Dressing kids in style how important?

amother

Brunette

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 8:50 am

My girls are starting to grow older and I think it's important to be normal. They don't need to be wearing branded clothes and for me to pay a lot of money, but they do have to look okay. If most of her class, and indeed the school are wearing dark coats, for me to send dd in a bright pink coat will stand out. If I find a cute dress on sale, but it's different (and not good different) to what everyone is wearing, I wouldn't buy it.
I'm lucky in that my kids school seems to have a lot of variation, and that my kids aren't bothered. But I think it's important for me to dress them similar to everyone else. I don't have to be a sheep and buy the same 2 dresses that everyone else has and has paid a lot of money for, but I won't buy something that is sooo different and will stand out.
Op, is there a similar coat at a cheaper price that you could get?

amother

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 9:09 am

amother Brunette wrote:

Maybe I'm not sure. The Ali one is definitely cheaper than appaman (which I'd never buy). Also, btw they asked for this coat for a few years already but they had perfectly good ones. Now, they both outgrew theirs so when I have to buy new they're asking for this one.

amother

Bronze

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 9:30 am

amother OP wrote:

I'm going to ask my Rav but how important is it that I allocate money to clothes for my children that two in style? (I don't necessarily mean the top brands, but like an Ali coat vs appaman, fake ugg boots). We cannot afford it, we are paycheck to paycheck and drowning. But, I have trauma from not being a stylish kid. What do I do? (I take as many hand me downsize as I can, but it's hit or miss).

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baked ziti

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 9:37 am

amother Mimosa wrote:

I'm really surprised by mothers' attitudes on this thread. What ever happened to teaching kids not to be so obsessive with gashmiyut? And that you DON'T need to cave to peer pressure and do things which aren't necessarily right to appease others? Don't go into debt, educate your kids, ladies!

And I find it hard to believe that the mothers of such kids don't care about brand names themselves. Model by example.

Once your kids are teens all you can do is lead by example. It's up to them to either absorb the value or not. You can't force them to live by your exact level of materialism at that point. Obviously the parent must draw the line somewhere, but it likely will have to be somewhere around the middle, or it will surely backfire. If there isn't a balanced approach your child will completely reject the value, like throwing out the baby with the bathwater.
Speaking as a very simple, not very materialistic mom who values histapkus bmiut but had to find her balance once her kids hit their teens.

emee2

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 11:31 am

Also I encourage my girls to put more expensive things that I wouldn’t normally buy on their birthday or Chanukah wishlists. Nothing over the top but for example my daughter wanted specific fancy binders and notebooks for school that were more expensive than I would normally buy so she got them as a Chanukah gift. For yontif I usually get my teenage girls something so this is another time when I might treat them to something that they might want like lulu lemon bags or whatever the latest meshugas is. My girls know there are limits and I help them choose and weigh the pros and cons of their decisions. Also they know there won’t be any Tiffany bracelets or Michelle watches which are very popular where I live. 🤷🏽‍♀️

amother

Powderblue

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 11:37 am

emee2 wrote:

Or let them chip in. My teen DS who is not into brand names at all suddenly had his heart set on an expensive knapsack that's apparently "in" in his yeshiva. It was $100. We can afford it but I wouldn't normally spend that much on a knapsack. I told him how much we were willing to spend on a good knapsack and he could chip in the rest if he wanted that specific one. He gladly contributed some money that he'd earned (but didn't end up liking the knapsack so we sent it back, but he still learned the lesson, win win!).