Not enough food at in-laws seudas

amother

Watermelon

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 4:33 am

when mine were little I always fed them a protein before going for a seduah to someone (Shabbos or yt) ex shnitsel or meat borekas or deli meat. this way when we go there if they didn't like the food they could eat challah and call it a day.

amother

Oleander

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 4:41 am

amother Crocus wrote:

Relate all too well only I don't get to feed my children beforehand because we're staying at MILs house. The meat/chicken is gone before it reaches me and there's a tablespoon to take of each side so that everyone gets. My pregnant nursing body hates going to her. There is always challah though.

My sister has this but she brings food and blames on the kids- they only like this chicken/ deli roll etc. her in-laws got used to it.

I have an aunt that eats very little and therefore serves tiny potions. I was mortified when my husband explained he needs more but honestly good for him- she still loves having him and he gets a double potion while we drool lol.

spikta

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 6:30 am

I vote for a combination of bringing and pointing out the quantity issue. "Hey ML, I'm going to bring a platter of schnitzels as well as the Challa this time. BH the kids are getting so big, they can easily eat a whole chicken leg each and still not be full". Hopefully that's enough of a hint that quantities should be upped.
If that doesn't work, you can tell her after the meal straight out "Hey ML, the chicken was so good! Could you make more of it next time? It was gone before it got to me, I only got to taste a bite from DH".
If I weren't making enough food, or food that people didn't like, I would really want to know. I'm horrified at the thought of knowing that there isn't enough food and not saying, much more than the thought of being told to make more.

If telling her point blank doesn't work, then clearly she's not going to change her ways, and you can continue bringing mains. It's annoying, but if you reframe your expectations - we're going there to hang out and spend time with family, we'll eat a full meal later - it will be less annoying.

amother

Orchid

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 6:43 am

My sil from overseas came for a few weeks with her husband and 4 kids. They ate by her mother and unfortunately there wasn't enough food. Actually, there was, but mil wanted to keep it for Sunday night. My bil wanted more food, but mil chesboned every peice.

When I heard it, I told them they should of come over to my place, I had leftovers.

amother

Lilac

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 6:51 am

Maybe this is just me, but if I don't have leftovers from a meal, I consider that there wasn't enough food. I have 4 grown children, plus DH and younger kids, plus company on chag. I cook for an army.
When we go anywhere, I always make sure there's food at home for my family, my kids are always hungry.

My kids don't like MIL's food - I always bring a dish or 2 when we go there. My kids will also eat at home before we go.

amother

Molasses

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 9:26 am

Bring along food. That's what my kids do. They always claim that it was in the fridge and would only spoil before they got back home or that one child or another is on a food jag and will eat only ______ and _____, but I suspect they just want to make sure there will be enough quantity and variety to go around.

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 9:35 am

Bring along food, she'll be so embarrassed if you say there wasn't enough!!

I'm sure she'll say you don't need to but she'll appreciate the help.

Make excuses and always bring her something!

You also never know, food went up so much they may be experiencing hardships and still look like they aren't.

amother

Babyblue

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 9:43 am

This is why we always always plate the food. If we have 8 people by the table or 25, still always plated. Like this you can divide based on how much you have available ( less of 1 side, more of the other etc). Of course we always plate In quantities we expect to have leftovers.

watergirl

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 9:56 am

hodeez wrote:

Where are the husbands? Can't he just say "ma there's not enough food" to her privately?

My neighbor never ever makes enough - she could be OP’s MIL. If her husband or son (or me) tells her its not enough, she insists it’s plenty and that people should not take so much. She wont change. When I bring a dish to share, she serves part of it and puts the rest away.

amother

Forsythia

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 10:02 am

My mil is like this, her kids wont say anything to her.

She's very well meaning but doesn't know how to serve a small crowd. She is very much not a math brain so she doesn't calculate if there will be enough, she just assumes that if she has x amount of this food and x amount of that food, there surely should be enough. But if she sat and calculated, she would realize that 2 mini potatoes per person is not enough.

I always bring food. But I don't tell her before or else she will prepare even less food, cheshboning in what I made. I just bring it along and say that I made this great dish and wanted to bring it or something like that.

It's a very big problem, specifically because of the kids.

amother

Molasses

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 10:13 am

amother Babyblue wrote:

This is why we always always plate the food.

That's convenient for you but doesn't solve the problem if the portions dished out are too small to satisfy. I personally hate when food arrives plated. Maybe I don't want a whole chicken leg. Maybe I don't want the kishke at all. But there it is on my plate and I either eat it or it goes in the trash. Haven't you people ever heard of bal tashchis?

amother

Cyclamen

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 10:17 am

My in-laws don't serve any main dish Friday night. They have fish and dips, which I don't like and most of my kids don't like, then soup- and the pot is empty after we each get a small bowlful- and their meal is over. If we are there for a YT, I make my own chicken in my mil's kitchen. She knows I am used to having a main course, but she's not used to making one so she doesn't.

amother

IndianRed

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 10:23 am

Just mention to her that it’s soooo much work to prepare YT for so many ppl.
It’s so wonderful of you to want to host us so often.
I wish I could do that for my kids when they are married
BTW- how do you figure out how much to make.
I also don’t like leftovers , so how much should I make for a big crowd
Oooh, really is that enough? Is anyone going to stay hungry? I noticed my kids have bigger appetites as they are growing.
It’s so much work for you, and I greatly appreciate it
Can I bring anything next time?
Maybe some sides?

Also feed your kids before you go

amother

Slateblue

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 10:27 am

watergirl wrote:

That’s so weird. I would bring it in a pretty bowl or serving dish and just bring the whole thing to the table without asking her.

amother

Cantaloupe

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 10:31 am

Sounds like she is having trouble keeping up feeding a large family and crowd. So nice of her to host and work so hard. Bring additions to the seudah. She will be happy. And so will you all.

Bnei Berak 10

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 10:38 am

watergirl wrote:

Does she eat very little herself? Why does it out it away? Why?