I hate being poor here

little neshamala

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 12:27 pm

amother OP wrote:

I feel like I don’t belong. (This can probably apply to any Jewish neighborhood)
I go into the fancy stores and immediately feel out of place and lose my confidence. It seems like they can sense I’m not cool enough and can’t afford 95% of the things available.
I hate going to the grocery and calculating all the prices while people around me pile in the $150 roasts. I hate that I can’t afford any house and that I’ll have to wait forever or maybe never to truly afford a house. I hate not being able to buy my kids clothing in the “regular” local stores. I hate that my girls can’t advance in skills because I don’t have time and can’t afford the clubs. My kids just want the normal stretchies for the baby.
I hate feeling poor in a place where it seems is made for not poor people.

I’m venting. I know I can move somewhere , but it’s hard to take my old enough girls and move them to a new school, let alone find jobs for both of us

I think whats compounding your problem is that you seem to think everyone who can afford it goes to the "regular frum clothing stores" because wveryone wants to, and if you dont shop there its because you dont have the money. That everyone puts on "normal stretchies" on the baby, and enrolls their kids in clubs, and if they dont its because they cant afford it.

BH I can afford to shop in the frum clothing stores but I dont. My lip curls when I see the prices and the pressure people put themselves under and I simply dont want to be a part of it. I also want to teach my children differently. (Chalk it up to growing up dirt poor and developing a disdain for this sort of thing).
My kids and I proudly dont shop there, and we proudly put the baby in adorable stretchies from Carter and Target (they have a very sweet looking line). For the most part my children are not enrolled in clubs, and we focus on a lot of self-teaching-buy cheap art supplies from amazing savings or wherever and watch a how-to paint video. Its incredible what my kids have learned...
And again, BH I can afford to spend the money. Im just not sure its all that necessary.
That sort of thing.
If you try to reframe your mind that you dont actually want those things to begin with, it wont hurt as much when you dont have them.

amother

Peru

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 12:50 pm

OP Im guessing this is more a vent about not enjoying to feel tighter on the budget then others around you then about the specifics.
Because honestly these details are choices.
I BH currently am comfortable but we chose to move out of town from Brooklyn because I dont believe in spending that price for a house. I buy end of season sales for really low prices, just shopped at buttons bebe, Ele Elle and Lily and todd for next season online, top quality clothing for up to $20 a piece. I can afford buying new current season stuff but why in the world would I choose to spend my money to impress others? Yes I like my kids to look cute, dressed with good quality and good fit, so I buy end of season for next year when the prices are almost lower then buying in target.
I can buy many roasts but why would I? its not healthy to eat red meat every day. For shabbos I do buy the best because I was brought up with the concept of spending for shabbos is an investment, you get back double- I've literally witnessed that.
I always find footies for good prices. I just bought at the Hush.shop online for around $14 a piece on sale, from this past season comfy beautiful stuff that other stores are selling now for $25-$35 https://hush.shop/collections/.....age=1
I am in no way being stingy, yes I do sometimes splurge on stuff others might not, like restaurants etc. but you dont have to be rich to dress your kids beautifully and feel your family healthy meals and whatever else. Some people have a real problem. they max out credit card as a shopping addict with no way of paying for it. BH your a responsible adult who does not do that, dont think everyone walking around taking whatever they want off the shelves casually can actually afford it. And even if they can afford it dont think they are happy. I know I dont want my legacy in this world to be that I dressed my kids with the most up to date clothing, I want bigger and you probably do to.

amother

Oleander

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 9:48 pm

amother Arcticblue wrote:

This is how my friends and family are doing it - although most where working for a few more years before getting married and saved more. Yes, getting your rent paid for 5 years is insane help - but is also pretty standard in Lakewood circles. At least for my family I know they are doing it without additional financial help. They all bought in the last year or so

"We bought without any help"

"We had our rent paid for (2k a month) for five years".

Lol.