I'm drowning in their mess and I'm losing it

Bnei Berak 10

Sun, Feb 11 2024, 3:42 pm

amother Zinnia wrote:

Cuz they didn't have clean uniform, tights or whatever they needed.

So they should take what is available I.e the used/dirty or tights or whatever. Consequences at it's finest.

ectomorph

Sun, Feb 11 2024, 3:43 pm

Tzutzie wrote:

Do a MAJOR binge.
Was the best thing ever.
I've learned to always shop with intention. Other than saving lots and lots and LOTS of $$$$ when I do buy I actually enjoy whatever it is I'm buying. And I make sure it fits my needs and best of all, If you own less stuff there is less stuff to put away.
Once I stopped having random extra stuff in the house cleanup had become a BREEZE according to how it was. and I actually enjoy it.
Not it's not a breeze just yet. But before it was impossible. I never felt like the house was neat even though I cleaned all day as a sahm and have approx 9-10 hours of cleaning help a week.

Now, I clean much less and the house sparkles 25% of the time. Whereas it used to sparkle maybe .00005%
Maybe one room at a time before pesach.

Extra stuff is a burden. Get rid of it.

Lol! I read this three times before realizing you must mean 'purge'

Bnei Berak 10

Sun, Feb 11 2024, 3:45 pm

amother OP wrote:

Another thing is that I have lowered my standards so low and I already give myself breaks from cleaning but that all backfires. Im not on top of the house for 2 days and its a huge overwhelming mess again. I can't win.

Yes you CAN win! But things need to change and it starts with you.

amother

Blueberry

Sun, Feb 11 2024, 4:05 pm

I couldn't afford an organizer but b"h I'm at the point of many of my own systems. I hope I could help you. I write out shared room ideas. I have more laundry ideas if you like these. I wish to help people some are obvious but it took me years to get it. I hope their helpful. We work as a family. I don't decide what gets dumped but I do it with the kids until they are at the point to do it independently.

Anything that the kids will want put low. It's worse if they go climbing looking for it

Belongings: MOST IMPORTANT
Everything must have a permanent spot. We have open spots for what we anticipate geting more of.

Teaching to work as you go.
You can be occupied with one task at a time
I taught my kids that we can't brush our hair, go to school or bed, play with toys eat do homework and color at once. Those are several separate activities. They could take two things at once that go together. For example a few toys that are needed in 1 game. Older kids occasionally may eat and do homework at once depending on age and situation. I teach them what multi tasking is actually multitasking, this is all taught. This way we are not left with forgotten messes. Before leaving the house put away what you did.It's a work in progress but b"h my kids get it. It also leans on time management skills too. I don't serve supper before everything is away that we just played and did. We don't go to sleep before we tidy up. We timed how long it takes us. My kids will tell me I'm going back to my game... we discuss if that will actually happen or not. When I dont plan my day, meals Im disorganized messes happen. When kids run late I remind them it takes 5 seconds to put away....

Set time
Before the little kids bedtime (works best for me) I give the kids a warning and we put whatever out away. My kids learned if I'm busy to ask siblings for help at overwhelming jobs. Usually not that long because we do 1 activity at a time. And with time bigger messes get easier to figure out. and it becomes a routine they do it even if I forget to remind.

At the end of the day I confiscate any belongings or toys left out. (I should start a thread if it's OK or mean to do this because I do this with my 13 year old as well.) No one is interested in their homework getting confiscated or their toys so they clean it up. I hold for one day as long as nothing is out. This is done consistently if I slack on this one yes older kids may leave things out. But still they have learned so much from having a clean house what they leave out is minor compared to what could be.

Anything that doesn't get put away usually means it's not important. Older kids with their own stuff I have less control but at least I educated them so they do a good job talking to themselves about if they actually need it....I usually talk to the kids about why it's not away. Like if they say it broken I will ask them where do they put broken toys....the floor is not the garbage. B"h because our floors are neat if someone drops a tissue it sticks out. Starting young, kids know if water spills someone could trip.... I use life to point out some examples

Paper to color
My kids bring home a tremendous amount of papers from school that a whole separate group of systems. For younger kids that like to color buying cheap non easy rip out paper notebooks work much better than having copy pages all over.

Shoes and clothing in main area
I remind my kids to take along shoes with them to the bedroom. Sometimes we have to look for them. I taught my kids to leave out just 1 pair. Sometimes kids get lazy with this one. No shoe system places currently work. I or a helper kid collects any remaining shoes. We have a disguised laundry hamper in the main area one for dirty towels one for wet or dirty laundry easier to walk 15 steps than to stop the game to go to the bedrooms... we limit extra throw pillows... that just end up on the floor.

Bedroom
Toodlers or preschoolers door gets locked during the day until they phase out of going to their room during the day. For a toddler I try to teach them to nap in another place like a pack n play couch or carriage. And separate sleeping blanket so they don't cry or fall asleep outside the bedroom door.

Bedroom
Kids under 5 door gets locked until they phase out of going their during the day. For a toddler I try to teach them to nap in another place like a pack n play couch or carriage. And separate sleeping blanket so they don't cry outside the door.

amother

Sienna

Sun, Feb 11 2024, 4:07 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

So they should take what is available I.e the used/dirty or tights or whatever. Consequences at it's finest.

What if they refuse?

amother

Blueberry

Sun, Feb 11 2024, 4:14 pm

Hanging as much as we could is less messy then draws because kids can veiw their clothing. We used to have trouble with older kids pulling their hanger out with the clothes and then it layed on the floor. I bought a special hanger that 1 hanger holds many hook. This way the kids automatically leave the hanger in the closet. We b"h worked out that kids keep clothes in the hamper (as others have suggested keep less clothes) if I find a peice of laundry not in the hamper it's delt with right away. Bedtime or morning time. Yes I keep after them but they don't feel it as a burden because it's in small amounts.

I keep extra pair of clothes new pairs of sock and tights for emergency but it's separate from their stuff and goes back in hiding under normal circumstances. So the kids regularly have access to less clothes. And we try to stick to the less.

Tzutzie

Sun, Feb 11 2024, 4:32 pm

ectomorph wrote:

Lol! I read this three times before realizing you must mean 'purge'

I came to check out what other ideas I can nosh and I saw this. I'm hollering laughing.
Really needed this laugh. Thank you thank me. 😊 🤣🤣🤣
I went back and fixed it.

amother

Zinnia

Sun, Feb 11 2024, 4:43 pm

amother Sienna wrote:

What if they refuse?

This. Consequences at its finest if the kids actually comply. If they don't, it's just a consequence for the mother.

amother

Ivory

Sun, Feb 11 2024, 5:04 pm

amother Obsidian wrote:

Best advice is to be a minimalist. I hardly own stuff.

A few items of clothes that I keep on washing and rewearing. A few toys. Go to a toy lilbrary if you have one nearby. Few dishes. No randem stuff.

I know totally inappropriate to even ask but I would love love love to see your house to get inspiration on what minimalism can look like. Or at least pics Hiding

amother

Sage

Sun, Feb 11 2024, 6:09 pm

Didn't read all the posts but what I do at home is whatever is left out is now considered mine.
I do it with dh too. He can't find things because they were left out in a place I can trip over TMI