I was patched as a kid. I patch as a mom. AMA response pg10

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Nov 20 2023, 6:41 pm

amother OP wrote:

I get asked that all the time. How do I get my kids to listen to me.
From when they are about 18months I train them, with love. I teach them that I’m their mommy and Hashem gave me the job of taking care of you, making sure your safe and it’s your job to listen. And we practice. Again and again. And yes they test. And then I put them in quiet time and practice again when they are ready. And I reward them when they are doing well. They love it bc it’s a game. But then for real life they were trained.

They know they can always ask politely if it doesn’t work for them. Like if I tell them to come they can say, mommy I know you wanted me to come- I’m in the middle of a game, is that ok? As long as they are respectful they can def have their own wants met too.

Question: How old are the children you hit? Pls promise promise me it's nowhere near 18 months old

amother

Nasturtium

Mon, Nov 20 2023, 7:23 pm

Giraffe wrote:

Sure you can send the name of the person who helped you but do keep in mind that I had bad experience with therapy since it was shoved down my throat as a teen. It was just to force me to talk for the sake of talking. It worsened my relationship with my parents as a result of wrong lessons and advise and I do not like the idea of therapy to heal from therapy. I have tons of resentment with therapy in general.

I had to do tons of pulling myself by the bootstraps to get where I am today no thanks to the so called help.

This aggressive part got activated from this thread. Don’t worry it could fade back into the background.

Make a promise that you don’t hit. Renew it week by week.

If you hit donate a certain amount to tzeddaka.

Channel your violence towards those that hit you. Not at vulnerable kids. (Take a karate class and imagine fighting back your parents)

Joint a twelve step program. Seriously it all about learning to step away from a dependence and learn to self regulate.

Reward yourself each week you didn’t hit.

seltzermom

Mon, Nov 20 2023, 7:26 pm

Can I just say that obedience is overrated. I personally like my kids to have a little chutzpah in them. Maybe it makes life a little harder for me but I think they are more confident and alive!

I focus rather on kindness. Not forced kindness. But just from experiencing compassion to sharing compassion.

Also I respect my own limits. This way I can say no to something that feels like a No to me. But I never need my kids to show compliance like soldiers. That’s overkill in my opinion.

Giraffe

Mon, Nov 20 2023, 7:38 pm

amother Nasturtium wrote:

Surprisingly I have not hit for a while, maybe over a year or two.

When I was studying for my LCSW (yes I know before I got jaded) there was a tutorial question that asked about which household has the most likely chance of child abuse. And the correct answer which I was surprised that got published was in a single mother household. How politically incorrect to bring up. And this was a recent test from around 2022.

Which makes sense. The mother is stressed enough so has to basically whip the child into obedience.

And there is statistics showing that fatherless households have the likely chance the child will be a delinquent, do crimes, get arrested.

Hitting in of itself does not prevent society from going south. Can even teach the kids that might makes right and therefore violent crimes.

amother

Geranium

Mon, Nov 20 2023, 8:01 pm

seltzermom wrote:

Yup