Regret not giving english names

amother

Clematis

Wed, Nov 01 2023, 1:14 am

amother Hawthorn wrote:

So interesting how everyone's opinions differ so much!
My parents named each of their children with two hebrew names and two english names. A mouthful!
It was always confusing - which names do I go by where - Dr office, legal office, college etc. By the time I was nearing the end of grad school and was already married, there were so many combinations of names and I didn't know what was used where. Identity crisis!
My older sister told me that she wished she had legally changed her name, it would simplify things so much. So I bit the bullet and went through the legal process to change my name. It was a hassle and cost $ but I am so thrilled that I did it, it made so many processes easier. Now my legal name everywhere is my Hebrew name that I'm called by and my married last name.
That's my story!

PLEASE can you tell me how you do this? I would love to but I heard it's a big hassle. What do I have to do?

ittsamother

Wed, Nov 01 2023, 1:25 am

I always felt very strongly that our name is our identity and we should be proud of who we are. My husband would have liked to give secular names but conceded to me and let me put only Hebrew names on their birth certificates. With all that's going on now, he told me firmly that from now on, only Jewish names on the birth certificates, no question! He felt very strongly now is the time to take a stance and clearly state that we are Jews and proud to be so, they will not terrorize us into being scared to identify as Jewish, ever!

As far as people putting secular names so it's easier in the doctor's office, how much time out of your whole life are you even spending there?? And anyway, ask any non-Jews how many times people mispronounce and misspell their names too. You think every secular name is automatically easier for whatever random office staff to pronounce? And- what is the big deal if they do mispronounce Yechiel or Shoshana? Like, what is going to happen?? You still know they're referring to you so you smile and get up and walk in. I have plenty of fellow Jews messing up my name, I couldn't care less when the non-Jews mess it up too. The people who matter to me know exactly how to say my name.

BatZion

Wed, Nov 01 2023, 4:14 am

amother OP wrote:

So my Hebrew name is similar to Miriam, but we named after family and my kids are names like menucha, Baruch, Yehuda etc…

Hashem should just save all of us but I would feel better knowing I could leave my kids with my Spanish housekeeper if the worst was to come. We are Sephardi and they can pass for Spanish.

Like I have no derech hateva ideas of how I would otherwise protect them.

This post made me incredibly sad.
You are a Jew born to a Jew born to a Jew born to a Jew etc Baruch Hashem.
This is what Yiddishkeit in the diaspora has become?!
You can't protect them. None of us can protect our children. They are gifted to us from Hashem for us to take care of for however many years Hashem decides.
Giving your children non-Jewish names (why?! I've read why and still don't connect- sorry) will not save anyone, dear.
Live your life proudly as the Jewish person that you are. And pass that on to your children.
That is the biggest gift you can give them.

amother

Hawthorn

Wed, Nov 01 2023, 11:01 am

amother Clematis wrote:

PLEASE can you tell me how you do this? I would love to but I heard it's a big hassle. What do I have to do?

It’s been ten years so I don’t remember all the details. Google legally changing you name and the instructions should come up. Some steps that I do remember are filling out the court application, going to court for the approval and putting an ad in the newspaper… nothing complicated but it’s a process.
Good luck! I’m still thrilled I did it.

amother

Lightblue

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 3:42 pm

Originally I wanted to also give secular names. A close relative, someone very humble & not quick to give an opinion, who actually is a geiores, shared their opinion respectfully, how other cultures are proud to have they unique names, whether Indians, or African Americans for instance, who can have names very unique from regular Americans. Think Rakash, Amara or Kaira, or let's say Sheniqua, Latoya, or Jada... I doubt somehow that they are doubling up names like we do.

So our relative, respecting our ultimate decision to either way, just suggested this , to consider being proud of our names as they are.

I tend to resonate with the common Jewish mindset to "keep our heads down" & not rock the boat. But find it funny here how we want to be so meek with our names too. So while I was the one who originally wanted also English names, took their advice & am grateful today that my dh & I only gave Jewish names.

I get the antisemitism piece, unfortunately I do. If someone really intuits doing that, I'd understand & I think there's something to be said for listening to ones gut about something. But I think it's a very big extra measure that shouldn't be the norm.