Was this your child?

amother

Puce

Wed, Jan 10 2024, 11:10 am

BatyaEsther wrote:

I love how we call everything socially off.

You know, OOT we smile and say good morning or good Shabbos to everyone we pass on the street. It’s actually considered rude not to.

Right. We were once on vacation and we went on a day trip and there was another frum family. I greeted the mother warmly, happy that I would have someone new to meet and to shmooze with briefly as we watched our kids... I'm a normal popular person BH.

Well she replied, "Hello," without a smile, and completely snobbed me out, I was really taken aback. Maybe she didn't expect or want to meet any frum people... I'm not sure. I was trying to be dan lkaf zchus, like thinking what she could have going on in her life, etc. But now that I see this, thinking back I guess she probably thought I was socially off for saying hello to another frum woman?

amother

Snowflake

Wed, Jan 10 2024, 11:12 am

amother Puce wrote:

Nah she's probably just not a friendly or nice person. Or like you said has something going on in her life that her mind is consumed with.

Ema of 5

Wed, Jan 10 2024, 11:16 am

BatyaEsther wrote:

I love how we call everything socially off.

You know, OOT we smile and say good morning or good Shabbos to everyone we pass on the street. It’s actually considered rude not to.

This is how I was raised. It’s ok to smile and/or say good morning or good shabbos, even for kids. Nothing socially off about being a kind and decent human being.

amother

Anemone

Wed, Jan 10 2024, 11:25 am

Op posted about a beautiful thing. Now we’re making it not beautiful? I grew up in Brooklyn, live in Lakewood. I’ve said good morning or good Shabbos to random people, no one looked at me weirdly!
Eta: the good mornings are usually if it’s quiet outside. If it’s busy and I’m bumping into 30 people, I won’t say Gm to them all. But if one or two people, we usually exchange greetings

Ema of 5

Wed, Jan 10 2024, 11:29 am

amother Snowflake wrote:

I was specifically referring to the Good Morning, not the Good Shabbos. As I mentioned in previous post, I also say Good Shabbos to every frum person and I am intown.
But as someone else mentioned, yes saying "Good morning" to someone you don't know even if they're frum, on a regular weekday is socially off here. and a bit strange.
Do you say "good morning" on a weekday to people you don't know?

Yes, I do. And I say please and thank you all the time. And I smile at people. Not being done doesn’t make it socially off. In fact, in the greater world outside of NY, strangers say good morning to each other all the time. Have a great day, have a great night, etc. To NOT say something, or to NOT acknowledge someone is socially off. And if someone says something to you, you at least acknowledge them, and it’s even better if you reply.

amother

Currant

Wed, Jan 10 2024, 12:00 pm

amother Snowflake wrote:

Right. I was the one to point it out first. Sorry if I turned the thread negative, but this is not to compare to saying good Shabbos to a stranger oot or even in town.
I honestly don’t want my child to say good morning to every passing stranger man or woman! Absolutely not! And middos is super important to me.
There are social norms and safety concerns to take into account.

amother

Currant

Wed, Jan 10 2024, 12:05 pm

Ema of 5 wrote:

You’re saying a lot of different things here.
Of course please and thank you should be said all the time.
In Brooklyn though, a young child should not be taught to greet every stranger they pass on the street. And that does NOT show a lack of middos. Adults are a different category. If you want to greet every stranger on the street (would be super weird in Brooklyn) go ahead, but that doesn’t make it the norm for a child here.

amother

Snowflake

Wed, Jan 10 2024, 12:05 pm

Ema of 5 wrote:

I don't think that in the world out of NY, a person walking down the street will comment to every random person he passes with a "good morning". Are you saying two people never pass each other by without commenting on the time of day? Maybe if you live in Small Town America, but that's not where majority of people live.
I say good day/night etc. to people I have some sort of dealing with, like the cashier or if someone asks for help with directions or anything like that.

amother

Currant

Wed, Jan 10 2024, 12:09 pm

amother Yolk wrote:

This. I say hello to everyone, and I live oot

Honestly, I find it really silly to compare OOT greeting to the story in the OP. It’s like 2 people arguing over the weather in different states. One saying it’s cold, one saying it’s hot. This is not what the thread is about.

amother

Tealblue

Wed, Jan 10 2024, 12:15 pm

amother Snowflake wrote:

I don't live in Small Town America. I live in Baltimore. A regular city.

My parents taught me to say good morning to people when I pass them. Or good afternoon, or good evening, or even "Hi, how are you?" which I always found weird, because it doesn't expect an actual response. When I pass by people in the street, most of them (who are not on their phones, or talking to someone they're walking with, or whatever) at least smile and nod as they pass. Some say good morning.

I posted above. Yes, to us it would be socially off to NOT acknowledge the other person in some way. Even more so if it's someone obviously frum. I get it, it's not like that everywhere. Okay, that's fine, but it's like that here.

I'm not really sure where safety comes in. If a child walks past someone in Brooklyn, and they smile and say "Good morning" to them, the person would be more likely to kidnap them than if they hadn't? Or to start a conversation back (I'm not sure what they'd say, other than "Good morning" back) and then proceed to attack them? Or they'd say "Hm, this little boy is saying good morning to me, maybe I should offer him some candy and then lure him away with me" more than they would to a random kid walking by?

I don't know, I'm not seeing the danger here.

SuperWify

Wed, Jan 10 2024, 12:17 pm

I say hi/good morning/ good Shabbos to everyone (obviously not to men who might feel uncomfortable). Not everyone answers back. Their loss.

Last year there was an Arab women who dropped her kids off at school at the same time that I dropped off my daughter at her playgroup. After about a year of ignoring her I gave her a smile and said- good morning! Her whole face lit up.

The next day she came up to me with a huge good morning. Too bad it was already the end of the year but at least I made a Kiddush Hashem at the last minute.

SuperWify

Wed, Jan 10 2024, 12:20 pm

amother Tealblue wrote:

ITA. And I really don’t understand what goes through the mind of someone assuming they heard the greeting to ignore the greeter. It’s really a whole nother level of socially off IMO.

amother

Sienna

Wed, Jan 10 2024, 12:24 pm

amother Anemone wrote:

Which part of Brooklyn did you grow up in?

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Jan 10 2024, 12:34 pm

amother Snowflake wrote:

I live OOT, not in small town America at all. I say good morning with a smile to everyone I see if I'm walking down the street. Every random person. Not everyone says it, but it's considered polite and not at all weird.

I also chat with strangers in stores.

I do not recommend doing this in NY. When I lived in Brooklyn, I did say good Shabbos to everyone.

amother

Snapdragon

Wed, Jan 10 2024, 12:41 pm

amother Snowflake wrote:

I’m in Baltimore and it’s very common to say hi and good morning and good Shabbos to people you pass. Even those you don’t know.

Ema of 5

Wed, Jan 10 2024, 12:46 pm

amother Snowflake wrote:

In a place where the streets are not as crowded as Brooklyn or Manhattan or similar places, sure they do.
There are plenty of times when people DONT say hello, good morning, etc. but there are also plenty of times where they do. It’s not socially off to smile and nod to someone, or say good morning.
Safety is something totally different, and that is up to the individual parents and children.