Kid punished | Imamother

amother

White

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 7:18 am

#BestBubby wrote:

A person who cannot wait and MUST have

Immediate gratification is a Baby, not an adult.

Children must learn to wait to be a functional adult.

This is what people thought decades ago. Children shouldn’t need to wait for water.
There is a generational gap here.

amother

White

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 7:21 am

Chayalle wrote:

I think by middle school, a child can start having a certain amount of control over her body needs, especially for a short amount of time. It is not the same as, for example, an infant who develops secure attachment for life when their basic body needs are met as quickly as possible (something I'm actually very big into). A child who learns self control when it's age appropriate develops skills for life.

You know, not every mindset from decades ago is wrong. and it's quite possible that in a few decades from now, they will have learned from the mistakes of our generation.

Chayalle , I encourage you to research the matter. You are so smart and intuitive.

Even in middle school, allowing a preteen to drink when they need is helping them and not hindering them.
An adult shouldn’t be controlling this. I speak as a teacher for perspective.

Fabulous

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 7:25 am

Yeah, I agree with the teacher on this unless it’s an environment that they are literally roasting or the break is 2 plus hours away. My 6 year old is actually the type that literally can’t handle if he’s thirsty and needs a drink right now- but bh it’s gotten better in the last year or two and he’s only 6.

As a teacher, I have a rule only one girl put at a time to the bathroom for a variety of reasons- including it being a school rule, putting the achrayos on the girls to be back quickly so that another may go etc. occasionally I have a situation (like this week) when a girl who clearly cannot wait asked to not only skip the line but go whole someone else was out and of course I let her. But unless there is a real reason why the child cannot wait…

Also, if it happened just as class was starting and she literally just got there and it would be a long time- I would call the teacher about what can be done for future.

Bnei Berak 10

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 7:26 am

amother White wrote:

This is what people thought decades ago. Children shouldn’t need to wait for water.
There is a generational gap here.

Sorry but your need to reread what Slategray wrote, she is 100% right in her views. Has nothing to do with age, it's about chinuch and it's about teaching midos.

amother

White

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 7:27 am

Fabulous wrote:

This is so triggering. You are a teacher so this is impacting kids and students today.

Let your students drink and go to the bathroom.
It’s basic respect and decency for a teacher to allow her student to take care of themselves.

amother

Slategray

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 7:28 am

amother White wrote:

Respectfully, if so many amothers disagree with your mindset, is there not the possibility that your view is the extreme?

We are not all here from the previous generation. And recognize that sometimes when people want to right previous wrongs, they often swing the pendulum too far the other way. A happy medium is always best.

Chayalle

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 7:29 am

amother White wrote:

I hear, I'm open to education.
I think, for example, that a preteen should always be allowed to go to the bathroom if she needs to (for very obvious reasons). So technically, that could be a pretext to go to the water fountain if she needs.
But to go to the back of the classroom for a water refill in defiance of the teacher doesn't sit well with me. (If I were OP, if I did have a discussion with the teacher, it would be without my kid knowing about it.)
I also don't like some of what I see in today's kids - classroom decorum seems to be out the window, and there's such a lack of discipline. I do think it starts somewhere.

amother

White

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 7:30 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Sorry but your need to reread what Slategray wrote, she is 100% right in her views. Has nothing to do with age, it's about chinuch and it's about teaching midos.

This isn’t about chinuch. Chinuch is what’s helping a child and what’s in the child’s best interest. Making kids wait for water isn’t in their best interest.
Your mindset is also one that was prevalent decades ago. It’s interesting to note the posters age when responding, as there is a generational gap as there has been a research that has evolved and educated us on the importance of hydration and in particular for students.

keym

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 7:31 am

I would talk to the teacher, but a general conversation.

The truth is that there are a lot of places in the story that need clarification and a discussion with the teacher. Mainly to make sure that the students needs are being met and the classroom is conducive for learning.

Student arrived same time as teacher so didn't have time to fill up water.
Is this a school bus or controllable by the student? Can there be more awareness that if students arrive at the same time as the teacher, then as long as they were not at fault, they should be given a few minutes for bathroom, water fill-up, etc.

Also, how long did the teacher intend on having child wait, and was that expectation made clear.
Meaning if the teacher said "Recess, or break is in 10 minutes, you can fill up your water then" and you're kid did it then is very different than if the next break that your child knew about was more than an hour away

How warm is the classroom and are there specific seats that are warmer/colder?
If the temperature is uneven, then it's only fair that students sitting in seats with more extreme temperature should get more allowances.

