What does it mean if my house is listed under a trust fund?

amother

Bronze

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 10:35 pm

amother Steelblue wrote:

I'm not amother Bronze but it sounds like the trust only allows her relative to live in the house, this is called a life estate. And that the step-children are the future beneficiaries of the trust principle, which means the sale proceeds, if her relative moves, go to them.

Exactly. She is not a beneficiary .

And even if you get a third or whatever it may not be enough to cover something smaller depending on location etc.

amother

Steelblue

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 10:40 pm

amother OP wrote:

I think I do know who the trustee is. It’s a relative. He must have done it this way to make sure his other children would be beneficiaries of the house.
I think that what must have changed was that since his name was the only one listed on deed, the probate law would have entitled me to the house after his death (I think). Now he set it up with terms for me to be able to stay, move to another house if I want and whatever is left goes to his other children.
I guess if I move then I leave that house to our children.
I wonder what happens if I want to move and there are no profits from the sale? Would I still be able to move? It’s probably assumed that moving means downsizing and would cost less but what if I would move to an expensive property in an expensive neighborhood?
I’m not dealing with this situation now so it probably doesn’t really matter…

OP, I am thinking worst case scenario here. You are assuming he left you some interest in the house, such as a right to live in it. But you don't know what you don't know.

I would suggest that if you can't either find a copy of the docs yourself or convince dh to show them to you, (and let you make a copy so you can review them with an attorney of your own), that you go straight to consulting with an attorney of your own. These things are way easier to fix now while everyone is around and in their right mind.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 11:21 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thank you
This is a very sensitive subject and he gets very upset when I bring it up.
It’s as if I’m waiting for him to die and take whatever I can. This is far from the truth but whenever I bring this topic up he becomes very upset and tells me that he left me everything in his will.
I did see the will for a few seconds when he put it in front of me and told me to sign it. I didn’t understand a lot because of the legal language. It did mention most of what I wrote above but it did include his other children (all married) which I do understand. He claims he had to do things this way because he doesn’t think I would be generous with his other kids. He might be right- who knows??
When my father died I didn’t get anything. My mother did. She was able to buy things generously for her kids and grandchildren with the life insurance money. I wonder if I would specifically give his other children anything as they are married and most are well to do of their own accord. We are not wealthy but not poor either…
No, I’m not planning for his death Chas vshalom… just trying to figure things out now.
And we have our own kids together so obviously that’s something important to plan for. He does have life insurance but even though his life insurance says I should get x amount, he also designated x amount for his other kids. Not sure if this is the norm in a situation like this. His house and life insurance he wants to split between me and our kids and also his other kids.
Will I resent him for this if he goes first?

I think its basic mentchlechkeit that he cares about all his children. Would you want him to cut his own children from his will? Avraham Avinu left gifts to all his biological children so its a middah we should emulate.
Dont forget by Halacha, his eldest gets double portion.

Since he bought and owns the house that you are living in and if something happened to him, you would not be asked to leave, then be thankful for the roof over your head.
If this really bothers you, can you ask him to add your name to the house deed?
Are you a SAHM and supporting him that way so you are dependent on him financially?

It sounds like you want his will to favor you and your children and less so his other children.

It sounds like you already resent him for this.

Please speak to a Rav or therapist to work out these feelings before they affect your marriage.

amother

Ballota

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 11:43 pm

amother OP wrote:

What if you signed something that says half the value of the house goes to his kids? Then you wouldn’t be able to buy something comparable to where you are now.

He’s not letting you see what you signed, so he could have written anything there.

amother

Ballota

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 11:44 pm

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

It sounds to me like she simply wants to know what’s going on. And she should know. It’s her life too.

Cheiny

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 11:52 pm

amother OP wrote:

It sounds like he might be gaslighting you by getting upset at your inquiries (your right!) about how he left things in the will and regarding the house, so that you won’t ask about it any more or expect to find out how he arranged things.

Do not let him manipulate you into not pursuing this. It’s too important. Just tell him that while it’s an unpleasant thing to have to face, it’s still the responsible thing for you to be aware of what exactly he has arranged. You don’t want any unpleasant surprises at any point.

amother

Dandelion

Mon, Nov 13 2023, 12:10 am

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

What in the world are you talking about. Where is she wanting him to cut his kids out of the will or do less by them?? Where are you reading that at all?

She wants to be able to live her lifestyle after he passes. This is a normal desire.

She was with him young enough and long enough to have children with him and she should be "happy for a roof over her head"?

What are you smoking?

Yes. Today, even in halachik wills, Most peoples wills favor the surviving spouse/parent who may spend down assets as they continue ti live their lifestyle. This leaves less for the yerusha. Thats how it goes. Usually the surviving spouse is also the parent so all is good.
After both parents pass it is split among the kids.

And pi shnayim? Really. Youre harping on this. No body does that in the double inheritance form today.

Op was married youngish to this person. She had children with him. She deseves to feel secure in her old age and not be nervouse that she will be constrained due to the will.....and yes, it may reduce the yerusha to the next dor. Even if they need to wait longer ti fet the yerusha.

[I would look differently at this if thd remarriage happened after they raised their children].

It normal for op, and right for op, to feel secure in her old age, and to feel secuere now about that. This should be simple. Her dh should show her the will and trust so she knows whats going on.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Mon, Nov 13 2023, 12:52 am

Cheiny wrote:

It’s not a good sign when only the husband’s name is on the house, to start with.

This I agree with. The house should be in both names with all children sharing the proceeds after both are no longer here

Until then, even if he writes her dream will, he can go later and change it. I know a Mother who was blackmailed into signing a will favoring one child. She was invited back to the lawyers to write new will favoring all children equally.
I sense there is a deeper issue here.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Mon, Nov 13 2023, 12:59 am

amother Dandelion wrote:

I find it strange that only the children of his first marriage are listed in trust and not their children , or hers from her first if she has....
Something tells me there is more here that we don't know.
Of course she deserves to feel secure. I assume there was no prenup....
I assume he thinks he has to protect his children's interests....the question is why?

amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, Nov 13 2023, 4:43 am

Well somewhere upthread, I believe OP said her husband's kids are all married and wealthy. So it sounds like she very much might want to give them less. So her husband probably has a point there. But this should still be discussed. He can want to give just as much to his other kids and tell her that and do that. And imo she should say okay. When someone is niftar, I don't think they typically leave more to those who have less. But what else does it say?? That's what he should be openly sharing with his wife.

amother

Lilac

Mon, Nov 13 2023, 5:37 am

Very tricky
Can you just tell him you understand it is his right to do things as he wishes however you want to know what are the provisions and security made for you?
And your kids together?
That you understand his providing for his kids from previous marriage but don’t want any avoidable surprises at what would be a time of intense grief?
If he is a decent guy and you trust him and he refuses to go with you to attorney then you can make the decision to accept that and daven for only good
Not simple

amother

Lilac

Mon, Nov 13 2023, 5:40 am

Sounds like he did tell you the truth
He did it because he is concerned you wouldn’t make provisions for his previous children
Only you know your context and history
Also he does not want to be badgered about changing it hence his privacy seeemingly
And whether or not they are set up and in good shape he may still choose to give them yerusha in the form of the house assets
Everyone does make different decisions
Some do equal no matter what
Some give more to those who have less etc
Emotional component too

amother

Steelblue

Mon, Nov 13 2023, 10:20 am

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

Assumptions. He might have not even left her a roof over her head. She can't know until she reads the document. Could be she lived in the house together with him for 20+ years.