Mother doesn’t respect our no shoe rule

Goldie613

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 1:21 am

Compromise - she takes off her outside shoes but she has a nice pair of pumps/heels/whatever she likes that she can put on when she arrives. That way she is still wearing shoes and you have less germs and dirt to worry about.

amother

Moonstone

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 1:42 am

I grew up in Montreal. No shoes is the norm (yes, in summer too!)
My parents would follow the no she’s rule simply because they’re from there. However, assuming that not, or assuming that it was my in-laws, I would not enforce it. I’d let them know that this is a rule in my house but if they choose to ignore it, I’d just let it go. Unless their shoes were really filthy. Then I’d have a mat prepared and make sure they properly wipe their feet. If they’d consistently come in with dirty shoes and make a big mess, I’d kindly buy firmly tell them that they can’t muddy up my floor unless they’re willing to pay to have it cleaned

amother

Honeydew

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 2:04 am

I honestly hate the no shoe rule. My feet get really sweaty and I get super embarrassed when I have to take shoes off in public, even if there are slippers for me to put on. Ive started avoiding going to friends who have this rule just because of this.
I personally think its sad that people are so obsessed with this thst theyre willing to have it affect their relationships like in this thread.
And here the mother makes it obvious that shes uncomfortable doing it, just think about the people who are also uncomfortable doing it but feel too funny to say anything. Id feel awful if guests in my home felt uncomfortable the way that I have..so yay you have a super clean floor but your hachnasas orchim is nothing great.

Elfrida

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 3:04 am

In the summer I very rarely wear shoes in the house. I enjoy walking on the cool stone floors. But I never take shoes off in public. It's not dignified

amother

Cerise

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 4:42 am

Are all these shoe-free houses in Canada? Seriously how dirty can someone's shoes make your floor? We have a mat right outside our front door and a mat right inside our front door. Plus 5 steps up to our front door. By the time they step into the house their shoes are pretty clean

amother

Mayflower

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 4:59 am

Op. If you weren't brought up this way, where did you pick up the no shoe rule from? It is outside the norm.

DrMom

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 5:25 am

amother Honeydew wrote:

Ive started avoiding going to friends who have this rule just because of this.
I personally think its sad that people are so obsessed with this thst theyre willing to have it affect their relationships like in this thread.

Isn't that exactly what you are doing by avoiding your friends?

amother

Honeydew

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 5:30 am

DrMom wrote:

Isn't that exactly what you are doing by avoiding your friends?

You have a point, but I'm embarrassed by my sweaty feet. Im literally anxious that my socks may be damp or may smell..its embarrassing. Do other people not sweat? Or do they just not care? Im happy to host them in my house but too stressful to go their house and deal with this issue.

amother

Seafoam

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 5:32 am

amother Honeydew wrote:

Yeah who wants to smell everyone's sweaty feet?

And honestly the same way you don't want my shoes on your floors, I don't want my tights on your floors, however clean you think they are.

internationalma

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 5:36 am

Downstairs ppl can do as they wish in my house but upstairs I have carpet and everyone takes their shoes off. I train the kids to take their shoes off when they get home. My husband is super proper and would not take off his shoes while eating ect so he always leaves them on downstairs . Most of my guest leave them on unless they need go upstairs then I ask to take off.

amother

Hyacinth

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 6:05 am

amother Seafoam wrote:

Yeah who wants to smell everyone's sweaty feet?

And honestly the same way you don't want my shoes on your floors, I don't want my tights on your floors, however clean you think they are.

I grew up in a no-shoe culture and literally never smelled anyone’s socks ever. Provided the feet stay on the ground but who lifts their feet fpr any reason while hosted?

Surrendered

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 6:15 am

Once upon a time there were two people. One had such a rule when coming into his house, and would get angry when anyone would dirty his floor with his shoes. He was publicly called: "ברוך מרחם על הארץ!"
The other guy had no issue letting people in, even with muddy shoes. He was called:
"ברוך מרחם על הברואות"!!!

Which one are you? Care more about the floor or care more about people???

(As for me, I cannot walk barefoot or with slippers, as I have issues with my foot and need support of my sneakers- all the time.
My brother made me remove my shoes upon entering, I am no longer visiting him. It's not worth it for me.)

amother

Cerise

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 6:22 am

DrMom wrote:

Isn't that exactly what you are doing by avoiding your friends?

Totally different. Noone has to go to someone else's house which has rules they're uncomfortable with. Ok I'll exclude parents and in laws.

imaima

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 6:27 am

Surrendered wrote:

Why is the guest not care about people (hosts) in your scenario?

amother

Hotpink

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 7:37 am

amother Cerise wrote:

not really. Just because they look "clean" they really arent. youre tracking in toxins and harmful chemicals into your house. I hate shoes in the house. OP I really commiserate. having guests on shabbos gives me a drop of nervousness because I just think about the stuff coming into my apartment with a baby crawling everywhere. your mother isnt being respectful, she knows your house rule. theres nothing you can do though, just mop and vacuum when she leaves

amother

DarkMagenta

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 8:22 am

I have a no shoe rule. We have carpet upstairs also and I think shoes specifically on carpet is disgusting.

We don't have guests for this reason- it's too stressful for me to politely remind them to take off their shoes etc.....it's crazy but I don't have a better solution and I'm not willing to forgo this rule.

We did purchase shoe covers for the cleaning lady or when a repairman comes. But in general I expect EVERY ONE to remove shoes and freak out if someone comes and doesn't.

amother

Stonewash

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 8:25 am

amother Seafoam wrote:

Yeah who wants to smell everyone's sweaty feet?

And honestly the same way you don't want my shoes on your floors, I don't want my tights on your floors, however clean you think they are.

People who only wear shoes outdoors tend to sweat less, it’s those who wear it all the time that smell.

Surrendered

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 8:27 am

imaima wrote:

Why is the guest not care about people (hosts) in your scenario?

*you can't change the world.
*it was said about two wealthy people, whom misheluchom came to for money. One let them in, the other one didn't, for fear that they will dirty his floor.
*my father had this theory, he didn't allow us to walk barefoot because aveilim go barefoot. Bh we are not aveilim, we should wear shoes.

amother

Stonewash

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 8:27 am

amother Cerise wrote:

Nope NJ. And my floors are filthy when people wear shoes and when no one wore shoes I only have a little bit of dust and some food crumbs on my floors. I’ve been to houses where my feet turned black just from walking from the bed to the bathroom. My house you can walk barefoot all the time, no one gets black and the floors basically always clean except near the kitchen table.

amother

Hotpink

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 8:29 am

what im not understanding is as follows- when youre in someone elses house you respect their rules. even if the rules are dumb to you.
why is that so hard to follow?

when I go to my MIL house she has a "rule" I cant stand but I do it anyway since I am in her house and respecting her space.