(I remember a scenario where a teacher said no coats in the classroom. But the 2 seats under the air conditioner were so cold that I pushed for either my child to switch seats or be allowed an extra sweatshirt despite classroom rules)

amother

White

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 7:32 am

amother Slategray wrote:

It’s possible, but I really encourage you for the benefit of your own students and children to research the matter.
There is the research which there is plenty of and then there is the anecdotal data where so many adults don’t take care of themselves as they should due to adults in their life who had mindsets such as you’re displaying.

amother

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 7:33 am

keym wrote:

Thanks all great points

amother

White

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 7:37 am

Chayalle wrote:

Yes, I agree with you in bathroom usage and that’s a good idea for a student to use the bathroom card to be able to get a drink. As a teacher though I don’t think it’s necessary for kids to have to play games to get their basic needs met.
Let them drink as needed. When kids are given respect and control for their basic needs it’s incredible to see to the change within the classroom and for the students. As an aside there is research that students who drink during a test score better.
The discipline piece that you are referring to is an issue but it’s possible to have respectful kids and students who also take of their needs without fuss. I see it happen daily. It’s really possible.

amother

White

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 7:38 am

keym wrote:

Thanks keym. Great points.

ftm1234

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 7:38 am

amother White wrote:

I graduated school pretty recently. Our teachers didn’t allow us to go refill water bottles during class.

Bh I turned out just fine. No, I’m not traumatized or damaged.

Also, you openly admit to being triggered right now.

Maybe take a little time to calm down before posting on this thread again.

amother

White

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 7:42 am

ftm1234 wrote:

That’s great that you weren’t affected but that doesn’t negate that others may have been.

There has been a worldwide shift on this matter and it’s encouraging that many schools are shifting to allowing their students to drink in class.
Change happens slowly. Over time though hopefully we will see a greater change in this area.

#BestBubby

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 7:46 am

amother White wrote:

Re: research

Science has been corrupted and most researchers, scientists, and medical professionals will parrot what Democrat Socialists order them to say.

For example, most of the above professionals will say a man can give birth.

Our own eyes see that today's generation raised by modern experts are big babies:

Less financially independent
Less likely to marry
More likely to divorce
More likely to abuse drugs, alcohol
More likely to have debt (must have every electronic toy NOW)

ftm1234

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 7:52 am

amother White wrote:

With all due respect, you sound very triggered and slightly ridiculous.

No, students are not being damaged by having their water intake restricted during class.

But I’m wasting my time because you obviously can’t listen to another perspective right now.

amother

White

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 7:56 am

ftm1234 wrote:

Students are being damaged by this. How can you say they aren’t ? Read the research and talk to people. Just because you personally weren’t affected doesn’t mean that others weren’t.

amother

Slategray

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 7:57 am

amother White wrote:

If it's not about chinuch, then please clarify how it's ok to disrespect, and thereby embarrass a person publicly?

Again, this is not for a critical or urgent need. This is for a scenario where there is discomfort for a short period of time.

The Torah very much disagrees with you. It takes a strong stance against any disrespect or public embarrassment. It goes so far that it advises us to be mindful of it, even if the events are not in our favor.

amother

Jean

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 7:57 am

amother White wrote:

You’re getting a bit carried away. Someone who is in tune with their body and drinks when their body sends signals is a healthier adult both in mind and spirit. This only helps their marriage or working capabilities. There is no medal given to one who doesn’t drink all day. This is an old fashioned mindset.

I think you’re the one getting carried away… she isn’t being deprived of water all day. She’s a girl in middle school who just finished an entire water bottle and is being told to wait 20 minutes to refill it. Unless she has a medical need, that’s well within a normal range for a kid that age. And she’s old enough to plan that it doesn’t happen every day, like bringing a larger water bottle. Remember, this teacher DOES allow her to drink in class.

For comparison, if you were driving home from school and your kid said they were thirsty, would you pull over to the nearest gas station or tell them to wait till you get home? What if you were in the grocery store… would you let them pull a bottle off the shelf and start drinking right away or have them wait till you pay for it? Then what would you do if your kid just ignored you and took a bottle and started drinking anyway? If it was me, there would definitely be some consequence.

(Again, we’re not talking about running around outdoors on a mid summer afternoon, that’s an entirely different story.)