Don't bring your kids

Cheiny

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 7:08 pm

amother Acacia wrote:

But what's wrong with bringing them to the hotel when they went? It's not like she brought them to the wedding. I don't see any issue with this.

I was under the impression (and apparently so were many others here) that OP brought the little kids anyway, hoping to bring them to the wedding until she got a text from the family the day before, reiterating that she shouldn’t bring them.

If that wasn’t the plan I’m not sure why OP would take the little kids through the whole travel thing just to have to stay in the hotel room with them instead of going to the wedding.

mommy3b2c

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 7:09 pm

amother OP wrote:

Wow how many people are going to say I was wrong for bringing them?!
I didnt bring them!!
I brought them with me on the flight without telling them not sure how they even heard they came because we all went as a family but I didn't bring them to the wedding.
Literally never had any intention to. Was fine with not going to the wedding. It was important to my husband to be there and he went.

I was wondering if it's normal to expect cousins to come to an out of state wedding and not bring little kids.

No it’s not normal . And it’s very nasty on their part . Even if you were local it would be nasty but especially so becuase it was out of town.

Highstrung

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 7:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

It’s weird for first cousins not to be able to go to their aunt and uncle’s wedding.
If you are a first cousin and wanted to bring kids , then I understand the no kids rule even if traveling in.

Cheiny

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 7:10 pm

amother Amaranthus wrote:

She said the other side had kids there. Not her side. In other words it was her ILs who didn't want kids and not the other side.

There are no doubt other details that none of us are privy to… the other side might’ve paid more for the wedding, they might’ve covered the extra money for the kids on their side, OP’s family might’ve just agreed to have the other side’s family children there in order to keep the peace, and not have been able to afford to have their own as well…

The point is, they had every right to handle the wedding invitations the way they needed to.

Cheiny

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 7:14 pm

amother OP wrote:

Is that really the way your conversation with the baalei simcha went?

lamplighter

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 7:19 pm

amother OP wrote:

Imagine this conversation with your mother in law..hi we are making a wedding Wed love for you to come but the thing is you can't bring your kids.
Ok but I really can't leave them.

Ok ..so don't come.

Ouch!
They don't really care if we are there ot not.

How about if they would have said we totally get it. We still want you there! Let me call my neighbors daughter to see if she can watch the kids.

It's a feeling. Family relationships.
They literally could not care less if we came or not.
Note to self..

This is a totally different issue. You are hurt because they didn't care if you came or they just cared that no kids came.

When she said so don't come that's when you either say ok we won't come or you say we'll get back to you. Then you communicate that you decided you will come and bring the kids but you will stay in the hotel with them.

It sounds like you were told not to bring the kids under no circumstances then you traveled with your kids and they freaked out that you were disregarding their clear instructions so they reminded you via text.
You should not be resentful that you spent the night babysitting if that was the original plan, the real hurt is that they didn't seem to care if you came at all.

Where is your husband in all this? Why didn't you hire a local babysitter? Maybe next time just send your husband with the older ones.

Last edited by lamplighter on Mon, Aug 28 2023, 7:21 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Pearl

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 7:20 pm

We recently had a family wedding where we were told they weren’t buying plates/seats for any of the kids. So some cousins didn’t bring kids- either left with a babysitter or the spouse stayed home. Some brought the whole family just for the chuppah. Some brought kids and just sat them on their lap and shared their serving with them.

amother

Maroon

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 7:21 pm

amother Acacia wrote:

But what's wrong with bringing them to the hotel when they went? It's not like she brought them to the wedding. I don't see any issue with this.

The week of the wedding- what would be your thoughts as to why she came with children? Would you think she decided to make a vacation week?
However I would like to know who the other little children were.
If they were cousins of chassan kallah from other side (like op’s children who are cousins) or were they the immediate siblings of the chassan or kallah.

amother

Hydrangea

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 7:23 pm

amother OP wrote:

Did you not even read my post ? I didn't bring them.

Yes, I read your post.
You wrote

Quote:

So we brought the little kids with us anyway

You didn't write that you brought them to the city and weren't planning on actually bringing them.

As a matter of fact, you still haven't said you weren't planning on bringing them. So that's not clear. You just keep saying you didn't mind missing it.

(Ftr I think I would just miss a Simcha or find a sitter there)

Highstrung

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 7:24 pm

amother OP wrote:

It doesn’t sound like they are very warm . I would have not travelled into the wedding if I felt my presence wouldn’t make a difference to them.

amother

Jade

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 7:25 pm

I don’t think she cared that you brought your kids to her city, it sounds like she just wanted to make sure u knew the kids weren’t welcome at the wedding (probably because they didn’t want to pay for kids meals if I had to guess) and once she heard you had flown them out there with you she thought u might have decided to just bring them along anyway, or maybe forgotten that they aren’t invited, so she was reminding you

Nice? No
Normal? Not very

From some people we learn how to act and from some people we learn how not to act.

(Btw you could have responded that you weren’t planning to bring them to the wedding and you just brought them along for the vacation/because you can leave them home alone. Maybe that would have cleared the air.)

amother

Maroon

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 7:29 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yes - I understand you. It would have been nice if your in-laws said come with everyone and we will make arrangements for the little ones. Do your inlaws live in that town? Did your inlaws have a say, any say at all in this wedding? Or were they guests at their grandchild’s wedding?

amother

Blueberry

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 7:37 pm

Not my style but there are people that don’t want tons of little kids and babies etc at their chasuna- financially and due to logistics, noise level , vibe etc- their wedding their choice
Good to put yourself in the other persons shoes -by showing up with your little kids you may have been putting some people in Dh’s family in an awkward position vis a vis the chosson and kallah and the mechutanim
There are some kallahs and/or parents that don’t want little kids at the chasuna
Sounds like this chasuna was one of them
Not to mention these are your ILs not your parents and probs lt would’ve been a good time for you to respect the request of the chasuna invite

amother

Blueberry

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 7:44 pm

The wedding was given by your husbands brother. I can assure you no one appreciates if the grandparents chime in with requests against the kallahs and parents and mechutanims express wishes
You put your ILs in an uncomfortable position their hands were tied it’s not their wedding they are not the hosts giving it

amother

IndianRed

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 7:55 pm

amother Navyblue wrote:

It sounds like you were going to bring them until you got that text right before.

I’m wondering about this too.

In my circles it’s not common for the bride and groom to arrange babysitting for kids who aren’t invited, it’s their parents responsibility.