Baby born after parents are separated

purplejellybean

Sun, Feb 11 2024, 9:06 pm

Fabulous wrote:

I find it hard to believe they leave the country without his permission. That's illegal. She needs written proof from him, notarized.

It has happened. He only found out from one of the younger ones who blurted it out and came home with a tan. I wish so much for him to get remarried before he gets to old.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Sun, Feb 11 2024, 10:02 pm

purplejellybean wrote:

Its very sad. I have a brother in law who is divorced. He gave the gett right away. His ex tortures him. He does something in construction yet lives in a small basement because he has nothing left. She chose to send the children to Modern Orthodox school which cost waaay more than Chasidic School. Aside from the fact that they obviously no longer look like belonging to any chasidus. The list goes on and on. Dont throw tomatoes at me but he simply has no leverage over her. They Go out of the country with out letting him know etc. Sometimes I wonder if he gave the Gett too easily. There is no right answer. I am just a simple person watching him suffer. He is a cohen as well which makes it more difficult....Theres two sides to every story. I hope for this little baby boys sake his parents come B'sholom and make him a Bris with joy and happiness. I wish both of the parents find their way to happiness and this little boy grows up in a way that makes every one proud.

And it would have been better for him to have withheld the Get?
Nothing you wrote would constitute "torturing" him.
1. Child support takes into account the fathers right to live and is not intended to make him destitute, he can appeal if he thinks he is paying too much. He doesnt have to pay for the more expensive private schools either. If she choses schools without consulting him, it sounds like she has sole custody?
2. If he has shared custody, he can oppose the children leaving the country.
3/ He has options to relieve his situation if he wants. Or is it possible you are the one suferring. Or his suffering is self-brought on.
How would withholding a Get have improved his life?
I hope he is seeking therapy and will yet have a good life.

Last edited by B'Syata D'Shmya on Sun, Feb 11 2024, 10:08 pm; edited 1 time in total

seeker

Sun, Feb 11 2024, 10:08 pm

Fabulous wrote:

I find it hard to believe they leave the country without his permission. That's illegal. She needs written proof from him, notarized.

Not necessarily. You need permission to get a passport, but if they had passports before the split then in my experience nobody asks questions. It's fairly common for only one parent to travel with a kid. This father needs to proactively get the kids on a no fly list if there is any shadow of a reason to worry that the mother will take them away from him. You don't want to end up in Hague court.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Sun, Feb 11 2024, 10:10 pm

Israeli wrote:

I know people always say this but I have traveled alone with my kids internationally multiple time and no one ever asked for anything.

He can make her legal trouble if they have shared custody and she didnt tell him, especially if the kids were hurt in the process. She could be risking her custody.
There may be another side to this story beyond the SILs side....

Last edited by B'Syata D'Shmya on Sun, Feb 11 2024, 10:11 pm; edited 1 time in total

Israeli

Sun, Feb 11 2024, 10:13 pm

eduardo wrote:

You may not have issues getting out, but if the ex goes to authorities it would be considered kidnapping

100%. I'm not commenting on that part. And I think she would have to be an idiot to do it. I'm responding to the claim that she practically wouldn't be able to leave the country without his permission. I've done it and no one asked where my kids dad is and whether or not I had his permission.

eduardo

Sun, Feb 11 2024, 10:14 pm

saraklein1 wrote:

Lol wouldn't let him have his son is funny...was he a get refuser....that sounds like a good reason "nor to let him have his son"

A child is not a pawn to use in a divorce. Refusing a get is horrible, but retaliating by not letting the parent have anything to do with their child is worse. Unless there is actual abuse to the child, there is never a good reason to keep a child from their parent, full stop.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Sun, Feb 11 2024, 10:17 pm

eduardo wrote:

The courts will make sure the parents rights are enforced, so no worries.

purplejellybean

Mon, Feb 12 2024, 9:19 am

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

he can sit in court for years and object all these things but chooses not to for financial and emotional reasons. I am not saying Withhold a gett but rather trying to show there is both sides and sometimes one party is being unreasonable but must give a gett anyway which gives them what they need so they can do what they want. Every time to go to court is thousands of dollars etc. No , its not torture but a losing never ending battle. His suffering is not self brought on. I find that comment not so nice. We should never know how it feels to not see your child put on tefillin for first time etc. I am just trying to show the other side of the story. Theres always two sides.I am not a rav or Gadol to know what is the right thing and I hope that some one wise can help all these people.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Mon, Feb 12 2024, 9:41 am

purplejellybean wrote:

If the sides were reasonable, they would have found a way to stay together. A divorce is a horrible thing - Malachim cry for a reason. But to withhold a Get is another level.
Please know there are fathers who dont even WANT to see their son put on tefillin for the first time. Dont want to have anything to do with their childs wedding etc. there are all kinds of situations.
My comment isnt "nice", it isnt meant to be so. But its reality.
My take away - do the work to keep marriages intact as much as possible. I honestly believe that some divorces didnt need to happen. Some kids are pushed to marry before they are ready, some dont have the tools they need and arent given the opportunity to learn them in therapy, some have family pressure to divorce. Divorce is not necessarily nice. Having a baby alone knowing you are getting divorce is nice?? (topic of this thread).
Still not a reason to withhold a Get .