Someone who keeps asking for tzedakah

anotherone

Sun, Dec 17 2023, 6:31 pm

malky800 wrote:

I am a rebbetzin in a small community

There is a family that is struggling financially. The father doesn't have a high paying job, the mother babysits.
I happen to be privy to information that every yomtov they get money from ani irchei, which I am sure vets them carefully.

The mother is very fragile emotionally also and she tells me she needed to get away for a bit so she flew on vacation somewhere for a few days her kids over chanuka.

I am sure some person paid for her trip.
Possibly her husband's friend who takes good care of them if they ask.

Now she comes to me and tells me she can't pay me 50$ for the monthly carpool that I take her kids to school, can I fagin this month?

I understand the situation that sometimes even poor people need a break. But I can't get past that she owes me money while she took a vacation. Take care of what you owe and then I'll be more than happy you got a break.

( this is not a one time story. This happens multiple times a year)

I'm sure this deserves a double take story in the mishpacha. How else can I just get myself to accept and get past this?

. I think if you are rebetzin in small community,you can identify yourself, as was said above. And the recipient.

I try to do a lot of chesed (really enjoy doing chesed), but when it affects me emotionally, I try to step away from the triggering parts and do it differently. Example - we give someone $, and the recepient shared with us how he will buy his wife a sheitel (she is a sahm, I am a working person, I didnt get any significant gift from husband for a long time and his words make me jealous about it,I start ruminating how she stays at home and I go to work, etc) I step away from information -I don't listen what they used the $ for next time. I don't want to be emotionally triggered from my chesed, and sometimes it happens, all people have emotions. But usually trigger indicates my unfulfilled needs -do you also need to get a break and go somewhere?

Also once a person who is a huge baal chesed, told me( when asking advice about how to do chesed) -if you can't do it(emotionally), you don't do it, once it becomes a burden for you. A part to consider-maaser ,in my mind, is Hashem's, not mine. I don't care what it is used for, it's not my money. Ask if it can be maaser.

This situation reminds me threads about people living luxury on tzedakah. I can only tell you that one thing you can remind yourself is that BH you are a healthy person, and you can give. I have a bed ridden friend with fatal disease....I praise Hashem every time I think about her. Baruch Hashem we can give, we have our dignity, we don't need to ask. She might have struggles (aka mental pain) you don't have every day -a blessing in itself already. She put you on a spot a little with her request, it's really up to you to decide -you can be a larger person, or, if you feel taken advantage of, you just can say no (I will feel guilty, but would also ask a Rav). Carpool is something I won't do even for $100/month, it's obligation in itself. What would happen if you will say that you don't want to do carpool in general? Does she drive any share of it? Will she find other way to get her kids out?

Last edited by anotherone on Sun, Dec 17 2023, 6:50 pm; edited 6 times in total