I can’t handle this anymore

amother

Cadetblue

Sat, Jan 20 2024, 10:42 pm

the world's best mom wrote:

I have a good shidduch for your ds. Smile

She's 12 months old and still hardly lets me put her down when she's sleeping. And yes, you can go crazy from it.

Your baby will not be harmed by the one night of crying, but if it's not what you want to do, then you don't need to do it again. You started teaching him that he needs to go to sleep in the crib at bedtime in a way that was hard for him and obviously traumatic for you. If you continue, he might or might not learn to go to sleep without crying, and if he does, it might take time.

If you don't continue, you will reteach him immediately that you are there to hold him when he needs you. I did that with my oldest after doctors and relatives pressured me into letting her cry. She cried for a lot longer than half an hour. I never did it again and I am happy. I still regret doing it to her back then. She's 18 and she's totally fine, but I still get upset when I think about it.

Same with my 6yo@ I regret it with every fiber of my being. But was also pressured into it. She's fine.

GoldenOra

Sat, Jan 20 2024, 10:48 pm

amother OP wrote:

Update
I’ve tried some gentler methods, including staying next to his crib, shushing patting him etc and he’s been hysterical when I do that. Tonight I put him in sat with him for a few minutes and left the room he was screaming. I went back in after 5 minutes - he cried even harder when I was there. Then went back after 10 min - same thing. Was just another 10 min and he finally fell asleep.

But now I’m sitting here feeling awful and like the worst mother. I also know if I want to keep it up this will have to happen for another few nights but I just feel so terrible, especially because I’m so focused on attachment and I feel like I ruined everything.

Should I continue or just stop?

This sounds like it’s going great! The first 2-3 nights are the worst and everything after that is truly so much better. I have my husband do the sleep training while I go outside for a walk or listen to a podcast so that I don’t needlessly make myself nuts. I know it’s super super hard but the studies show that it is fine for your baby and trust me you will both be so much happier when your baby sleeps. You’ve got this, be consistent so that all this work isn’t for nothing.

Refine

Sat, Jan 20 2024, 10:58 pm

Try to keep to a decent schedule by day. This can help settle into a normal schedule at night.
https://betweencarpools.com/wh.....e-be/
Keep in mind that an overtired baby is also suffering. The same Hashem who made the baby need attachemnts also made mothers need sleep. So don't feel guilty if you can't keep it up.

challah58

Sat, Jan 20 2024, 11:18 pm

30 minutes crying total is different than 30 minutes straight imo. I'm "sleep training" my baby who co slept until now. It's easy to be against sleep training until lack of good sleep is affecting your ability to be a good parent in other ways...
I go in to pick her up for a minute and calm her every 4/5 minutes as long as she's crying consistently. I'll go sooner if she sounds like she can't calm down, or wait if she's just kvetching or pausing between cries. I take a break and try again later if it doesn't seem to be working. I'm happy to have my bed back for a good chunk of the night, and she's so so much happier now that she can sleep normally instead of in a baby carrier half the time.
It's not easy for me to listen to her cry, but not so hard because it's for a short time. She's cried in the car for longer than 5 minutes and I didn't think of taking her out of her car seat! I'm following my instincts, not a specific program.
I started with just moving her to the crib once she was already asleep, and when she started being able to put herself back to sleep like that, I now put her straight in after feeding her. Dark room, door closed, we do use a blanket in the crib (throw tomatoes if you'd like)