don't know what someone else is going through. Some of us just have different priorities than you do.

Your judgment of those who you assume are judging you is just sick and gross. And I don't need your pity for nursing, or your jealousy, for that matter. I do what's best for my babies.

I hope one day you learn not to judge others, and you heal emotionally. Because pitying someone for nursing their baby means you've got a lot to work through.

Good day.

Come on, cut her a little slack. She said nursing makes her miserable. That’s not typical. It’s painful, in multiple ways. You could try to be just a little more gentle.

amother

Cinnamon

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 7:02 am

amother Mauve wrote:

Same, same, same!!! It took DH ages to understand how frustrating it is when he says, "Just give a bottle."

I'm really struggling with this, I feel so yuck giving my baby formula. He's my third. My first was a disaster and was on formula really early on. My second was a miserable nurser for 7 months, then I exclusively pumped for him until he turned 1. My baby now was a miserable nurser and I tried changing to pumping a few weeks ago (he's 4mo) but it wasn't working for myself and my family and I'm dropping it. Trying to get rid of my supply now.

I just feel like a failure, even though I never enjoyed the nursing and I'm feeling a lot more free now that DH can give some of the bottles. Just Banging head

One thing I've learned throughout all my nursing struggles (I've had one child out of five who nursed without any problems or pain, and no need to pump) is that without a supportive DH it's simply not possible to nurse unless everything goes smoothly. It's just not. I used to think that moms who don't nurse need to try more. I still think that - sometimes. But if the baby has older siblings and things aren't smooth, and you don't have a supportive partner who picks up the pieces so that you can devote half your energy to breastfeeding - then you're going to find it very very hard or nearly impossible to EBF, or even breastfeed at all past a certain stage.

amother

Gladiolus

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 7:06 am

amother Cinnamon wrote:

What a great message to read this morning. Thanks for adding some joy to my day.

I don’t assume people judge me. The vast majority of people don’t spend their time thinking or caring about what others do, it’s the rare person who judges me. When they express their disapproval of my choice to me, I learn that they aren’t too life experienced or wise. Anyone who would say something like that to a formula feeding mom has problems. Alternately they’re just old ladies - if an old lady would say it to me I wouldn’t care or judge.

I don’t think my pity for nursing moms is warranted, it’s just how I feel because of how horrible nursing was for me. I thought that was obvious. I’m sure most people who nurse have a great experience.

I do have a lot to work through. I don’t think my post warranted this abusive response and it wasn’t helpful in any way. Do you routinely yell at people who experience things differently than you?

amother

Hyssop

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 7:51 am

amother Cinnamon wrote:

Cinnamon, it’s so early in the morning. Why are you using such a nasty tone? Why are nursing mothers allowed to judge in your book, but not her? Sounds like you are getting self defensive here.

Debbie

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 8:38 am

OP My two children are adults now but I was a formula feeding mother; with my first I tried to breastfeed but it just didn't work out, with my second I chose formula feeding from birth.
I did get negative comments and one nasty one and I had hoped that attitudes had changed but it seems there will always be those who feel the need to mind everyone else's business!

Last edited by Debbie on Sun, Aug 13 2023, 9:14 am; edited 3 times in total

amother

Pink

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 8:43 am

amother OP wrote:

I feel like I’m surrounded by women who EBF until 12, 18, or 24 months. My babies always end up combo feeding, and eventually completely on formula at pretty young ages.

My current baby is little but he is exclusively formula fed at this point. I really wanted to make it work but I was forced to supplement very early. Then my supply completely tanked and here we are, done nursing by 3 months Sad

I know I’m feeding my baby the best way I can. I know formula fed babies do just fine. I just can’t help getting pulled back into that feeling of inadequacy again. I’m embarrassed to give my tiny baby bottles when everyone else is exclusively nursing. The way some people talk about giving formula…it’s like they shudder.

I’m just looking for some solidarity here. If you are a formula feeding mother, please raise your hand!

All of my kids have been formula fed since birth. I have never felt bad or guilty. Breast feeding is not something I care to deal with, and I have a disability that would make it hard for me, anyway. You aren't alone!

amother

Pink

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 8:50 am

amother Lily wrote:

For all you ladies who say it affected your mental health, can you elaborate on what you mean? I feel so sorry for all the people who feel so much guilt over not nursing.

