PSA: If you're at a simcha & you get a call/text

amother

NeonYellow

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 8:11 am

amother OP wrote:

That your baby/toddler is crying for hours & is refusing to sleep, please go pick them up! Even if it's a close wedding!
It's 3 AM. I let parents know 3 hours ago that their child is refusing to sleep, & they didn't leave the wedding right then. I'm so so annoyed. The kid is still awake & parents aren't here yet.
(They're supposed to pick him up after the wedding. Chassidish wedding with mitzvah tanz.)

You're 100% right!
Op didn't say they should leave the wedding, she said they should come pick up their child.
Personally I would be mortified if my good friend was staying up until 3am because I was having fun at a wedding. If your baby is not sleeping, unless wedding is oot and very far away, you go pick baby up. You miss a little bit of the wedding so they can sleep.
If wedding is far away you make alternate arrangements or come home.
Yeah it's annoying but your baby is your responsibility!!! Sometimes it's annoying to take care of kids!

amother

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 8:11 am

tweety1 wrote:

So it depends where the babysitter is located. If the babysitter is located in the same town I always had dh pick the baby and bring her to me. In a different town it's complicated. I've had 2 kids in pj's by mitzvah tantz already.

Same here. Though I think this whole thing that aunts/uncles are expected to stay till after mitzvah tanz, is absolutely absurd & out of hand. It's not normal.

amother

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 8:13 am

DrMom wrote:

They didn't "leave a kid crying." They left their child with a babysitter. A babysitter is expected to be able to deal with a crying child.

I babysat before -- I never called the parents and interrupted their evening unless it was an emergency.

I'm not a babysitter. I was doing someone in a bind, a favor. I did not want to agree with this. The wedding was essentially over. It was fine to leave by then.

amother

Molasses

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 8:15 am

I think it also depends who you are. I can see people not rushing to pick up from grandparents or siblings. But if you are a neighbor or something then would make sense to go quicker. Also did you say I need you to come get him now or did you just inform them he was up? And what was the plan they were leaving him overnight or coming to wake everyone up at 3 after the wedding?

amother

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 8:15 am

amother Chestnut wrote:

Sorry but why do you think the kid was crying for several hours? She said she texted that he was refusing to go to sleep, I’m sure there was crying involved in him wanting to stay up but I doubt he was crying the entire night

He went back & forth from shreiking & waking my kids, to running around hyper.

amother

Chestnut

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 8:16 am

amother NeonYellow wrote:

Going to pick them up is leaving the wedding, and she did say she was annoyed that they didn’t leave right when she texted them

I totally agree with the bolded, but that falls on OP as she was the one babysitting. Sometimes it’s annoying to take care of kids.

Unless it was an emergency, it was her responsibility for the duration of the wedding as she was the babysitter. Favor or paid, it was her decision to babysit and she made a commitment. Trying to back out in middle because it’s harder than she expected is not really fair.

amother

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 8:16 am

amother Molasses wrote:

It's a sibling. By 1:00 I asked them if they can please leave already to come get him.
The plan was for them to let themselves in & pick up the kid after the wedding.

DrMom

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 8:17 am

amother OP wrote:

I'm not a babysitter. I was doing someone in a bind, a favor. I did not want to agree with this. The wedding was essentially over. It was fine to leave by then.

If you agreed to babysit -- whether you wanted to or not -- then you are a babysitter by definition and this is part of your responsibility.

If you can't soothe a crying baby, don't agree to babysit for one.

amother

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 8:17 am

amother Chestnut wrote:

I'm sorry, but leaving at 1:00 is not "leaving the wedding." The wedding is over. Young aunts staying for mitzvah tanz, is beyond ridiculous. Other aunts left. They didn't want to leave.

amother

Chestnut

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 8:18 am

amother OP wrote:

I'm not a babysitter. I was doing someone in a bind, a favor. I did not want to agree with this. The wedding was essentially over. It was fine to leave by then.

