Boys are jealous of girls

amother

Outerspace

Sat, Jan 27 2024, 7:58 pm

amother Brickred wrote:

It’s a patriarchy. It’s ok if the boys get the short end of the deal once in a while.

What the heck? I feel for your husband and sons. We’re all people and we all have feelings

amother

Azalea

Sat, Jan 27 2024, 8:30 pm

giftedmom wrote:

In the bungalow colony all of us said the same thing. Boys don’t belong there above the age of ten. Somehow the girls always find something to do but the boys nag and get into trouble. They need structure.

Where I go in the summer, both boys and girls have structured programs.

My boys actually don't always join and are fine just hanging out, but I'll admit that we're in a place where the boys have the following:

Basketball courts, baseball fields, ping pong tables, gym and swimming pool. I guess if you don't have all that then your boys might get bored.

giftedmom

Sat, Jan 27 2024, 9:20 pm

amother Azalea wrote:

All of these are worthless without counselors and lifeguards is what I’m saying. They do have structure until 6:30 but once they’re older than 10 that’s not enough anymore.

honeymoon

Sat, Jan 27 2024, 10:44 pm

giftedmom wrote:

My experience is the opposite.

amother

Yellow

Sun, Jan 28 2024, 2:50 am

When do the boys next have a day off? Pesach? Plan for an overnight then.

amother

DarkCyan

Sun, Jan 28 2024, 4:59 am

my husband has gone on a mini vaca with my son during the summer btwn camp and school when the girls still had camp. why can’t it be tht now is the girls turn and he will get his turn in the summer?

amother

Watermelon

Sun, Jan 28 2024, 7:19 am

giftedmom wrote:

I mean boys get a huge party at 3 and then another huge simcha at 13 with tons of gifts. Girls get more off days so more outings.
Men and women each have their perks in life. I don’t see the benefit in trying to even everything out all the time.

This may be cultural, but I dont agree that the boys get "so much more".

Thats before you talk about how much boys are expected to do in their downtime.

But lets start with the "parties".

At 3, however "big" you made the party was for you, the mother. Most of the little kids hate that part. They like the pecklach and presents.... and a lot of that is to make them feel better about the haircut. My girls get to give pecklach out too and usuallyget a few presents. I have a couple girls that wanted to yarmulka and tzistzis attention, when I asked them if they wanted their haircut they said "noooooooo" and felt content (most of my boys said "no" too but it was too bad.)

Bar mitzvah: In my Lakewood circles the bo byom does not bave classmates. Friends do come for shul and kiddush. To get this, my son spent several years practicing waking up early, has spent a year learning to lein, and a few months learning hilchos tefilin and his pshetel.

For his efforts he has the satisfaction of a job well done, and the above mentioned events plus a kidde party in school. He got a few hindred dollars, a watch, and loooots of seforim.

But its not like his sisters did not get attention at this party. His twin sister and HS sisters spent many shopping trips looking for the perfect dress(es). Bh, found for the little girls in one outing. For the evening and shobbos events they got their hair and nails done (the big girls got makeup done too). They held court at the kiddush greeting all their family and neighborhood friends and each from his girl twin up had 5 to 10 that walked in from outside the neighborhood. Their friends came to the dessert reception end to the bo byom........ ummm where's the lack of attention? A brothers bar mitzva is very much a girls event too.

Conversely, his twin's (and older sistees) bas mitzva was much much smaller but all about the girl. She spent one week practicing her speech. Her oot girl cousins her age came in. She got her hair done and a new dress and walked away with a personalized sweatshirt from her friends, a jewelry box and a few pieces of jewelry, PLUS money from grandparents, and from family: a michelle watch, a pandora bracelet witb a bunch of charms, and personalized machzorim. She was way more than fine.......and she still got to live it up at the bar mitzva next year....

I was all nervous girl twin would feel outshown, but it really never crossed her mind with all the attention she got.

Boys have lots of incentives. But it's all to get them to train themselves to become bnei torah and fit learning into their free time. They are working for those incentives.

I really try hard not to rub the boys faces in what their sisters get for "free" on their days off and midwinter and not make it too lopsided. To the extant that it is ( and it usually is somewhat) I empathize with my boys and reassure them ill try to even out

Most little kids love missing school and my boys hsve no vaca, they are in school this Sunday. It stings.

The bright side is, as my boys get older they appreciate their role as bnei torah and not missing learning. My boys mesivta and older are not giving winter break any thought, and my twin bar mitzvah boy is in 8th grade now and has declined to go on our day trip sunday afternoon because he would miss learning. (This after he spends 1.5 hours + learning every night after school while his twin spends double that time on the phone with her friemds and wakes up late on shobbos,/sinday/vaca. Ive already seen my boys off to their buses this morning and dont expect to see my teen girls for a long while.)

Sun, Jan 28 2024, 8:22 am

Please teach your children now that fair does not mean equal.
Understanding this will help them a lot as they grow up.
"Sweethard I understand you are upset that the girls are going away and not you. I'm sorry that this is the way things are this time. There will be other opportunities for you to go away. And you'll have a good time without them. You're right it's not fair but as we grow up we see different people have different opportunities/experiences/talents/gifts and that's the way Hashem made the world"

amother

Mayflower

Sun, Jan 28 2024, 8:58 am

My girls sleep till 11 on shabbos and Sundays. My son can’t stand it. He’s 12 and getting up 7:15 for minyan. I said u have avos ubanim. He says I don’t need the chips and raffles I can never sleep late. Girls are up late and he has to go to sleep to get up.

The girls had midterms and got out of school early and went out to eat and they are off Monday and he has school. He can’t stand it. It’s very hard.

My friends with a bunch of boys say they are all getting up early but I have more girls. So he sees the difference

mha3484

Sun, Jan 28 2024, 11:38 am

polished wrote:

I don’t see why everything has to be fair and equal.
I’m interested how fair the helping out in the home is as well (obviously every home is different) but my observation is that it’s the girls who serve and clear shabbos tables. It’s the girls who tidy up from supper at the end of the night…. And hold the baby…

Do your boys do the same? And if as I suspect not… then the boys should know that life isn’t equal. Tough luck.
Lucky them not having to give birth lol

My boys are my older children. They set and clear the table, I make them all clean up after themself. Everyone in our house helps including the 3 year old. I cant imagine I am the only one. My husband cleans more then me and does a better job.