I raised a generation of entitled spoiled brats. Dont AMA

amother

Yarrow

Wed, Sep 27 2023, 11:30 pm

I've always felt that if you need to spend 60-80 to hire a teenage girl so you can go to a wedding for a few hours plus travel, that's what's part of it.

Kids who need loads of money to have an incentive to work... I have no idea how these kids will manage as adults. Working partly as a chesed and to develop work ethic helps develop middos and character.

I was happy to make $6 and minimum wage was $11. Now minimum wage is $15 and that's not enough for many teens.

My kids are little but I don't refrain from telling them when something is a no because it's expensive, they will know the value of a dollar and not require a big payout if they have an opportunity to earn.

#BestBubby

Wed, Sep 27 2023, 11:58 pm

amother Alyssum wrote:

Do you think you were any better as a kid? Let kids be kids and stop taking it personally.

Yes, I was much better.

And I never witnessed children ordering their parents around and insulting parents while the parents shut up and take it,
not when I was growing up.

amother

Emerald

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 1:19 am

#BestBubby wrote:

Yes, I was much better.

And I never witnessed children ordering their parents around and insulting parents while the parents shut up and take it,
not when I was growing up.

so what happened to the kids raised by your generation that they didn’t continue that Chinuch with their kids?

GLUE

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 5:12 am

It's an American attitude going all the way back to the Puritans.
The Puritans thought there kids were to spoiled and the kids thought there parents did not understand them.

If you read any parenting advise written by Americans for the last few 100 years it says the same thing how kids are so wild and disrespectful. If you read literature it talks about how parents are out of touch with them.

Mark Twain is quoted in saying;
When I was 18 my father knew nothing, when I was 21 I was amazed on how much he learned in the last 3 years.

The Myth Of The Spoiled Child, Coddled Kids, Helicopter Parents, and Other Phony Crises
By-Alfie Kohn
Talks about this.

#BestBubby

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 8:26 am

amother Emerald wrote:

so what happened to the kids raised by your generation that they didn’t continue that Chinuch with their kids?

They were convinced to follow modern parenting
"Experts", that this was the "better" way.

amother

Fern

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 8:26 am

#BestBubby wrote:

Yes, I was much better.

And I never witnessed children ordering their parents around and insulting parents while the parents shut up and take it,
not when I was growing up.

As horrific as that is to observe, I think it says more about parents (then and now) than the children.

And I don't know about you, but I was terrified of my father. He would blow a gasket at a whiff of chutzpah. That kept me in line as a child. Was that a good thing? Maybe from the outside looking in....

GLUE

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 8:35 am

#BestBubby wrote:

Spoiled children and helicopter parents are not a myth.

"Experts" like Alfie Kohn ruined a generation.

Did you read this book? or you just guessing what's in it from the name?

mommy3b2c

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 8:48 am

#BestBubby wrote:

Yes, I was much better.

And I never witnessed children ordering their parents around and insulting parents while the parents shut up and take it,
not when I was growing up.

Well I wasn’t much better at all. I had zero interest in helping . And I was actually a very good girl . And I never bossed my parents around or insulted them . I would have gotten smacked if I did , and besides I was a good girl as I mentioned . And bh , my kids do not insult me or put me down . They also have no interest in helping . Why should they ? They are kids . And they are good kids , and they help me anyway . Not a lot , but definitely a little . Also, I remember some of my friends as teenagers, and they were absolutely nasty to their parents and it shocked me every time . So it was happening last generation too, and it has to do with the parents not the generation.

#BestBubby

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 8:58 am

GLUE wrote:

Did you read this book? or you just guessing what's in it from the name?

I read articles by Kohn and it is dangerous nonsense.

Not only can't parents punish,but they should not reward either!

That gives government schools total control over kids, and yes government schools do use punishment and reward to control kids.

Let a kid say in school that there are only 2 genders and will he ever get punished and expelled!!!

Last edited by #BestBubby on Thu, Sep 28 2023, 9:42 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Apricot

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 9:00 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

I’m wondering if everyone’s kids are really that bad or if their expectations are just to high …

Sometimes I see kids and teens just absolutely horrible to their parents. Its hard to watch.

amother

Pewter

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 7:43 pm

You all should read Honor Them Revere Them by Rabbi Finkelman and Rabbi Wallerstein. It points out parents obligation to their children, by requiring the children to respect them because the Torah says so, and it points out how not to take advantage or cause your children to disobey you. It's a must for every jewish home.

amother

NeonGreen

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 8:34 pm

amother Freesia wrote:

How about from my newly pregnant (BH!) daughter - you know you guys are going to have to put an extension On the house in a few years so we feel comfortable coming.

I know that may not be feasible. Is it a completely outrageous request?

I squish into my inlaws tiny overcrowded apartment, multiple kids in my room, no privacy, very little space for kids to play.

I feel I'm entitled to better accommodations if I'm making the effort to travel a few hours with a handful of little kids.

No I never asked. There is no point.

I guess I'm part of the entitled generation. I hope I can do better for my kids.

If not, I'll at least let them know I wish I could.

amother

Mimosa

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 9:50 pm

amother Wheat wrote:

Ma, is that you? Why are you wasting time on your phone when you should be picking up my cleaners, putting away my sefarim, digging out my scrunched up socks from my pants that never made it into the hamper and clearing my bedroom floor of dirty tissues? Oh and btw, I'm gonna need $20 to go get iced coffee with my friend tomorrow, BH the school gave us off this week so I could help!

I know you’re saying this in jest, but it makes me so sad bec this is what my life feels like

mig100

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 10:06 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

I’m wondering if everyone’s kids are really that bad or if their expectations are just to high …

me too

amother

Salmon

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 10:22 pm

amother NeonGreen wrote:

Why do you think your entitled to netter accommodations? Are you in laws choosing to live in a tiny apartment for no reason or because they can't afford better?

amother

NeonPurple

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 10:33 pm

So just stay home .thats what we did because didn't want to squish.. Made sukkos first year we were married. Made mistake of goin for pesach and learnt my lesson to just make it myself . Pretty sick to demand an extension .

amother

Hibiscus

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 10:42 pm

amother Fern wrote:

I always say that when dealing with kids you have to make sure they don't have chutzpahdig thoughts.
Because they can't say it aloud but ...