Professional babysitter or not, you agreed to babysit. If you didn’t want to agree, you shouldn’t have.

amother

Anemone

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 8:19 am

amother Tomato wrote:

Chassidish weddings often go till 2/3/4

How on earth do people function like this? And with large families there must be frequent weddings to attend. I haven't stayed out that late since my college days. Midnight I turn into a pumpkin.

OP, I'm with you. I can't imagine anything going on that would be important enough to leave my baby shrieking for hours other than a true emergency. Unless the messages were not going through and they just didn't know - no excuse. Shame on them!

amother

Chambray

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 8:19 am

amother OP wrote:

He went back & forth from shreiking & waking my kids, to running around hyper.

Could be they gave him something to make him sleepy and it backfired?
Totally not ok, we'll assume the wife doesn't drive but the husband should've come.

amother

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 8:19 am

DrMom wrote:

I disagree. I agreed after being pushed to the wall with promises that the baby sleeps through the night. The least they can do is come get them when they know that he's been keeping me up.
I can soothe a crying baby bh. But this was just an hysterical hyper toddler that was only quiet if he was pushed in the stroller. For hours.

DrMom

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 8:20 am

amother OP wrote:

I'm sorry, but leaving at 1:00 is not "leaving the wedding." The wedding is over. Young aunts staying for mitzvah tanz, is beyond ridiculous. Other aunts left. They didn't want to leave.

I think you and the parents of the baby should have discussed ahead of time when they'd be expected home.

amother

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 8:20 am

amother Anemone wrote:

How on earth do people function like this? And with large families there must be frequent weddings to attend. I haven't stayed out that late since my college days. Midnight I turn into a pumpkin.

I agree that it's absurd & out of hand.

amother

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 8:21 am

DrMom wrote:

I think you and the parents of the baby should have discussed ahead of time when they'd be expected home.

We discussed that he'd be sleeping through the night no problem & that they'd come get him after the wedding. (2:30-3:00). But this was assuming that he was sleeping & not shreiking & being up.
(I don't know why you're trying so desperately to make me in to the "bad guy".)

amother

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 8:23 am

amother Chestnut wrote:

Professional babysitter or not, you agreed to babysit. If you didn’t want to agree, you shouldn’t have.

I agreed to babysit with the assumption the he sleeps through the night. It's just rude to keep someone that's doing you a favor, up till after 3AM.

amother

DarkYellow

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 8:24 am

OP, I completely agree with you.

I'm astounded that everyone else doesn't.

In what world is it normal to leave your child crying for hours while you enjoy yourself at a wedding?

Even if it was a sibling wedding, I would have gone to pick up my kid and taken him back with me.

freilich

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 8:24 am

amother Chestnut wrote:

Professional babysitter or not, you agreed to babysit. If you didn’t want to agree, you shouldn’t have.

she didn't agree. She was forced into doing someone a favor and that person knew it. They absolutely should of left the wedding. They could of gone back with toddler in tow or go home. Either would of been acceptable for a chassidish wedding.

OP, I understand you. But perhaps you can be Dan lekaf zechus, maybe the husband refused to leave, or the parents gave them attitude for leaving.

amother

Ecru

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 8:26 am

DrMom wrote:

I think you and the parents of the baby should have discussed ahead of time when they'd be expected home.

Im with OP. The mitzva tanz is not part of the essential wedding. Many folks pay for babysitters till after benching then pick uo their babies and bring them to the mitzvah tanz.

This wasnt a siblings wedding or a child's. OP could have picked up the baby and returned to the mitzvah tanz and no one would have been the wiser. This would have been the proper way of handling it, especially since OP didnt want to babysit and was cajoled into doing it as a favor with the promise that the baby will sleep.

The mother just wanted to enjoy herself on someone else's account. My guess is that if she would have shelled out money for a babysitter, she would have only paid till benching and then brought the child to the mitzvah tanz. Sounds like she was just taking advantage of someone.