So hurtful | Imamother

amother

Vanilla

Mon, Sep 25 2023, 10:43 pm

amother Maple wrote:

I really, really hope it was pikuach nefesh.

OP, many, many (almost all) women I know are home with a lot of little kids for the whole Yom Kippur.

This is the one time I want dh in shul: Yom Kippur brings out certain feelings that regular davening doesn't. It's his chance to express regret for the past, and to daven he shouldn't do it in the future. I'm only hurting myself if I take that away.

So hurtful. Dh was home most of the day.

amother

Maple

Mon, Sep 25 2023, 10:56 pm

amother Vanilla wrote:

So hurtful. Dh was home most of the day.

My point exactly. We finally have a dh going to shul and we're still complaining. There are women here that would give anything to stay home with little ones if it means their husbands will daven.

amother

Olive

Mon, Sep 25 2023, 10:58 pm

amother Maple wrote:

My point exactly. We finally have a dh going to shul and we're still complaining. There are women here that would give anything to stay home with little ones if it means their husbands will daven.

I have a feeling you missed her point. That her husband was home to help her fast, by caring for the kids when she couldn't.

amother

Vanilla

Mon, Sep 25 2023, 11:00 pm

amother Maple wrote:

My point exactly. We finally have a dh going to shul and we're still complaining. There are women here that would give anything to stay home with little ones if it means their husbands will daven.

Huh? Dh was home so to help with the kids. He did the right thing.

Ima_Shelli

Mon, Sep 25 2023, 11:04 pm

FYI in some ways it’s much harder to be home with two tiny ones than to be home with 5 older ones plus the two tinies. The older ones can be an extra set of hands in some cases and sometimes they end up being a source of entertainment for the tinies, who without them are expecting MOMMY to entertain them all day.

Im sorry you had such a hard day.

amother

Sunflower

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 12:19 am

I'm so sorry OP. That stage is really hard, like everyone said above, because you're the one jumping up for every drink, tissue, snack, book, toy that fell... it's non stop.
I agree about going to a rav.
For years that were difficult for me ( for example , I had a newborn) my husband davened at a vasikin minyan so that he was home for hours until mincha. That might be a good compromise for next year.

mommygirlx2

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 12:28 am

amother Maple wrote:

This is so toxic and untrue.
Fathers 💯 belong at home if their wife has a hard time fasting. The main mitzvah of the day is to fast. Everything else like davening and doing teshuva is extra. And btw Yom Kippur itself atones us even if we lie in bed all day and don’t step foot into a shul. Please stop making a mother feel guilty for her basic right- her husband and the father of her children watching them

amother

Moonstone

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 12:29 am

amother Vanilla wrote:

So hurtful. Dh was home most of the day.

So was mine! As he should be. There’s no way I would’ve made it thru the fast if he wasn’t.

amother

Lilac

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 10:43 am

I'm not a good faster at all.
Our Rav (yeshivish) said my husband should not go to shul to watch the children and that I should stay in bed if I'm having trouble fasting.

I really think you should both speak with your Rav about this.

amother

DarkKhaki

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 11:23 am

Another vote for 2 little kids being harder than more older kids. I really struggled on yom kippur, and tbh every shabbos morning. Now that they're a bit older, they can play themselves, or read, and I don't need to be entertaining and watching them like I did at that toddler and baby stage.
Is this part of a larger picture where you don't feel dh is involved and supporting you? Sometimes we focus on the immediate things and don't realize that these are pieces in a much bigger puzzle or pattern.