I never felt guilty about formula feeding, but one of the reasons it affects my mental health is because I've lived with some degree of anorexia since I was 17, and I just can't deal with the extra breast fat. If I don't breastfeed, the fat goes away.

amother

Bluebonnet

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 9:12 am

amother Gladiolus wrote:

Nursing makes me so miserable so I stop a few weeks or months in and my mental health gets so much better. The babies sleep better though the night, I don’t have to hide out to nurse, feedings take faster, it’s just so much better! And I have peace of mind knowing my baby is eating enough because I know the number of oz they had.

Only downside is the expense but it’s worth spending on. I say that as a person slowly paying down debt. My mental health is worth the money.

Some people do judge me for formula feeding and I just learn from that that they’re not that empathetic or life experienced in this regard. I roll my eyes at them and move on with my day. Because of how sad nursing made me, I feel pity for women that I see nursing, not jealousy.

I know a bunch of people who were formula fed and are now fully healthy, amazing adults. That helps me know I’m not doing anything wrong. BH for formula!

Can’t agree more!
Nursing made me miserable in many ways. I couldn’t lose weight. My babies were never happy. I kept staining. I regret nursing the first couple of kids. Thinking back I can cry for the younger me who struggled and sacrificed so badly to nurse just because of all the talk of how much healthier it is.
When I was older and wiser I started formula feeding me babies and I only have good things to say about it. Those kids turned out happier and healthier than those I struggled to breastfeed.
When I see young harried mothers breastfeeding I feel the same as you. I feel pity for them just because I’m reminded of my younger self.

amother

Bluebonnet

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 9:20 am

amother Gladiolus wrote:

I have a sad story on this. After a particularly hard birth and a child in the nicu whom I formula fed, a well meaning acquaintance made a very stupid and hurtful comment like: you don’t feel bad not to breastfeed? I would feel horrible... It’s been years but I remember it like today. When you’re hormonal and weak and postpartum after a nicu trauma you don’t want to hear that...
Fast forward a few years and she unfortunately had a very unhealthy child whom she not only ff but couldn’t even eat normally by bottle the first few months. Of course breastfeeding was out of the question. I never asked her how it felt but definitely thought it. Of course I never wished she should find out this way...
Bottom line, feed your kids in the best way you see fit and keep your comments and thoughts to yourself.
ETA your post did not deserve that abusive response at all. No idea where that came from! There was nothing judgemental about your post. In fact, it got 11 likes while her abusive response got none... so don’t take it personally. Probably someone having a nasty morning and found where to express it.

amother

Alyssum

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 11:06 am

Your go, girl! Do what works for you and let the naysayers jump in a lake of their own milk.

I never had a great supply even with pumping, plus I worked, plus I had twins. EBF wasn't going to happen, not even from Day 1, if I was going to come out of this sane and healthy. Formula supplements didn't do them any harm and they are now parents themselves.

Those who want to EBF, good for you! You do you and let everyone else do them. Just as vegans, natural foods people, vegetarians, consumers of organically-grown foods, Sahm's, surrendered wives, proponents of nursing on demand, child-led weaning, the rhythm method of contraception or no contraception etc etc should do their own thing and let everyone else do theirs.

amother

Emerald

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 11:10 am

amother OP wrote:

BH no one makes comments. But my mother was very into nursing, and most of my friends and neighbors are, as well. It’s just my internal feeling that I’m the odd one out.

I am really sorry you are made to feel this way. I actually had the same situation in reverse. I EBF but I don’t have an opinion on what other people do with their children. I am horrified that others think it is their business. I make skinny kids and was always “blamed” because I didn’t formula feed them. 🙄 Everyone around me formula fed Vs EBF and I was constantly criticized. Happy to hear people aren’t commenting to you.

Please continue to feed your baby how you like and try to tell everyone else who seems to have an opinion, even if they don’t express it, to *expletive deleted* seriously. Be confident with your choice to feed your baby how you like. Hatzlacha.