Should a 4 y/o understand the concept of milchigs/fleishigs

amother

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 8:20 pm

My 4 year old doesn't get it that after eating chicken or other fleshing food he can't have a yogurt immediately after. I tried explaining that he has to wait but he says he's not fleishigs . Should I just let him eat meat and dairy without waiting even a little? It's a fight every time and I usually give in because he doesn't seem to understand

amother

Crimson

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 8:24 pm

We actually asked a sheila about this when being in the situation with our 4 year old. We were told that technically, they're still allowed to eat without waiting. But for chinuch purposes, we should explain to them and try to have them wait at least and hour.

amother

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 8:26 pm

mfb wrote:

No. They have no concept of time yet

I get it but then my mother or sisters who see me letting him are always criticizing me for letting and only when I'm home with no company do I let him eat whatever whenever. What do I tell my family that I don't believe I have to force him to wait?

amother

Blush

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 8:29 pm

I don't make my 4 yr old wait. I have him wash hands and eat something in between and I tell him it's because we can't mix meat and milk. Zehu. He will wait when it is age appropriate. 4 is too young for them to understand you r not accomplishing anything accept he will have negative feelings about yidishekit

Ema of 5

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 8:29 pm

amother OP wrote:

Get guidance from your rav before it happens again, and then next time you can tell them “we are following what our rav told us to do.”
I don’t think you need to force him to wait, but I also don’t think it needs to be immediately after. How soon after eating meat are we talking? As soon as he finishes? 5 minutes? 10-15? 30?

amother

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 8:31 pm

Ema of 5 wrote:

Can be 5 min after or 30, always different.

amother

cornflower

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 8:33 pm

At that age it's normal to wait like an hour, doesn't have to be the full time of whatever your minhag is. There should be some waiting, at least long enough for them to realize they waited so that they get the idea.

Ema of 5

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 8:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

Can be 5 min after or 30, always different.

Definitely speak to your rav. Personally, I would not give right away. I would wait at least half an hour. Distracting is an awesome tool at that age- books, games, toys….

rgr

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 8:37 pm

For those saying an hour that seems like an awful long time for a four year old

ETA I would aim to wait an hour if it works, but if their putting up a fuss, waiting 20 min feels .like an hour to a 4 year old

Last edited by rgr on Tue, Oct 24 2023, 8:45 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Violet

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 8:42 pm

My 4 year old has the concept of not eating them together and can even know which dishes to take, but can't understand time enough for waiting. Our rule is from milk to meat she needs to wash and eat something else, and after meat it can't be the same meal, she has to go play something first. If she's played and comes back still asking for a yogurt she gets it.

amother

Holly

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 10:08 pm

I buy pareve yogurts that my 4 year old knows he can’t have the dairy ones after meat. We have the soy yogurts or the ones made with coconut milk.

amother

Crimson

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 10:11 pm

rgr wrote:

We try to aim for an hour, but it's sometimes closer to 1/2 an hour.

amother

Lavender

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 10:26 pm

So interesting. Once my child understood the difference of which foods are dairy and which are meat I had him wait the same time I do. I never even thought to ask a rav about it. Is that a problem

amother

DarkMagenta

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 10:39 pm

amother Lavender wrote:

So interesting. Once my child understood the difference of which foods are dairy and which are meat I had him wait the same time I do. I never even thought to ask a rav about it. Is that a problem

I do the same, we just divert him to the different parve-fleishig options we have available.
This week we ate our cholent late, so I did allow earlier (5.5 hours), right after havdalah, and it was past bedtime and only wanted cereal and milk.

amother

Clear

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 10:42 pm

I think at 4 he probably understands more than you think he does. I’m not saying that means he needs to wait, just that the concept of you can’t have a certain food right now should not be totally
Foreign to him.
If my 4 year old wants shabbos cereal and it’s Tuesday I tell him we’re not having that today. If he wants a snack and I’m serving supper I tell him it’s not snack time, save it for after supper. So I don’t see why you can’t just tell him it’s not yogurt time for a little while bec we just had fleishigs.
He shouldn’t be traumatized by that if he knows that he can’t always have what foods he wants when he wants them.

amother

Oak

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 11:01 pm

amother Clear wrote:

Agreed, my kids definitely understand by 4 years old. We hold that you don't need to wait the full time but we usually do anyway just because that's how our house runs. But four years old definitely understands

amother

Carnation

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 1:52 am

Why does he need yogurt right after chicken? It's a normal expectation for a four year old to not need a meal right after another meal. Make sure there are enough options at the meal to fill him up.
My 2 year old understands that we have different cups and cutlery for dairy and meat (hers are pink and blue). I won't give her dairy right after meat. We wait as many hours as the age- 2 hours for a 2 year old, 4 hours for a 4 year old- which works fine. I anyways don't give meals/snacks that close together.

Brit in Israel

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 2:59 am

We got a book about nit eating milk and meat together, by 3 they understood, and would wait at least 30 mins.

Growing up my family minhag was 3 hrs wait. Which we only took on once Bar/bas Mitzvah, before that was 1hr
I'm not expecting my kids until probably around 9 to have to wait 6 hrs. 3 hrs is long enough for them to understand we have to wait, they know now at 6 & 4, that adults wait longer.
They finish eating fleishigs for lunch around 2, it will mean no dairy suppers if having to wait so long.