Online group etiquette rant

amother

Hydrangea

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 3:14 pm

amother OP wrote:

It's on Zoom, so there I am!

Depending on how many people they are on screen, it isn't always so easy to see when new people join. Or if you have it on speaker view, you will only see the person speaking, so wouldn't see other people.

amother

Thistle

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 3:15 pm

amother OP wrote:

Others seem to differ, but I still think there's something not quite right about the combination of starting early, when others may not be able to make it, and then failing to greet them when they come at the actual time that has been set.

If early means 5 minutes then there's nothing you can do, just jump in to the discussion whenever you're on. 5 minutes usually doesn't make it or break it in terms of how deep the discussion got.
I hear your frustrations about not being greeted, are you announcing your presence or waiting to be acknowledged?

amother

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 3:40 pm

amother Hydrangea wrote:

There were 3 people there.

amother

Lightblue

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 3:44 pm

amother OP wrote:

That's a good idea, although I have a tight schedule. Probably best to accept that that's how they are and I tend to do things differently.
It's funny, though, that the current coordinator has a tendency to criticize people's behaviors!

Sorry OP, I agreed with you fully at the beginning. Now I don't agree at all.

If the point of the group is to chat, then chatting will start whenever two people come on. It's quite socially off to say "Let's remain silent until 9am."

Perhaps the rule that needs to be made is that no one can login earlier than 2-3 minutes before 9 to give everyone a chance to get in on the convo.

singleagain

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 4:04 pm

amother Lightblue wrote:

Yes this is what I was thinking. How exactly is this group set up to work?

For instance, I help rent a support group on Tuesdays. There is a waiting room which people can join if they come before the start time and then at or sometimes a minute or two after the start time I will open up the group. If I'm running a little bit late I will usually put a note in the waiting room. Will start in a few minutes

And then the group is run in a very specific manner giving each person a turn to speak

If this is a more casual thing then either there needs to be a waiting room until 9:00 exactly or you have to accept that. Sometimes people show up early to a thing.

And if you want recognition you should ask the person in charge to set it up that a chime will ring when you enter.

amother

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 4:08 pm

singleagain wrote:

If this is a more casual thing then there needs to be a waiting room until 9:00.

Exactly. When I run the group (which I do every few weeks) I have a waiting room. At 9:00 I let everybody in. It works very smoothly.

singleagain

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 4:21 pm

amother OP wrote:

Exactly. When I run the group (which I do every few weeks) I have a waiting room. At 9:00 I let everybody in. It works very smoothly.

So it really sounds to me like this is an issue of the way you run it versus the way someone else is running it because someone else doesn't mind if people show up early

Perhaps the other person who runs the group logs in and sees that people are already there at 8:50 and decides to start early.

So if that's the issue then you need to discuss it with the other person who runs the group. However, they may say well, I'm running the group. I'm going to start it the way I want to start it and then you'll just have to learn to accept it.

Although it may be a bit rude not being acknowledged and I understand how that can hurt, so if that bothers you you can bring it up in the group.

amother

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 4:32 pm

singleagain wrote:

Although it may be a bit rude not being acknowledged and I understand how that can hurt, so if that bothers you you can bring it up in the group.

Thanks. I think it's probably best to just leave it alone. People feel differently and do things differently, and as you say, it's best to accept that (unless it's something serious and major, which this clearly is not).

singleagain

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 4:36 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yeah and especially groups like this tend to evolve and change as they go. So just because it started out one way, it doesn't mean that it's going to continue that way. And sometimes that's hard to accept.

Golde

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 4:38 pm

When you meet for lunch, as you said you do sometimes, does it also bother you if people show up early and start to chat to eachother?
I'm not trying to be snarky, just trying to understand where you're coming from

amother

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 4:48 pm

Golde wrote:

If you're not trying to be snarky, you're doing a very good imitation of someone who is!

amother

Peachpuff

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 5:20 pm

Golde wrote:

I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to.
Your way of thinking is new to me.

I agree with you.
I have a zoom meeting which we learn a Sefer and have growth oriented discussions. That’s very different than a social call.
The whole- everyone should acknowledge me when I join and no one may talk or join earlier than 9 am- is socially off and rigid to me. When there are rules to casual social interactions, it’s not a casual social interaction anymore