I'm an only child (grew up orthodox) - AMA

amother

Wed, Sep 06 2023, 12:49 pm

amother Obsidian wrote:

He certainly liked some parts of being an only child but he was very lonely. He never wanted to invite friends over because he thought his house was boring. He always loved going to his friends houses. My husband is definitely not an introvert. He cares about his friends more then most guys because he views his closest friends like his brothers.

My DH really wanted to marry someone who came from a big family and he did. My parents and siblings love him BH and view him as a son/brother not an inlaw.

My DH has learned to realize how unhealthy his parents disappointments are to him. With therapy he has learned to put up barriers to protect himself and give him the ability to tell his parents how they are making him feel. It isn't easy.

For me one of the hardest parts are all the comments from outsiders that I have to live with. Being an only child is so uncommon in the frum world people think my inlaws pay for everything for us. They don't. They don't buy my kids presents. Many of my children are disappointing to them too. Too bad. My DH and kids are amazing. It's sad that my inlaws can't see that.

Sounds rough, glad your husband has learned boundaries, I know it's hard. Your in laws are definitely missing out.

People also think my parents must buy me everything, but it's not like they are rich, they didn't support us when we got married or anything,and we buy our own stuff. And they aren't rich grandparents who buy tons of stuff for my kids either, it is generally limited to birthday presents or other very special occasions. But thank G-d my parents have a great relationship with my kids.

amother

Navy

Wed, Sep 06 2023, 1:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

Send her to sleep away camp LOL

Seriously though, suddenly living with a bunch of other girls in close quarters was a major shock to me and I learned from it.

But also, having everything be yours doesn't automatically translate to being spoiled. All my stuff was mine, but my parents did a good job not spoiling me. I never felt entitled to toys or other things like that. They also made me buy my own stuff, which is another good practical suggestion which taught me the value of things.

I hear that. She is only 9 though. Maybe in two years.

Your perspective has been good for me. I needed to hear that so that I try harder.

amother

Honeydew

Wed, Sep 06 2023, 1:56 pm

Someone asked about being attached. My son was independent type. By 16 he went off to dorm in Yeshiva out of town. People asked me if how I let him. If Im not attached. I said being independent amd going to yeshivah is good for him, and that's what he wants, how can I hold him back for selfish reasons. Ok by that time I had little toddlers already as well.

amother

Opal

Wed, Sep 06 2023, 2:09 pm

I have a FFB only child plus I'm divorced. It's very true that our house revolves around her, naturally. If I'm making supper and she doesn't eat it, then why did I make it? So might as well make what she'll eat (or she makes it by now herself).
She also likes going to her friends who have siblings and it's a happening place. Otoh, some of her friends like to come when they want peace and quiet.
She went away to Israel now and I'm often asked how I let her. It's simple - her needs at this point are more important than my comfort. She now has 4 roommates as opposed to having her own room for the past 10 years. We'll see how that goes lol.
She also went away for the whole summer to work and I let her cause she was doing what she loved and she gained tons from it.
Our family friends are our family and we treasure them. (Hi one such friend

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amother

Wed, Sep 06 2023, 3:16 pm

amother Opal wrote:

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amother Honeydew wrote:

You both sound like great moms!