Plz help me with professional email to decline a team lunch

amother

Camellia

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 3:46 pm

like singleagain said - what if? as someone who worked for many years as the only frum jew for a large corporation, they did this, and paid a lot of money to have a fancy place cater it and deliver.

and you can't say due to lack of childcare unless there are truly extenuating circumstances - and even then, when you can pick the date, it's hard.

Unless you are last minute unexpectedly unavailable on the date they schedule it for, or unless you can do something like work to cover the rest of the team at that time, it's tough.

amother

NeonBlue

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 3:54 pm

amother OP wrote:

I don’t think he knows abt orthodox or kosher, not sure what he thinks, my previous managers all knew abt it. But honestly I decided yrs ago not to go out to eat w co-workers anymore after a bad experience. How does the following sound?

Thank you so much for the kind invitation! Unfortunately, I can’t attend, but I hope everyone has a great time!

I am so touched that you would like to celebrate our successes and to give thanks for our hard work. Your appreciation is heartfelt.

Unfortunately I can not attend an out of office lunch. If there's any way we can order in to the office and book a conference room, I would love to order my own kosher food and join in the celebration!

amother

Tiffanyblue

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 4:15 pm

Honestly I'd just go.. It doesn't sound like a social occasion, it sounds like a professional lunch, if it's during the workday and for team building purposes. I think you'd do yourself a disservice career-wise by skipping out with a bad excuse, as long they can get kosher food. Maybe ask your Rav?

amother

DarkYellow

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 4:21 pm

Thank you so much for the kind invitation! I appreciate you were thinking of me. Due to religious principles however I prefer not to partake in social outings outside of the office. Thank you again for having me in mind.

listenhere

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 4:24 pm

I think all of these options that don’t lie are good enough.

If they ask you about it further you can explain that you set it as a boundary for yourself after a bad experience.

The key is to tell the truth, and be kind but confident. You aren’t doing anything wrong. People will and should respect your strength.

imasinger

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 4:48 pm

Anything with complexity is perhaps better handled with a phone call or meeting with the boss.

If there's pushback -- "it's important to do team building", it would be helpful to have a compromise you could live with. Perhaps you'd bring your own mug of tea or coffee? Perhaps you'd stay just a short time? Perhaps ordering in kosher takeout would work?

amother

Mistyrose

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 4:50 pm

amother OP wrote:

This doesn't seem professional.

amother

Glitter

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 5:10 pm

My dh has only worked in non Jewish places our whole marriage and plenty of times they ordered kosher food for him or possibly just ordered kosher for everyone, we have a local kosher restaurant that has primarily non Jewish clientele. I wouldn't assume that they wouldn't try to accommodate especially with such a small group

cbsp

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 5:23 pm

amother Glitter wrote:

I just listened to a Rabbi Reisman shiur discussing this issue. He said he gets to hear all shaylos after the fact and if it were up to him he'd advise never to accept accommodations, because things don't always do according to plan and then what... For example, they order kosher food from the restaurant that was acceptable to the previous Jewish employee but not you. Or they order from the restaurant that you suggested but it comes unsealed... Or it does come sealed but the office staff takes the liberty to unpack and plate it nicely - go explain why you can't eat it now!

Or more humorously, as happened to my relatives, they paid for a really expensive celebratory dinner and gave the name of an acceptable, fancy kosher steakhouse for the coordinator to order their portions. They show up expecting a real treat. Instead the coordinator tried showing how culturally sensitive he could be - when ordering he asked for their most ethnic food. All the other attendees enjoyed their steak while my relatives were served cholent.