In town vs. out of town

flowerpower

Thu, Jan 11 2024, 7:21 am

Success10 wrote:

This is not something to get worked up over. The general Tristate area has been known as "in town" for a while now. And everywhere else is OOT. It's terminology and not meant to undermine the importance of where you live. Heck, I live in the most important city in the world. It's still not "in town" and I'm cool with that.

This!!!! You won’t change things. In town means the tri state area. Even if you live in a town you are still considered out of town. The center of the jewish life started and is still the most dense in the tri state. Many people won’t do oot town shidduchim. They feel that those living there are growing up a step behind ( I heard it from shadchanim).

sushilover

Thu, Jan 11 2024, 7:28 am

Ema of 5 wrote:

I totally agree with you here. I’m not looking to bash or to “other” or to “us vs. them.” My point was really just to point out that, technically, everyone is in town to where they live. I live in NY now, so NY is my in town. But growing up, Miami was my in town.

What term would you prefer? Especially if you were talking about attitudes and lifestyles, not just locations.

"She's from Brooklyn, but she gives off a very out of town impression. "
"I love the vibe of out of town weddings. "
"Shopping for modest clothing is so much easier when you live in town. "

Language evolved because there a need for that specific term. Many words and phrases are technically incorrect, but because everyone knows what you mean anyway, they are used to communicate.

An example is the word chareidi. It comes from "shaking", as in we fear Hashem. Is that technically accurate? Do chareidi people fear Hashem more than MO?

That's why I say it's pedantic to worry about the technical accuracy of the term OOT and wrong (and probably projection) to assume that it's hurtful or divisive.

Ema of 5

Thu, Jan 11 2024, 7:45 am

sushilover wrote:

I don’t use the term chareidi. I also don’t generally use the terms in town or out of town. Why does there need to be a term, a separation, an “us vs. them” to everything?

tryinghard

Thu, Jan 11 2024, 8:28 am

Personally, I live OOT and to me "OOT" expresses all the things that make me happy to be living and raising kids where I am. And if that's looked down upon? All the more evidence proving my point, I have no interest in living in such an environment!

shabbatiscoming

Fri, Jan 12 2024, 6:35 am

rnbgmother wrote:

I wrote in the US, as it’s generally an American term. Obviously communities Israel have very large Jewish populations. Correct me if I’m wrong but I can’t think of another concentrated area in the US with as large of a frum Jewish (MO, yeshivish, chassidish, etc) population as the ones I mentioned. Possibly 5 towns or Teaneck? But I I think people would hesitate to call those places OOT anyway.
(As an aside I mainly hear the term used by yeshivish people anyway).
The point is, I don’t feel it’s a derogatory term at all, just a useful descriptor in conversation.

And this is exactly what I was saying. Its not a general frum thing. Its yeshividh. Ok, I saud charedi. But yeshivish is fine too. O grew up MO. Never heard this phrase. Only here, on this site, by the yeshividg crowd, otmr whatever you would like to call it.

And how is it a useful descriptor? Why the need? Growing up, we just said where we were frum. Nothing about in or out of town. Simple as that.

shabbatiscoming

Fri, Jan 12 2024, 6:38 am

flowerpower wrote:

Maybe in the yeshvish world. In the MO world, in the tri state area, I never heard that phrase.

icedcoffee

Fri, Jan 12 2024, 7:00 am

I live in a MO community in Manhattan and have never heard this phrase beyond imamother. From what I've gathered, I don't believe we'd be considered in town (which is a little funny) but I can't imagine a single person actually thinking/caring about it either way. It just doesn't matter or resonate.

pinkpeonies

Fri, Jan 12 2024, 9:15 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Maybe in the yeshvish world. In the MO world, in the tri state area, I never heard that phrase.

My mother grew up very MO in the tristate area and definitely used these terms

Personally, I don’t find them offensive (as someone from oot living in town now)
It’s just describing a mindset. NOT middos, as many oot-ers seem to think
And if anything, it’s derogatory towards in town

Mermaidinexile

Fri, Jan 12 2024, 9:27 am

BatyaEsther wrote:

That is not even accurate.
Nobody here would refer to Riverdale, Teaneck, or Passaic as “in town”

Agree. And I live in NYC and we are also considered OOT!

shabbatiscoming

Sat, Jan 13 2024, 11:15 am

flowerpower wrote:

You live in EY. Not in America.

Im saying I grew up in the tri state area. Lived there for 23 years. I never heard anyone in my community use that phrase. EVER. First time I ever heard this phrase was here, from women from lakewood and brooklyn.

shabbatiscoming

Sat, Jan 13 2024, 11:17 am

pinkpeonies wrote:

dont know. I never heard it until I came to this site 18 years ago.

shabbatiscoming

Sat, Jan 13 2024, 11:18 am

icedcoffee wrote:

Thank you for making my point as well.
See flowerpower, even now MO communities are not using this phrase.

Success10

Sat, Jan 13 2024, 11:43 am

I never thought about it before, I always assumed that the 5 Towns, Far Rockaway, Great Neck, Upper West Side, KGH, Passaic and Teaneck were all considered "In Town". I did not know it was limited only to Monsey, Brookly and Lakewood.

To me, "In Town" means fast paced New Yorker, maybe not as simple and chilled and polite as OOTers are used to, used to having many frum Jews in your neighborhood, and used to basically every establishment being kosher, and not having to travel far for shul, school or mikvah.

shabbatiscoming

Sat, Jan 13 2024, 9:12 pm

Success10 wrote:

You do realize that there are many places outside the tei state area, that have all of these things too, right?