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-> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
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amother
OP
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 Sun, Aug 13 2023, 7:48 pm
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I need help. My 9 year old ds always lies and today I sat down and had a heart to heart with him about honesty. He tells me it's hard for him to tell the truth. How can I help him to remind him?
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naomi2
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Sun, Aug 13 2023, 7:58 pm
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Sometimes kids lie because they want to avoid a certain reaction from the person they are talking to like anger, disappointment, punishment etc
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amother
Mulberry
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Sun, Aug 13 2023, 10:05 pm
Always believe them, be extra extra dan lcaf zechus.
Tell them they're very truthful, and any time you (accidently, because you should never try to catch them out) find out that they're lying and it has to be addressed, tell them how surprised you are because you know them to be an upright and honest person.
Try very hard not to catch them out. Don't ask questions which you think they're going to be tempted to lie the answer.
If a child feels that you are sure 100% that he is honest and truthful, he WILL want to live up to that perspective.
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imasinger
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Mon, Aug 14 2023, 2:51 am
Advice from a shiur given by someone in my community on this:
- Model your own process. Let him see you go the extra mile to be honest, even/especially when there is a personal cost. Talk about it out loud so he knows that the struggle is human, but the wrong inclination can be overcome.
- Catch him being honest. Any time you note him telling the truth, talk about how proud you are to see what an honest person he is.
- Talk regularly at the table or on other occasions about values. "In our house, we...". Let the kids see what matters to you and why.
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amother
Cornsilk
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Mon, Aug 14 2023, 7:08 am
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Implement a 'safe minute'. A child can request a safe minute for anything, anytime - they tell you whatever they want and you stay calm, no anger, no yelling, no major punishments, praise them for telling you the truth and then discuss whatever they raised calmly. When we implemented this for my dd, she started telling the truth more often.
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#BestBubby
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Mon, Aug 14 2023, 7:12 am
Second Imasinger
You and DH must be very careful about Truth.
No telling kids "say I'm not home".
Read stories about Gedolim and regular people who sacrificed for Truth.
If child admits Truth, praise, even if he did something wrong.
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